Words to Ponder...

[Jacyn Wade]

If there was a shred of doubt the world is totally insane, this will remove it:

This says it all.......

Pythagoras' Theorem: ..............................24 words.
Lord's Prayer: ................................................ 66 words.
Archimedes' Principle: ..................................67 words.
Ten Commandments: ..........................................179 words.
Gettysburg Address: .................................................. ...286 words.
US Declaration of Independence : ................................1,300 words.
US Constitution with all 27 Amendments: ..............................7,818 words.
EU Regulations on the Sale of CABBAGES: ...................26,911 words.


IMPOSSIBILITIES IN THE WORLD

1) You can't count your hair.

2) You can't wash your eyes with soap.

3) You can't breathe when your tongue is out.

Put your tongue back in your mouth, you silly person!

[Neville Roberts]

I need that one on cabbages too take with me ,when I go too the market ,to check everything is AOK

[Red Lead Ted]

Jacyn, Q, What is it any other person can do to you by touching your body??????? That you cant possibly do for yourself when you are awake. Terry.

[Keith at Tregenna]

Tickle ?

K.

[Red Lead Ted]

Spot on Keith Terry.

[happy daze john in oz]

I wonder how many page s on Brussel Sprouts then, the greens thta is not the politicians.

[Don Rafferty]

WHY ENGLISH IS HARD TO LEARN

We'll begin with box; the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox is oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, and two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose is never called meese.

You may find a lone mouse or a house full of mice;
But the plural of house is houses, not hice.
The plural of man is always men,
But the plural of pan is never pen.

If I speak of a foot, and you show me two feet,
And I give you a book, would a pair be a beek?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn't two booths be called beeth?

If the singular's this and the plural is these,
Should the plural of kiss be ever called keese?

We speak of a brother and also of brethen,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him;
But imagine the feminine .....she, shis and shim!

[Keith at Tregenna]

Tickle ?

K.

How do you find out if she is tickleish.





Try: two test tickles.

[Charlie Hannah]

After filing their personal tax returns by April 30th, many Canadians will again receive a tax refund.


This is indeed a very exciting program, and I'll explain it in a Q & A format:

Q. What is a tax refund payment?
A. It’s money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q.. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers.

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. Only a very small bit of it.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment ?
A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China?
A. Shut up.

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the Canadian economy by spending your tax refund wisely:
* If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China or Sri Lanka.

* If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.

* If you purchase a computer, it will go to India, Taiwan or China .

* If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala.

* If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea.

* If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan.

* If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.


Instead, keep the money in Canada by:

1) Spending it at yard sales, or
2) Going to hockey games, or
3) Spending it on prostitutes, or
4) Beer or
5) Tattoos.

(These are the only “truly” Canadian businesses still operating)



Conclusion:
Go to a hockey game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day!

No need to thank me, I'm just glad to be of help.

[Jacyn Wade]

Brilliant, Charlie. Only thing you missed on the list was native smokes.