Smoko,Lads!

[Mike Newell]

5 ands. The landlord of a pub called The Horse And Groom asked a signwriter to make a new sign. When he saw it he thought that the words were too close together so he said to the signwriter “I want more space between Horse and And and And and Groom".

[Jim Brady]

Quite right that Mike,the landlord of the Pig And Whistle up here had the same problem
Regards.
Jim.B.

[alf corbyn]

when i went to school "Y" was classed as an extra vowel alf

[Gulliver]

Diana Fluck,who became Diana Dors
“
They asked me to change my name. I suppose they were afraid that if my real name Diana Fluck was in lights and one of the lights blew…(Quote from Diana Dors)
”

　
I’ve always liked Diana Dors,as no doubt did most of you .
I wish I’d kept her autograph,obtained for me when I was 12 in 1964.Ms Dors was opening a new Kenkast Prefabricated Garage showroom(remember them?) on the East Lancs Road at Astley in Lancashire.My Dad was the local police sergeant in charge of ‘security’ such as it was then.He also got me a photograph of her at the event ,draped over the bonnet of a sports car.That photo mysteriously disappeared overnight-I think Mum must have ‘confiscated’ it! Ha! Ha!
Ms. Dors would have been 33 then, and her chest size considerably greater than that! Sadly she died in 1984.She was 52.
Another story:
According to Dors's autobiography, she was once asked and readily agreed to open a fête in her home town of Swindon, England. Prior to the festivities, Dors lunched with the local vicar , during which she informed him that her real name was Diana Fluck. The vicar became somewhat worried about his planned speech. After lunch, they arrived at the fête at the appointed time. The vicar, totally unnerved about mispronouncing "Fluck", introduced Diana with these immortal words:
“
Ladies and gentlemen, it is with great pleasure that I introduce to you our star guest. We all love her, especially as she is our local girl. I therefore feel it right to introduce her by her real name; Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome -the very lovely--- Miss Diana Clunt.!”

And a mystery….
Before she died, Dors apparently hid away what she claimed to be over £2million in banks across Europe. Eighteen months before her death, she gave her son Mark Dawson a sheet of paper, which she told him was a code that would reveal the whereabouts of the money.
Her widower,Alan Lake, supposedly had the key that would crack the code. But Lake committed suicide only five months after Dors died, leaving Dawson an apparently unsolvable code. Dawson, however, was determined to discover his late mother's fortune. He sought out computer forensic specialistsInforenz, who recognised the encryption as the Vigenere cipher. Inforenz then used their own cryptography software to suggest a ten-letter decryption key, DMARYFLUCK (short for Diana Mary Fluck, Dors's real name).
Although the company was then able to decode the entire message and link it to a bank statement found in some of Lake's papers, the location of the money is still unknown. Some speculate whether there may have been a second sheet, whose information might have led to the discovery of the money…….

Gulliver

R878267
　
　

[Captain Kong]

My Mother knew Diana when Di was a little girl.
Mother was in the Salvation Army in the 1920s and 30s with Di`s mother, She was a live in servant `In Service`, at Firwood Fold, a large Manor House in Bolton.They were very closefriends, I have letters she sent to Mother from Swindon, very personal, I wont divulge here. She left Bolton with Diana and went into `Service` again in Swindon.
I have a photo of Diana`s Mother, she looks very much like her but in a Salvation Army uniform.
I also have a visiting card with the name and adress of the House she was working and living in.
I will dig them out and show them sometime when I get the chance.
I was also in the Salvation Army when I was a young lad before my teens, Grandmother made me go out every Saturday selling the "War Cry" and "Young Soldier", the Salvation Army`s newspapers. I was known as a" Little Sunbeam"
Look at the State of me now.,

[Pete Leonard (Bruno)]

Hi Alf.
As an Enfield boy (my Mum was born in Silver Street) you must remember the Cockney alphabet. I am missing one or two. So if you or anyone else can fill in the gaps it would make my day.

A for 'orses-- B for mutton-- C for thilanders-- D for ence-- E for Peron-- F for vescence-- G for police--
H for........?.I for Novello-- J for Orange-- K for teria-- L for leather--M for sis-- N for cement-- O for the garden wall-- P for your whistle -- Q for bananas (1945)--- R for minute S for......?. T for two--- U for me Viva la France--- W for.......?. X for breakfast Y for sweetheart. Z for.......?
Cheers
Pete

[Mike Newell]

As I remember them: H for consent, S for you, W for a quid, Z for breezes.

[alf corbyn]

a for horses, b for mutton, c forth islanders, d for ential, e for brick, f for vessence, g for the love of mike, h for? i for an eye, j for oranges, k for francis,, l for leather m for sis, n for? o for the garden wall, p for relief, q for fish, r for askey, s ter williams, t for two, u for me, v for verril (the drummer),
w for? xfor me, y fo?, z for breeze.
best i can do mate. been a long time. i was born in the link brimsdown enfield alf

[Gulliver]

Smoko! Share a Smile

One from my Humorous Album....

[alf corbyn]

watched a rerun of a rerun of a rerun of the Sweeney last night and guess what! diana dors! she must have been in her late thirties early forties bit fat around the middle but great to see. played a real blousy blonde with a big mouth.stil lgreat looks. alf