What was your worst present ever?

[cappy]

12 year old and desperate for a bike .......the old man said your bike will be here xmas morning ......what colour ...its cobalt blue he said .......next door to us was a window cleaner.......they had bought the bike of him...the one he put his ladders on to wheel around the windows he cleaned......it was hand painted in blue ...poorly ....it had a seat on it the width of a settee......no gears ....took it in our street to findmy pals had racing bikes drop handle bars and derailleur gears....was really peed off ......ist lesson in business i learned i had to peddle harder to keep up ....threw it off the cliffs in shields .....went to the police station and told them someone stole my bike ......the policeman without asking me the colourtook me to the lost and found ....i picked a lovely silver racing bike with gears .....and sed thats mine .....i signed for it.....and have never felt guilty ...regardscappy

[j.sabourn]

Cappy Jim Bradys post about discharge books brought it all back to mind, shortly after you were there on Avonmoor I was doing 3 on and 3 off ship sitting in Hawthorns yard. Towards the end we were lying outside the Dock in the River, the riggers came and put extra moorings out, and the chief came up from Darlington or wherever he lived, overnight for engine trials on the berth. said to me that night come on then show us the high lights of Shields, so took him to the Mechanics, where he immediately picked up these two birds , back to their flat with all the booze for a party. One of them was getting three allotments from 3 different seamen and the other one two. That was 5 seamen from shields I assume who were not aware of where their money was going, as they bought most of the booze. Hope you were keeping a tight rein on Mary in those days. Never saw Rob in the Mechanics though he was probably across in the posh end in the Jungle in North Shields, what colour is your bike now then. Cheers John S

[happy daze john in oz]

The worst, being told by the ships doctor, 'this looks really bad, where did you get it'?

[cappy]

john the mechanics was a rough pub but as you say plenty spare to find ......the best pub was the eagle vaults a bit upmarket from the mechs .......remember a crew on the hemiplecta in the mechs ...she was ready to sail a apprentice came in and shouted will any one from the hemiplecta come now we are ready to go ...he went back very sharply then the 3rdmate came and a shower of glasses saw him off ....next the mate cameand it was agrred all hands would come aboard at 10 pm which we did ......it was a bar then dont know what its like now but some of the characters outside smoking there ciggies would frighten isis to death......as for some of the girls ...one had been from cabin to cabin on one ship i was on ....next ship a tanker the cook said i have just got married and she is coming aboard .....it was the same bird.....very sad times...for the cook saw her many times in the eagle later.....ruff ruff.....even mary called her rough ....regads cappy

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Cappy Jim Bradys post about discharge books brought it all back to mind--now then. Cheers John S

####silver 4 wheels.....regards cappy

[gray_marian]

#9 Louis, 'ouch' bit of an understatement. There is I'm sure a book
in most, ever thought of writing under a pseudonym

[Rodney Mills]

Marion,



I had two gifts I could have done without:


Back before cell/smart phones I would take my vacation in some distant place, as far away from phone and business problems as I could get, and disappear for a couple of weeks. As an example, one year I travelled by dugout canoe (with a guide of course) into the jungle of Borneo.


The year of the first "gift" I had made plans to trek the foothills of Mount Annapurna in Nepal. My friends threw a going-away party for me and gave me a going-away gift. It was a jock-strap, dyed a brilliant pink with the front, pocket protector, covered with brilliant sequins...That's not the end of it...Oh why, oh why didn't I dump the thing. Later, I had picked the stones out of the settings, and decided I would use it as an athletic supporter while skiing.


A couple of years later I am skiing in Aspen Colorado and took a very bad fall, separating all the ligaments in my left knee. I was rushed to hospital and into the Emergency Room and the nurse starts cutting away my ski pants..."Oh s....!" I said remembering what was protecting the family jewels, yep! the jock-strap. The nurse took one look and burst out laughing. I started blustering and begging for her to cut the damn thing off (the jock-strap not the jewels). "Nope," she said, and left the room to return with what seemed like a dozen nurses crowding in to have a look-see and an x-ray technician struggling through the crowd to hook me up. Rounding out a perfect day I really put my foot in it again. "Hey," I shouted over the squeals and laughter, "I'm normal, I Like girls," and finally they cut the jock-strap off, and left me to have my knee x-rayed. Now I sailed for a number of trips on the Castle 'boats', and have observed many of the wingers swishing in and out of the kitchen. I took one look at the dude that's going to shoot me up, with gamma rays or x-rays, or whatever, and knew I was in deep doo-doo. Thankfully I still have all my hair.



My second useless gift is as follows:


Many years ago when married to my ex-wife, we stopped by a fly fishing store, which I frequented regularly, to pick-up some odds and ends for fly tying. The owner knew I liked bamboo fly rods, and showed me one that somebody wanted to sell. I asked how much, he told me, and I don't know, though I would love to have it, it was more than I would spend on myself. When it comes to me I'm cheap, but some how I don't bat an eyelid at spending on a loved one. My ex. was watching, but then began browsing around the store.



A week or so later I called the fly shop and told the owner if the seller would lower the price a bit. "No he's changed his mind about selling," he said. A week later I had a reason to call him again, at the conclusion of our discussion he asked me how I liked my birthday present. "My birthday's not for another week", I told him..."Don't tell your wife I said anything please", he begged, "it's supposed to be a surprise."


Man I was on cloud nine...the seller didn't want to sell the rod...wife bought me a present in the fly-fishing shop...she watched me drool over the bamboo rod.... Bingo! I know what I've got coming.


Time crawled by, and finally my birthday arrives. She say's close your eyes and hold out your hands. I do, but I cupped my fingers together knowing full well a delicate bamboo fly rod is going to be laid gently in my outstretched hands. I felt as though I had the widest grin possible on my face. Wait a minute a great big heavy thing thumped between my hands, I had to change my grip before I dropped it, I opened my eyes and it was a huge rectangular thin package With me not daring to lose the stupid soppy grin on my face. I opened my gift, it was a framed print of some dude fly fishing near a waterfall. It was a signed print with a 'trout unlimited' annual stamp attached (a fly-fishing conservation group), and it cost three times what MY bamboo fly rod would have cost.


Following my later divorce and subsequent marriage, my wife and I sold the 'bleddy' thing for twenty-five bucks in a garage sale and part of the proposal speech to my new wife was no exchange of gifts EVER. We want something, we buy it ourselves.


Cheers, Rodney

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Marian, please excuse the misspelling of your name.

Cheers, Rodney

[Keith at Tregenna]

Did give a mate a small note paper book, took out half the blank pages and wrote on the cover of the remaining blank book: James's book of wit, he still does not get the joke and is still never funny. K.

[Doc Vernon]

Marian, a lot of the lads on here have ended up with presents they didn't want! guess I was one of the lucky ones and no one gave me a present.

That is what I was going to say as my Worst Present Ivan!
But thankfully had it all cleared up in no time,was much more aware in the Future that I can tell you! LOL!
Thank the Lord for Penicillin Shots!
Cheers

[Lou Barron]

A extra rice ration for my 17teenth birthday

[j.sabourn]

If at sea Vernon should thank the Lord for a sober Ch. stwd. master or 2nd. mate. Could easily have got the needle in the wrong quadrant, especially if no tomatoes on board. Dont think a tin of tomato soup would of brought the same memorys to mind of where to stick the needle. Do remember when first putting the needle in where supposed to partially withdraw to make sure you hadnt hit a blood vessel. Cheers JS