Virtual Ship

[Geoff Anderson]

Hi All.
Welcome on board Wilky.Dont worry about the missis giving you a good send off, im sure the baker , postman, milkman Etc Will make sure she, s well looked after.
Bloody nora thats another one in the galley,Ill have to nip around and lock the starboad door, as if we keep pushing people into the galley. They ll start falling out of the other door soon .
John how much of that tomato soup did you have???, It wasnt tomato soup !.Since cariad went on holiday i couldnt find a big pot to dye our cloaks red. So i used that one on the galley stove. I suppose id better check and see if les b anne and queenie havent turned red as well.
Taffy 1eye

[alf corbyn]

hi den i have been informed that the bank of england vaults were built with your tabnabs.
cheers. alf

[Dennis McGuckin]

Hence the saying 'Strong as the Bank of England.
Not true Alf. You are now down in my 'Book' Careful what you eat from now on!!
Den.

[wilky]

Woke up this morning after a night in Oblivion [ and what a night it was] to the smell of Dens tab nabs.....went back to sleep again..Had a funny dream . I was out on deck and saw Les B Ann extracting crustacians from One eyes barnacles. With a pair of tweezers! whats that all about ? . Anyway Den dont worry Im not coming to work in the galley , couldnt cook to save my life . Still open minded on my job , any ideas ? Right Im off to tour the ship . By the way I was an AB in my former life but can turn my head to anything

[Gulliver]

Extracts fromCaptains Log 9/07/09
Just read a terrific tale about spoons and flies from dear old Keith at Tregenna-you know,at first I thought he was an 'undertakerish' type of character,but he's certainly emerged from his closet er ...crypt,and shown what a good shipmate he is....is he signed on?
Whch brings me to Wilky....,dear old Wilky,.how come everybody who wants to sign on dear old m.v.Virtuality wants to work in the Galley? I'll tell you why,it's the cushiest job afloat on any ship,anytime! Hell no.I'm not having it so you can get back on deck and be a n Able? bodied seaman,especially as we may need you in case we need you to go ashore on those S t.Lawrence Seaway booms(or am I confusing this with another thread?
I think we're already down by the head with you lot,especially Dens bricks...er,tabnabs Can' t understand -as the galley is aft!
As for Captain Kong,I respect the guy so much for his tales and experience,well I will just take inspiration from his tales and try to emulate him...I'm not really suceeding,on this old ship,I do love the old salts tales but personally I prefer to curl up anights with a good Hornblower....which brings me to new-fangled female cadette Ms.Les B.Anne....Happy Dozy John mentioned that there D-Bay auction,well she excelled herself recently (on F Bay) and has procured us (for less than one penny, a good 1972 Esso Roadmap for our chart portfolio,corrected to 1st April 1973....so we're on our way,lads. Who on earth (sea?) is this Queenie...keep her away from Les B.Anne,please .
Back to me Tomato Soup,,,,(you have to keep up with this thread)
Here endeth me log for today,,,except where be Pemcol (engineer in charge,)we know he's delirious about this Somali coast cruise,,,and the Bitch is Back....Terry?- is she really?
God Bless this Vessel,and All who Sail in Her!

Very rare out-of uniform mugshot appears below

[Les Woodard]

Wilky I do not know what the meaning of your dream (be it a horror one or wet one) but I have seen Geoff sneaking around in a stooped manner but he has stopped scratching his crutch area now and the eye patch is still in place so maybe that could go some way to explaining the dream. So must ask you Wilky are you sharing a cabin with Geoff? As for joining us on deck I must warn you to give captain kong a wide berth as from what he had told us he is a walking disaster and I am making sure that I am on a different watch to him. Last one I heard is that he found the quick way down from being aloft and we had to clean up between the winches after he had done his swan dive.

[happy daze john in oz]

Gulliver, was the Hornblower from Les B Ann, and what was Queenie doing with a pair of tweezers? Poor Wilky must have thought his end had come! But where did Queenis come from, did Alf smuggle her aboard one night, or was it Vernon looking for some additional entertainment. Where ever she came from, we appear to be stuck with her and I am not sure if she drank the soup or has been in it. But unless that new Esso road map is up to scratch then we may all well be in the soup. Not sure why the Welsh witches wanted to dye anything red but there is a rumor going around that they have started to sing, 'The peoples flag is deepest red.............., are they going to hijack us all?

[Geoff Anderson]

Its ok lads us welsh taffys are not turning into commies. We just thought we would have a uniform, and if ever we get into problems we could wave the red clocks as a sign of danger, were on the loose. Les b anne was just helping me out with those tweezers,she wanted to know how they worked, and when i asked her why. She just said crabs, ho i said and are they itching ,yes she said and driving me crazy. So lads watch out for anybody scratching and you ll know where theve been.
H M the QUEEN is not amused at not being know on board this ship, so unless you want to be crossed off the honours list.And she would like to know where philip is ???
Welcome to the deck wilky, is that a scratch i see you doing.
taffy1eye

[Michael Lawrence]

Please note as of 8 bells this a.m. all leave is cancelled for the duration. E.R. is looking for Phil who seems to of gone on walk-a-bout. If he should meet up with the Welsh Taffia on the foredeck there could be some problems as we all know that when a little Greek is mixed with a lot of Wales you can get an explosion. W.R. has asked if the E.R. is having tea and should SHE be warned off Den's tabnabs. This is for Den. My son in law say's never mind about his caulinary delights as his wife looks after those , what about these bri--- oops tabnabs or can't you supply a couple of 1000.
I didn't know King Kong had signed articles otherwise I would of had a keg of 64 Bells standing by for him. Also he could of signed his latest adventure story and I could of flogged it on E Bay.

Wilky. Welcome aboard lad. You can be a fireman, an A.B., a Winger or 2nd assistant to the 3rd assistant cook in the galley, BUT YOU CAN'T BE GALLEY BOY. Please sign for your bottle of 8 Bells and return slip to Dazy John who will see that Vernon the Purser receives it sometime in the distant future so he can balance the books. I was thinking of calling Vernon Nero coz he fiddles while Den burns (food that is)

Now the reason for cancelled shoreleave is because a crowd of us are due for an engagement shortly in a place called Sharpness. It is in memory of those who gave up their youth to serve Queenie and Country and any other females that hoved to. So lets have the old girl (ship that is) made shipshape and Bristol with all brass polished and jeans washed and ironed fore and aft, clean T shirts and fingernails. With a bit of luck we should berth by 0900 hrs on the 08-08-09.

You who were not fortunate enough to serve on her could of got and idea of what it was like if you had gone to Borstal. Mike

[wilky]

AB Wilky reporting for duty, Ive cast off forward, but I think I,m the only one here so we are going to be facing in the opposite direction, please take this into account when reading the esso road map or we could end up in back in Oblivion. Now theres a thought ! forget everything Ive just said and carry on as normal . See you back in Oblivion.........What was it the Beach Boys sang ....This is the worst ship Ive ever been on. Well Im changing it to this is the best ship...Wake me up when we are at sea