Virtual Ship

[Dennis McGuckin]

That the thanks I get. All these months slaving over a hot stove [and not knowing what I was doing]
Now we sign on a REAL ships cook and do I get a thank you Den? No, just S*** and abuse. Sniff-Sniff.
I am now going to sulk for a while [ all us culinary artistic types do that]
I am also going adrift, as my request for leave was never indorsed. Even after Mike recommended it.
Now we will see if Terry can make tabnabs to the high standards of quality you have all come to expect.[ Not necessarily received]
Den.

[Terry Wilcox]

Hi you All. Tab-Nabs! I am sick of making them, I have been cooking at my place of work for the past 8 years, ..Please, Please get me back to sea, I think that the only time that I will get back is in a urn. Anyway I applied for the position as Second Steward, not as a Cook. any offers? Take care.......Terry

[Dennis McGuckin]

Hi you All. Tab-Nabs! I am sick of making them, I have been cooking at my place of work for the past 8 years, ..Please, Please get me back to sea, I think that the only time that I will get back is in a urn. Anyway I applied for the position as Second Steward, not as a Cook. any offers? Take care.......Terry

True enough Terry, but with your qualifications we cant have you wasted as 2nd steward. Now can we?
Anyway, I need a hand in the Galley. Mike cant be relied on, as he is often missing tring to flog my tabnabs. Or whetever else he is up to ashore?
Den.

[Michael Lawrence]

Sign on the dotted line Terry. You are now in the galley with our highly respected Den. Den I have just deposited a very large keg of '16B's' in your cabin and of cause we appreciate you. The Egyptians appreciate you for the help your tabnabs are giving in keeping the structure of the pyramids sound. The Chinese appreciate you for those millions of tabnabs we've flogged them to finish that wall of theirs. BUT above all Mr G Brown appreciates you as he see's it as a way of get the 2 million workshy buggers back off the dole and building houses in this green and pleasant land for their fat sisters. In fact what we could do is cover the whole bloody country in concrete and all ex M.N personal move to Canada, Oz , or Kiwi. In fact we could sail our own ships over to those distant lands.
Right Lads stand ready to repel boarders as I think we might have a fe3w complaints from the polictical correct brigade. Mike

[Dennis McGuckin]

Sign on the dotted line Terry. You are now in the galley with our highly respected Den. Den I have just deposited a very large keg of '16B's' in your cabin and of cause we appreciate you. The Egyptians appreciate you for the help your tabnabs are giving in keeping the structure of the pyramids sound. The Chinese appreciate you for those millions of tabnabs we've flogged them to finish that wall of theirs. BUT above all Mr G Brown appreciates you as he see's it as a way of get the 2 million workshy buggers back off the dole and building houses in this green and pleasant land for their fat sisters. In fact what we could do is cover the whole bloody country in concrete and all ex M.N personal move to Canada, Oz , or Kiwi. In fact we could sail our own ships over to those distant lands.
Right Lads stand ready to repel boarders as I think we might have a fe3w complaints from the polictical correct brigade. Mike

Right on Mike. Now we have Terry in the Galley this mangey crew will have someone else to pick on.
Good job you left a keg of 16 bells in my cabin, else my 'sensitive' nature could have been upset with the adverse comments regarding my culinary masterpieces [tab nabs] described by you and Les. Although his idea of the cat might be worth a try as long as the one using the whip is in black leather and female. Thought I had better add the female bit, so those Welsh Witches dont apply for the job.
Den.

[Geoff Anderson]

Hi All.
So weve got another COOK???. well i hope he can cook , maybe thrid time lucky ,eh.Anyway cant be any worse than the last 2, maybe this one can boil water without burning it !!!!.
HEY ive got a sister that might be good for the cat, she can be a right bitch sometimes. Do you think thats a good enough reference.
I fell sorry for Den after all that hard work making his tabnabs, nearly ruining his kidneys with all that extra rum rations. and what does he get , the ELBOW and another keg of 16 bells.
hey lads weve got 2 applicants, who do you fancy
taffy 1eye

[happy daze john in oz]

Had a thought, without hurting my brain, as he is soooooooooo popular why not make a statue of that nice George W. using the tab nab mixture. Then when we get to Iraq we can set up a stall charging 5 shekels a throw of the shoe. We could get enough to buy some decent grog then. I am having halucinations from the stuff Taffy and the welch witches are brewing below decks with that still they stole from the Ark.

[Geoff Anderson]

So thats where our special supply of rust remover and metal cleaner has been going.At least you want have any problems with your pipework John. That stuff is guaranteed to clean right around the bends, you were lucky it only gave you hallucinations.But for gawd sake dont look at the insides of the toilet pan, when you next go .The reflection.It'll blind you.If you have any left , bring it back and we'll give you the proper good stuff.
taffy 1eye

[Peter Fishwick]

Hi all

Got me oil skins i'm comming on board lamptrimmer will suit me fine

[Dennis McGuckin]

Hi All.
So weve got another COOK???. well i hope he can cook , maybe thrid time lucky ,eh.Anyway cant be any worse than the last 2, maybe this one can boil water without burning it !!!!.
HEY ive got a sister that might be good for the cat, she can be a right bitch sometimes. Do you think thats a good enough reference.
I fell sorry for Den after all that hard work making his tabnabs, nearly ruining his kidneys with all that extra rum rations. and what does he get , the ELBOW and another keg of 16 bells.
hey lads weve got 2 applicants, who do you fancy
taffy 1eye

Thanks Taffy 2. I've sacrificed my body [what's left of it] for this crew, and what thanks do I get!! I'm jumping ship and heading to the desert in California. May just join one of those Hippie communes, if they still have them. At least I wont have to put up with all the detrimental comments regarding my tab nabs.
Den.