Confessions of a health addict

[Rodney Mills]

Forgive me shipmates for I have sinned.

Statistics:

Age 74
Height 5' 10 ½'' (1m.79cm)
Weight 156lb (70.9kg-11st 2oz)
Body Mass Index 22.1 (25 + = normal fat bum, 30+ = obese).

Vitals:
Resting: (7 day avg.) pulse 58 b.p. 108/62)
Waist size 33'' (82cm)

Current daily exercise program:

Upper-body strengthening:
30mins. Floor exercise which includes 2 sets of 50 each push-ups, total 100.

Cardiovascular exercise:
Ten mile cycle ride @ 14 m.p.h. Avg.

How utterly stupid and compulsive I am. On my last birthday I had to do my age in consecutive push-ups, plus one to grow-on—75. Then my wife and I hiked 10 miles through our local State Forest, just to see the autumn leaves that had changed color. My wife is an addict too, 5' 2'' (1m. 55cm.), 105lb, (47.7kg – 7st 8oz) and equally sinful. We can't help ourselves, we hike twice a month...sob.

I wasn't always an addict, honest. I swear I was once normal.

In 1968 I was employed at Los Angeles' most exclusive country club as Executive Chef. At least that's what my business card said. I felt it should have said “high salaried n-word”. It was expected that I stroll around the dining rooms in my Chef's whites sans apron, and suck-up to the Grand Monde enjoying dinner. One smart ass tapped me on my stomach and said in a loud voice, “You look like your own best customer Chef, yuck, yuck”. Guffaws all around.

I had a private sitting-room and shower, where I could rest in the afternoon between lunch and dinner. I climbed the stairs to my room, yes, I wheezed a little and my heart thumped a bit but I made it, after all I was normal. I stripped down and gazed into the mirror, and the Buddha stared back: Suet pudding face, 45 '' waist (48cm), boobs to fill Dolly Parton's bra . I stared at the size tag inside my pants, 42-44 and I was over-flowing them. I remember thinking, who would want to cuddle this?
The next day I took my first fix. I started a strict 1000 calorie per day diet, and during my break I walked a quarter of a mile. Each day thereafter, my addiction grew. I shaved calories and increased energy expended. I lost 40 odd lbs. in two months. Oh for shame, the money I deprived my loved ones, the new clothes I had to buy, even shoes-- I dropped a shoe size. I'm sorry lads and lassies, I started main-lining hard. I played singles tennis, then running (not jogging), three miles a day and participating in the mile race. Oh the indignity of it, but that's not all, it gets worse.
In 1983, my wife and I retired and we traveled for twelve or so years. In Australia we did such foolish things, when we could have bellied-up-to the bar, what did we do? I hang my head in shame dear shipmates. We both have P.A.D.I. Master Scuba Diver certification...gasp...and we wasted good eating and drinking time diving over 200 logged dives along the Great Barrier Reef, we dived in Bichano, Tasmania, in Greece, even cavern diving in Florida. In New Zealand it was Matauri Bay, the wreck of the Rainbow Warrior, the Bay of Islands, even beach diving at Goat Island...I'm sorry, I had to stop and wipe my eyes.... What did we know? I was just a kid of fifty, she a babe of forty. Remember back when I was normal, I wheezed climbing the stairs? For mere physical gratification, we climbed Ayer's Rock, included the Nut in Tassie as part of our daily five-mile morning walk. Oh the wasted opportunities in Europe, When we could have been sleeping off a hang-over, we did our morning walk along the Unter-den-Linden, the Champs Elysee, the Plaka to the Acropolis, around the West-End, it just didn't end. I skied Ajax in Aspen. I skied the Olympic run on Whistler Mountain, B.C., from the top to the bottom, a ten mile downhill run non-stop, just to win a Maple Leaf decorated torque(? Hat) from Canadian friends. I lived for the next black diamond ski-run. Youth was my excuse, I was a babe of 45.

Now, I make my testimony before you shipmates. I am a lost soul, I believe inside every skinny person is a normal fat-bum waiting to get out. I swear addiction to a healthy life-style is a terrible thing. The times I've wished I'd lolled on the couch, slurped-up a six-pack and munched on a bucket of chips (crisps), the pain I would have missed, with help I was able to 'kick' the following:

Tennis. Torn right elbow ligament. Tennis elbow.
Running. Stretched groin ligament, shoe spike caught in a rut.
Skiing. 1982 Separated A.C.L and I.C.L. Ligaments, 1 year physiotherapy. 1983 a repeat, only this time the right knee (addicts are slow learners, they need reinforcement).

I had a surgery screwed-up on my throat and I had to undergo corrective emergency surgery (at a different hospital), spending three weeks in hospital being fed through the chest, nothing by mouth. After a week or so I needed a fix in the worst way. I placed the battery pack on a wheel chair, pushed the chair down the hall, dragging my food bag on a rolling pole, skinny bum flashing out the back of the hospital nightshirt. It was fine for a couple of days, but the battery pack would die and I would have to go back to the room and plug-in. The nurses got fed-up bringing me freshly charged batteries, so I was stuck in bed. Ah but addicts are crafty, never trust us when we need a fix. I measured the walk around the bed and back, divided into 1,760 yd, and that told me how many 'laps' to walk for a mile...Lotus land!

Scuba: A year later, I'm back to being a full-blown junkie, I'm power-boating with a friend, he's the captain, when we hit a submerged log, throwing me against the side of an anchored down chair. Now, everyone knows when a moveable object meets an immovable object, something's got to give...five broken ribs, three of which are caved in, and a punctured lung. Heli-vac. to Charleston (back to the same hospital and the same thoracic surgeon who had treated me for my throat). Ten days in intensive care and three more weeks on the ward. I came to, a week after admission. The I.C. Unit's nurses were all laughing, it seems there was a new very young first tripper nurse in the unit, and....

I.C.U. NURSE:

Mr. Mills...I have to give you a suppository...would you prefer to do it or should I?

ME:

You...I couldn't find my a..hole with a flashlight and a map.

The surgeon, after saying, “What you again?” told me my addiction saved my life. If I had been a smoker, overweight, and sedentary I would have died. I don't know if you should believe him, he was thin and I'm certain a closet addict.

Thus ends scuba. One cannot dive following lung damage.

Walking: I did five miles a day from 1972-2000 and wore out my feet , a muscle attached to the ball of my feet gave out, injured through repetitive impact. I now wear orthotics in both shoes, knee braces and ride a bike, my wife walks alone.

We can still hike “in moderation,” yeah! We've hiked Utah's Canyon lands and Arizona's Canyons, the Grand Tetons in Wyoming, Michigan's Upper-Peninsular, and from Ben Nevis to the High Tatra mountains in Poland. We love it, we crave it.

Now, I still retain a hint of normalcy, I love red wine. Being retired, no longer is it business expense account Chateau-Mouton Rothschild, but Chateau-Cardboard, five liters with a handy carry handle.

I have an easy diet. If I'm up two or three lbs. in weight, I stop the wine ( unnecessary calories). Soon I'm back to my addictive weight.

Shipmates! I don't want you to think I'm some physical exercise junky. Though I only watch fifteen minutes of TV. news in the morning and thirty minutes of an evening, I do engage in passive interests, I paint, I study German grammar, I read at least two books a week...see what I mean about crafty junkies.... Wait a minute that's mental and intellectual EXERCISE, eliminating fat on the brain.

'Woe is me', don't abandon me shipmates or cast me adrift. Help me shake my habit. Help me to be a normal elderly member of society. Help me to be short of breath, help me to have a belly to rub and a fat bum to scratch. Teach me how to down pints of bitter, suck on jellied eels and then enjoy a good belch. Help me learn how to sprawl on a couch with a TV remote flicking from game show to reality TV (an oxymoron?), to stare vacuously at 'comedies' laughing along with canned laughter every eleven seconds, oh, and overflowing ash trays.... The things I've missed. Help me I beg, if not, I see a lifetime of bike riding , hikes, and never ending push-ups.
Oops! I've got to go, my wife's giving me a come hither sort of look, and she's a sweet young thing of sixty-four...Ho hum, duty calls.
Eagerly awaiting your solutions,
Rodney

[Captain Kong]

I HATE SUPER FIT HEROES !
.
I was 5 feet 11 inches , now I am only five feet nine and a half inches. I am shrinking.
Weight 231 pounds now 16 and a half stones, last April after coming home from a two month cruise in the South Pacific, I was 17 stones 5 pounds. been working hard to lose that weight. I hardlly drink at all now maybe one pint a week. two glasses of white wine at weekend. and maybe one large whisky a week.
BP 160 over 90.
76 and a half years.
BMI off the scale.
WAIST 42,
I used to cycle, swim and do weight training at the gym. Now cannot be ar5ed.
My fighting weight is 14 stone 7 pounds, so two stones overweight. Cannot remove it.
So I have just given up. Unless someone has a good way of doing it.
.
I still hate Super fit Heroes.
Cheers
Brian.

[robpage]

Turn the adjustment knob on the scales until you get a reading youlike

[Rodney Mills]

Rob.

Thanks, very helpful...but...the mirror? If I search on E-Bay for an old Carnival type mirror that distorts one's image...would that help me to appear in public normal?

Cheers Rodney

[Rodney Mills]

O Captain! My Captain! [Walt Whitman (1819-1892 Leaves of Grass. 1900.)]

Re. Your post of Nov. 19, 2011 #7 (he, he,) vs. your yesterdays comments on the Battle of the Bulge.

Love your posts, trust you enjoy mine and my sense of humor, after all my formative years were in 'Dear olde Jolly'....So blame the Brits. (at least for my humor) not the septic tanks.

Cheers, Rodney

[Rodney Mills]

Sorry my Captain,

Correction. See #7. your post of 21st Nov. 2011a.m..

Re. Cruise Liners per John Albert Evans (see Nov. 22,2011).

Sorry, Rodney

P.S.
My knickers in a twist. My last four posts only made it on the 'New Post' for a couple of hours. 'Confessions' for roughly three hours, sorry but not worth the energy, when " Hi, I sailed on the good ship Lollypop, does anyone out there remember me"? is on for days...So bye bye untill I get the iron out and MAYBE get rid of the twist.

[happy daze john in oz]

When my wife got married all those years ago I was 11.5 stone wringing wet. Now as a 16 year old with a large number of years experience I am now 14 stone, wet or dry and 188 cm tall. My BP is 120/78 which annoys the hell out of my GP as he cannot get anywhere near that. I too endulge in Chateau cardboard and Dr. Gordon's exlixier as well as regularly sampling white wine by the bottle. I now drink concentrated wine, that is I concentrate the drinking into the weekend. My GP tells me I am fitter than many half my age, my cholesterol is fine, my PSA excellent, then he told me to drop my dacks while he did the test. I made sure there was only one hand on my shoulder at the time.

[Neil Morton]

Hi John, you've seen the state I'm in. Had a glance at the discharge book,,10 stone 10 and 5ft 11ins talk about bean pole Now 14 stone 7 lbs. The wife , forever loyal says with my height I can carry it. That's on a good day, on an average I'm told to go for a long walk; on a bad day she means off a short pier.

[Captain Kong]

In 1952 when I went to the Vindicatrix Sea School I was Nine Stones soaking wet, Now I am nearly twice the man I used to be.
.
.My mirror here is excellent, I look great and 30 years younger, now when I go to my other house on the coast the mirror there makes me look older than I really am, I do not know which one to believe,
I know which one I want to believe in, Strange how mirrors are different.
Brian.

[Louis the Amigo]

Hi shipmates, {Health Addict}? Rodney and Mrs Mills you are keep fit junkies its a world wide movement also called the try to live forever people , Many famous people are in your group film stars, actors, and many more? But the human body is weak and not made to take hard exercise {mine is not} My idea of a workout now is a walk to the club to lift a few pints of beer, I was a member of your group for years , Daily swimming run a football side coaching 3 nights a week, and a school boy rugby side but age? and the heart took its toll so I am now clapped out wash up most of the time but still here not like many who have departed this life and gone to the new gym in the sky. My mentor Alfred Palfrey 87yrs ex S.A.S is still going strong he taught us all how to play sports and keep fit he in far better shape than most people half his age .