Virtual Ship

[happy daze john in oz]

Taff mate I heard someone say it is bean soup. we know that but what is it now????

[Les Woodard]

I take it that we will keep on getting the seagull breakfast every day. Drink of water and a quick look around. Is it my imagination or is the ship starting to list to starboard with all the tab nabs that Mike is storing.

[happy daze john in oz]

This morning I bottled the plum wine, but not before tasting it. This wine would kill a brown dog and give blind Freddy his sight back. The hydrometer jumped out of the tub when I tried it and if nothing else it will make a fantastic paint stripper. Be a lot easier than the chipping hammer. Den could add some to the tab nabs to give them body, though come to think of it talking of bodies has anyone seen Alf lately. Do we have a reincarnation of Sweeny Todd on board by any chance???????

[Les Woodard]

John I am interested in whose plums you used to make the wine with. That may be why we seem short handed at the moment. The only one that would be able to strut their stuff would be Les B Anne. Anyway when will we all be able to partake of this delicious paint stripper I mean nectar.

[Michael Lawrence]

John. What a lovely chap you are. Plum wine delicious and refreshing. Full of vitiamin c and concentration of iron. Is it possible to thicken it up a little with molasses and some crumbs of Dens 5 x 1, bake in the oven and convert to tablet form. We er,sorry John slight slip of the fingers. You could market the product and sell it as a healthy diet additive. A sure fire way to lose weight. Take one tablet in the morning with a gallon of water and get p****d, take another for lunch and stay p****d, one before retiring for the night which will ensure a good nights rest and in the morning start all over again. If my calculations are correct, and I'm sure they are you'll be too hungover to think about food. What little solid substance you need will be provided by Den's brick dust er I mean tabnab crumbs. The molasses will ease it thru the system so there will be no blockages. You could call it the Victorious Victoria recipe which could find a big market in all gyms and health centres across five continents.
You John could become our first millionaire and then we wouldn't have to worry about money but help you spend yours. So you need someone innocent and reliable who is just starting out in life, someone like the nice young chap in the photo below. Mike:

Attachment 1241

[Dennis McGuckin]

Now hear this you lazy lubbers. Be advised. I am on my way back to the ship. Should be aboard around April 8th. Expect the Galley to be ship shape. Will be doing a quality control test on the latest batch of 32 Bells.
Also checking that the tabnabs are up to my high standard.
Keep a weather eye out for those Welsh witches. Dont want them mucking with the brew.
Hang in there Terry. The two of us will soon have things back to normal. Or whatever stands for normal on this vessel.
Den.

[happy daze john in oz]

What a lovely looking young man in the photo Mike supplied, maybe taken last year in the spring. Have no doubt he will go far, some may say not far enough, but when he gets a taste of the tab nabs he will think he is in heaven, or would that be hell? He may of course become a little confused when he hears 32 bells being rung, he may well think the ship is going down, the constant rining of the ships bells. But he will survive by clining to a raft of tab nabs, made so light by Den they will float. I must stop drinking this struff before the men in the white coats come.

[Gulliver]

What a lovely looking young man in the photo Mike supplied, maybe taken last year in the spring. Have no doubt he will go far, some may say not far enough, but when he gets a taste of the tab nabs he will think he is in heaven, or would that be hell? He may of course become a little confused when he hears 32 bells being rung, he may well think the ship is going down, the constant rining of the ships bells. But he will survive by clining to a raft of tab nabs, made so light by Den they will float. I must stop drinking this struff before the men in the white coats come.

Too Late,John! Off you jolly well pop!
Gulliver

[Michael Lawrence]

Gulliver. Welcome back now you can check your charts and get us somewhere. BUT just a small request can I take the W.R. to Holland on Monday for a few days? Just to see the flowers, promise I won't go any where near the Red Light area of Amsterdam. Well I might have a small peep just to see if I can remember what all the fuss was about. Mike
P.S. I could bring you back a bottle of Jenevers if you want.

[Gulliver]

Gulliver. Welcome back now you can check your charts and get us somewhere. BUT just a small request can I take the W.R. to Holland on Monday for a few days? Just to see the flowers, promise I won't go any where near the Red Light area of Amsterdam. Well I might have a small peep just to see if I can remember what all the fuss was about. Mike
P.S. I could bring you back a bottle of Jenevers if you want.

Ar Mike---you've forced me into this---this is your new-fangled female cadet turned Mistress Mariner Ms Les B.Anne here. Old Man Gulliver is still in the lazarette(a.k.a.'Ye Olde Faggott and Firkin'),quaffing his 4 x 8 Bells,which equalls 36 by my reckoning-don't you worry I didn't get to be a Mistress Mariner by maths alone. !

His 'steam radar' is absolutely U/S as normal,whilst his 1958 Esso Road map(now corrected to 1974) is just fine---oops,hard a cardboard for that rock ahead,no sorry,that's a dried bit of pizza on the map/chart.

Headed for theAntipodes are we lads..O.K.-turn to starboard off Phuket(watch out for Brian's spellchecker there!

Reminds me we just passed an old French warship General Charles de Gaulle'formerly the Napoleon Blonaparte.Think that's how you spell it.She's registered in M****ILLE,but hard to make out the A,R,S and E!(these ******** spellcheckers)

Ok Lads

So tis tabnabs from me and Victory'V'from he.
(Mike,what the heck does WR stand for--often wondered.)


Your Captain

Mistress Mariner Les.B. Anne
(Your Captain in loco parentis)