Virtual Ship

[Gulliver]

Dear Mr.Lawrence...Cruise Director,sir.
We might have 900+ Postings on this Virtual Ship,but seems we're still going round in circles(Alf tied to the wheel),Den driving everybody mad with his interminable fetish with 'tabnabs' etc.
Tell you what,now that you've finally moored your Thames Flattie down in Zummerzet,pruned your Welsh Rose,and sorted out your telecomms....how about a New crew list sometime.Yes,I know there have been several prospective crewmembers offering their services,but it's the same old story...you can never get a good crew together when you want one. I can even suggest two new ones...how about Daishop as Computer Operations Manager,and yet another Taffy,Mr.Louis Amigo as Paddle Steamer Mechanic(just in case).
Me and Les B.Anne are still here,I've introduced her to the mysterious workings of me old 'steam radar' and she's now up to 1979 with her chart corrections to our trusty old Esso Road Map(1958 Ed'n)....so have no fear,we're ready to go places.High on the list,and believe me it's 48degrees to port at the moment) are that exciting cruise up the Somali coast,and that 6 week drydock in Lisbon.

Till then,I'll be found down 'Ye Olde Faggott & Firkin' or on me own in me Virtual Canoe.
Gulliver

[Michael Lawrence]

Now Cap., Gulliver. I likes your idea of renewing the contracts and getting the crew to put their thumbprints to the sign on docs.,. But please remember I've earned my place as galley boy by the sheer dint of hard work I've done trying to avoid hard work. Also you must know living only a spit and a draw from the Welsh Kingdom how very clannish they (the Taffs) can be. Look how they organised themselves on the fore deck along with that jumbo sized cauldron, which they say is for grog. I've me doubts on that as I saw them trying a full size dummy figure in there. Lets not forget until Suetonius Paulinus along with his trusty aide Argricula with their legionaires got amongst them they were still partial to the odd human or two. I mean lets think of Vernon as they might take a fancy to a bit of Springbok and make a deliberate mistake. Theres Dazy John who they could say they thought was a jolly jump buck. How about George and his fancy for belle bottoms, they might use one of their fair maids to entice him within range. Very buxom and tasty to the eye is a bit of Welsh rarebit (nudge,nudge, wink, wink) Louis Amigo I'm sure has connections with the Welsh Taffia coz he's always on about the Bay and we know what a bunch of tigers they can be, And can you believe Daishop, I mean he's a trader and lives on the coast. I bet he still goes in for a bit of wrecking along with Louis. Finally don't forget those ones already on the foredeck, I mean they PRETEND to be Kiwis but 'ave you ever seen an All Black wearing a Red Dragon.
Finally lets think about Alf, we all know how vunerable he is, if they change the shape of the circle he'll be in real trouble.
I suggest we put them in the black gang and see what develops. Mike

P.S. Lets not forget Den who they might say they mistook for a large elk.

[Dennis McGuckin]

Mike, me umble apologies. Forgot all about that Christmas gift of 32 Bells. Guess that's what all that rum does for the old memory.
Also forgot about the $1000 loan. I know you wouldn't lie about a thing like that. Will be mailed to you today.Course it will be in the hands of Canada Post, so don't hold your breath.

Gulliver mate,
I have in the past had the misfortune to have contacted several questionable disease's, but as far as I am aware, I have never had 'Interminable Fetish" Sounds nasty!
Den.

[Gulliver]

(Takes me back to playing with me little boat in me bathtub)

Well,Den,if it's not interminable,you must be cured!
Don't know what Mike was on about there,but I've e-mailed a copy to my 'trick cyclist'.
I think that's the way they talk down there in Zummerzet though.

Good to be under way then,reckon that there anchor 'weighed' 5 tons,7 cwt. in old money.
All our little flags fluttering in the stiff breeze,'steam radar' letting off....well,steam!,Esso Road Map face down on the chart table,genuine? rum tabnabs baking in the galley,marline spikes and handbags flying round the messroom,someone sulking on #5 Hatch.....yes,good to be back at sea
Roll on 8 Bells!

[Geoff Anderson]

Hi ALL.
CREW LIST.

SHIP WITH NO NAME .

Mike -Galley boy/cruise director.
Des- Ab/ navigator.
John in a daze- Chief bar steward.
Alf QM.
Vernon Chief steward.
Den Chief cooo k & tabnab maker,
Terry 2nd cooo k & tabnab maker,
Bilges ships cat,
Taffy 1eye lookout,
John meekem lamp trimmer,
Older taffy fix-it man,
Les Ab,
Graham Capt tiger,
Blow up dolls As themselves,
Pemcol Fireman/ greaser,
George Gangway/Qm,
Gulliver Capt,
Les Be Anne Capts side kick/apprentice
Cariad mynydd Caerphilly Couldron


I know ive missed some bodies off this list, and for that I humbly apologize


If ive missed you please let me know.

Taffy 1eye, All aboard the sky lark.

[Geoff Anderson]

Hi All.
Do we have a padded cell on this ship, ?. As i think mike is headed for it, lol, its that or he,s got an inferior complex. Going on about us harmless taffy,s.. I know he married WELSH, and he tried to live WELSH,But you have to be born WELSH to be WELSH. No wonder all my mail went missing when he was in the post office. Never mind we will humor him for a while, and just hope Cariad the couldron doesnt read this. As he will be right in the soup, literally. She,s already got her eye on Den for saying nasty things about her. As for them Romans ,she has always loved beans, human beans that is.espesually whem they come with that spicy Italian flovour. YUM YUM. Mind you she,s also a bit partal to a bit of WORZLE. ha ha.
Taffy 1eye

[happy daze john in oz]

No mention of our dear old mate Alf, who for the last six months has been roped to the wheel No wonder we keep going round in circles. The problem we have with all the Welsh on board is that they may well welch on us and then we will all be in it, the cauldron that is. Their taste for the delicacy of human flesh slowly roasted over an open fire is still in their jeans, and we know where they are buting them, from the Op shop. I know they are trying very hard to overcome this terrible habit by eating Den's tab nabs and drinking 4 bells, leaving the 32 bells for the senior crew. But i just asw one of them tying a catherine wheel to alf, that will have him in an even worse spin.

[Gulliver]

Excellent,Taffy 1 Eye...now put your glass eye back in and stop sucking on it,it's not a humbug you know. Now I'll be able to print this List out in triplicate....where the heck has my carbon gone...pushed it into that little tray on my 'puter.(Les B Anne menacingly told me it's not a coffee cup holder),and now it's disappeared inside. Wait..I'm seeing it in triplicate images now,but then I always do after an 8 Bells session.
As for the old girl herself I enrolled her on a correspondence course from the Greek Nautical College in Lesbos,so maybe I'll have a quick look at it myself...just to make sure they're still teaching we old navigators the 'wrinkles' of the trade,not that I need any more on me old 'fizzog'-I look at our trusty Esso Road Map(chart)-1958 ed. and swear I see my face!

So, 8 Bells....and All's Well(heh! heh!).....Somali Coast here we come!
Gulliver
m.v.VIRTUALITY

[Geoff Anderson]

Hi John.
Alf 4th on the list, as QM , but i think that should be question mark ''? can he steer. No doubt somebody else will have other meanings for QM'.??????????.
Hey Gulliver Davy me butty. can you put our ship on an even keel / looks like its got brewers droop, or gone to sleep. ha ha.
taffy 1eye , ho bugger Ive swallowed me eye, never mind it ll see me through the week, and a quick lick and polish it will be clean again.

[Gulliver]

Hey Taffy 1-Eye,causing me nothing but grief. I n the old days you'd be logged and flogged for your insubordination--these days all we can give you is a 'blogging'.
Listen I'm not your old sandwich,whatever 'me butty 'is,and the only Welshmen who can call me that are Louis the Amigo and Daishop.
So I say to you bwtya fy gachu.!( Brian's spellchecker no parlez Welsh(ha ha!)
As for casting nasturtiums on my stability calculations,and your impertinent allusion to Angle of Dangle and Angle of Loll,I'll have you know that a 48 deg.to port,followed by a 48 deg.list to cardboard makes this vessel upright in any mariner's (stability) book,look you!
Oh Ye of Little Faith,will be the first to be fed to the pirates off Somalia! "Alf! steer ENE three-quarters East !"

(Gulliver's gone below for his sedation/medication)

Les B.Anne(2nd in Command)