Virtual Ship

[Michael Lawrence]

It was on the good ship 'Virtuality'
When the crew departed from reality
They sailed near they sailed far.
Coz George we know he loves a Tar.
With bell bottoms trim and bosom swell
He knew he was in heaven and not in hell
Two cooks aboard and neither cooks
They flog us tabnabs and sell the 'chooks' (borrowed from the dictionary of Oz)
While on the fore deck witches gather
Who all are Welsh and can't they blather
The mate they say is Les B Anne
Whose neither girl and not a man
But Gulliver he's got it sorted
When John complained he quick retorted
That officers were bright and gay
And that the head office liked it that way
So Vernon's sneaking round the stores
To find me even greater chores.
We've not seen land since we departed
And all these beans of Heinz have started
A competition to see who's ******
The Taffs they won because their cauldron
Is full of wind and half baked onion



O.K. Some one else have a go. Mike

[Dennis McGuckin]

Would be tough to top you Mikle- the Bard.
Pity you don't have any talents in the galley!!
Den.

[happy daze john in oz]

Talents in the galley?? As far as I can see we have no talents in any department on this ship. Well not strictly true we know Den can make make believe tab nabs, and if you believe they are tab nabs then you have aserious problem. Though Alf has developed a new talent, he is now capable of becoming a saint, one to counter saint Catherine as he spends his day spinning on the wheel. No wonder St. Christopher got the flick as the patron saint of travelers, having seen this lot he would no doubt have resigned anyway.

[Michael Lawrence]

Now Alf he's standing by the 'wheel'
As it spins round to starboard
And Gulliver confuses him as he shouts steer to larboard
Coz Alf forgot that larboards port
And tugs the wheel right over
Allowing the Welsh mafia to fall upon their 'wart' (collectively as being witches they would 'ave warts)
But worse of all Les B Ann, she fell about his neck
And nearly broke the poor b******'s
Ooh, Ow. Ooh help Ooh 'eck

Now Mick is in the galley,unusual place to be
Coz galley boys are never where their supposed to be.
He's peeling spuds and carrots and also nice dried peas
He keeps an eye on Terry and Den the both are on their knees
They'ed found and broached the rum cask
And drink like it's in fashion
My God-- their making tabnabs with a passion.


Who's turn is it in the barrel. Mike

[Dennis McGuckin]

Hey Mike that’s a nifty little ditty,
Though comment regarding my good self is a little iffy [can substitute for s***y]
To be accused of drinking rum, instead of using it for Plum [duff]
You have decimated my good name [which took me years to falsify]
For this I hope you feel deep shame.
Instead of suing for all you’ve got [last I heard you were deep in dept to the Chief Steward and half the crew]
I intend to devise a plot.
To get revenge is my intent.
When next a tab-nab you decide to try, make sure the Karzi is VERY close by.
To mess with the cook/baker is not too neat, as you never know next what you are going to eat.
Den.

[Michael Lawrence]

The witches on the fore deck have their cauldron going barmy
Den is in the galley scoffing an egg sarnie
Terry's hot upon the range,
No doubt we're feeding something strange
John is in the store room hunting for the spam,
Vernon's sculking in his den hiding all the jam
Alf is steering on the wheel, coo thats something new
He can't tell east from west or magnetic from the true
Gulliver our SKIPPER is reading up his map
He's finding it a handful with Les B Anne upon his lap
George he's with binocs looking back abaft
Swears he saw a mermaid, blimey that's a laugh
Me! I'm in the lifeboat and i'm not in jest
Helping out our stowaway to sort of sort her chest
No idea about the black gang, sure they all deserted
Found the going much to tough also too exerted.

Going slowly round the bend
Some one else help make an end
To this prose which is so lousy
Ooh wait a min it's off with her blousy.

Mike

[alf corbyn]

how the hell do you expect me to steer this crazy ship.?? i have no navigator and someones talking about true magnets and all of us lot on the bridge are rolling about laughing at those nutty rhymes.
WHERE ARE WE??. alf

[Michael Lawrence]

The crew they've gone, along with both the lifeboats
But Skipper is still upon the bridge looking thru his binos
Maybe we're off Africa and he's looking at some rhinos
The fore deck's clear of all the Welsh, believe they're playing rugby
Against a tribe of pygmy folk and crikey aren't they ugly ( the Taffia that is not the pygmies)
Vernon's gone right round the bend, I'm sure he's drinking Ajax
But John has done the impossible and made Les B Anne a kayak
And now she's launching off the stern or maybe from the bow
And George is all excited by her bottom(s) hear him howl
We know Alf's in one lifeboaty coz its going round and round
And if Terry don't hurry and grab the rope, i'm sure he'll bloody drown
Poor Den is on a rum cask upon the ocean blue
His colours gone all greeny and I'm sure he's soon to spew
He must of eaten some tabnabs, Oh, what a foolish man
To go and eat those tabnabs, does he know there full of bran?

Me I'm in the galley peeling spuds galore
So someone else take up a pen and with prose outpour

Mike

[Terry Wilcox]

"OH MY GOD" what do we have here! Robbie Burns ! We have a poet and don't know it. When I was at sea, anyone writing poetry was ????? how many girls have we on our ship?? Well I am going back to the galley, and try to think up what to put onto the menu....... queen of puddings seems to be the in thing at the moment. Ha, Ha. See you all later........ Take care.. Terry.

[Tommy the T]

Ooops,

I missed the ship, taken me 6 months to catch up with her

Anyways, I,m back in the galley, got the choux pastry on for some extra special choccy eclair tab nabs,

glad to be back,
must clean my cabin, smells of sweaty socks LOL....

cheers
Tommy