Virtual Ship

[Gulliver]

Ladies. Ladies or is that Laddies. I'm still adrift in the wilds of Zummersat( can't find it on the 'Old Old Old Man's chart of E.S.S.O. 62 ) but hoping to be rescued soonest from this strange area of doldrums and cyclones where I is at present. See the 'Old old old Man has put in for retirement and a Captain Whiskers is in charge. Very nice of the'O.O.O. M. to promote me before he left for the cabin with balcony(is that the crow's nest?). I only have one question is it hard working as cruise director and is that something like a pant(r)y man on one of those floating gin joints? Do I have to try out all the acts before engaging them and does that include the acrobats? Will I get more pay and does that mean double of zilch? Will see the DR ref., more and stronger pills and do I need niagra or viagra or in my case stronger finesteride to keep me in an upright position. Must close as theres a queue for the computers here in the library and they start charging after 1/2 hour. Mike

Dear Cruise/Crews Director Lawrence on the library computer.Why do they charge you?.They're free in my local library -mind you there's a half mile queue outside the door....
Please send the bill to me...only I've misplaced my address,never mind I'll send it later.

Yes it's all true you may have a new command in the offing.

Hands off that deluxe suite with balcony on X-Deck...it's mine!

Keep on taking that finestride...sounds like just the thing to take when you're a bit down.

Come back soon!
Gulliver

[Geoff Anderson]

Hi All.
Only JOKING lads. Thought it a bit quiet on this wee ship of ours.Got to do something to stop the boredom, Ive done all the cleaning and our cauldron is nice and shiny. Ready to make up another brew.
Taffy 1eye.

[Dennis McGuckin]

Capt. Whiskers sir,
Let me introduce myself.
Den by name, of tabnab fame.
That nasty last skipper wouldn't give me access to unlimited rum for the use of production in said tabnabs.
He had an orrible suspicions mind. Thought I would drink the rum and use rum extract in it's place.
I swear to you the thought never crossed my mind [says he with fingers entwined behind back]
So good sir [suck,suck] If you will just sign the chit for that no good chief steward[whose name shall not be mentioned, but he should have stayed on the Castle boats] I will be your man. I could even be bribed to spy on those Welsh witches for you. A task I may add, that no other would have the courage to attempt.
I remain.
Your most umble and obedient servant.
Den.
P.S. Don't forget the rum chit SIR.xxx

[Geoff Anderson]

Ho Den.
You can get off your knees now. Fancy squirming to bribery No wonder you got arfer i tus in your knees. If you want a bottle of that nice 8 bells rum you only had to ask . Us nice welsh witches would have given you one maybe even two bottles if we d have known you were that desperate.
taffy 1eye. with a box of 8 bells

[happy daze john in oz]

Taffy, just what have you done, you gone and cleaned the cauldron. What we going to do now for flavour in the stew, you nicked it all. Den spent weeks burning tab nabs in there to give the stew some sustanance and to disguise the fact he was using rum essence. But all is not lost, maybe the new skipper might like to do his dhobi in it first up, that should give it a bit of a flavour. But as we are still in Paxo and it is summer maybe we could do a solar b.b.q. Les b Ann could be in charge of pricking and turning the sausages.

[Geoff Anderson]

Hi John.
Dont worry everything is under control, more than i can say for the ship. Our cauldron is the MK 11, it is self dirtying type.Plus with a little help of a few sweaty socks, Pinch of this and that, she ll be up and running in no time.Mind you its still looking for Den after he insulted our cauldron She has a long memory does our Carriad. I done think Les b anne likes sausages ! Maybe we could have some meat patties instead with a hole in the middle, she should like that.
taffy 1eye

[Doc Vernon]

Well all you lazy layabouts,i have today put on a specail for you all!
We are to be serving some lovely Pancakes nicely browned with delicious Syrup and Cream!
Dont know why i do these things for you!! haha!
Now can we get some work done!
Cheers

[happy daze john in oz]

Nicely browned venon???? Or is that some special South African speak for burned?????? Pray tell where is the cream coming from as the ships cow took fright at the thought of being fed tab nabs and now refuses to give milk, or have you done a deal with the greaser and the cleaner and mixed grease with bleach? Well at least it would clean this lot up.

[Doc Vernon]

Nicely browned venon???? Whats that!! haha! Seniors again John!

The Syrup will be the left overs from all the dregs of the Rum Casks,the Cream will be that of the old Coconuts we have left in storage down below,dont know how old they are haha!
And yes Browned Burnt! Like a bad piece of Toast!
Cheers

[Dennis McGuckin]

Hi Taffy 2,
Thanks for the offer of rum, but think I would prefer drinking my extract instead of something from the cauldron. Heard some nasty things about the ingredients in that pot.
Den.