Two on a raft

[Gordon Turnbull]

OK, hard to beat some of these crackers but here is a more modern tale. I alluded to it last year some time but never went into details I don’t think. As mentioned before, I am now working in Nigeria and have been here for about 9 or ten years now. Managing Camps of up to 6,500 people. Big change from looking after 25 on a tanker  Anyway, last February, my assistant manager phoned me up from UK to tell me he had just been diagnosed with bowel cancer. Gutted for him. Could not ask for a nicer guy and a better assistant. Anyway, I get home, drive down to Yorkshire to see him and he is looking pretty grim, lost lots of weight etc etc, just waiting to go through chemo and stuff. I went home after the weekend, had an appointment with my GP as all my vaccinations were due. “Any other problems GT?” he asks. “My gout was playing up again” says I. “Never even knew you had gout” says he. “Well only second time I have had it and never bothered you after first time as the doc on site fixed it.” “OK anything else?” “Not peeing right” says me, “up two or three, sometimes more every night dependent upon Guinness intake.” “So, what makes you bring that up?” he asks. So I tell him about my mate and my QA/QC manager (an American diagnosed with prostate cancer) and how I had looked it up on t’internet and realised there was an outside chance it could be cancer as well. “OK” says he, “you do know what the test is don’t you?” “Unfortunately I do Kenny yes, however I had been hoping there was a new non-invasive method discovered in the last couple of weeks” was my hopeful reply. “Not a chance, up on couch, trousers down, knees to chest” After a good digital rectal probing he tells me I definitely have a problem. Lots of MRI scans, bone scans CT scans etc later it was obviously confirmed.
The Big C. only someone who has had the doctor tell them they have cancer will understand exactly what it feels like to be told. I thought I was gutted when my Mum died, even more gutted when my Dad followed less than a year later. I thought I could not feel worse than what I did when I was on Iolair attending the Piper Alpha disaster. We arrived there about 02.00, cannot remember what time the explosion was and not going to look it up. I was night chef and had pans of soup ready for all the survivors we were going to pull out the water. That never happened, did it? All of them pale into insignificance when told. Bear in mind, I had never had so much as a doctor’s line in my life of 54 years so to be told you are so seriously ill when you don’t feel ill is to put it bluntly, a kick in the baws. What they did not tell me until after I had done loads of different scans was that because my PSA level was so high (474 against a normal <5) they suspected it was all through my body, but could find no trace apart from a little on my groin bone. Anyway, things of note. I had to go for a biopsy obviously. Guy was a dickhead. Thick nasal Kelvinside accent (posh Glaswegian). So, there is me, up on the gurney yet again, ass hanging over the side, knees to my chest. Jeez, 28 years in catering in the MN and nobody had been up there. That month I reckon I had a dozen hands up my jaxi. I even went to the dentist and dropped my trousers before I realised what I was doing!!! Anyway, back to the biopsy. “The first thing you will feel will be finger entering your anus” he says in that despicable accent. “Aye, awright, carry on.” “ Next you will feel the probe. It is steel and a bit thicker so it might be cold”. Alright up to this stage. “Now, Mr Turnbull, you may feel a little prick”. “I better f’n not pal” says me. The nurse laughed, he didn’t. Anyway, he had told me he was going to do 13 biopsies but after 3 he said, and I quote “no point taking anymore, it is obvious you have cancer”. So, he shows me the prostate on the screen and points out the cancer to me. Me, still not thinking right asked him when I would be able to go back to work (conscientious me!!!). “Work” he said,”I think you should forget your quantity of life and concentrate on the quality now.” I quite honestly could have curled up and died there and then.
Next visit was to the prostate cancer specialist nurse who explained things to me. What a darling. What she did not know was that I already knew she had been through nursing college (many moons ago) with my elder sister. So, after all the crap from the prober, she tells me I am not going to die because of it. Now, OK that is a bit of a relief so a wee bit of happiness. “Starting you on hormone pills GT” she says “these will bring your PSA level down to a range where we can start using slow release implants.” OK< now we are getting somewhere thinks me. “Now there are side effects” she says. “Tell me”. “OK, you might grow breasts, your weight will drop to your waist (too late there darling, see Guinness intake earlier), you will have mood swings and be over emotional”. “Wait a minute hen, most men I know aspire to be like their fathers, you are telling me I am turning into my wife!!!” At least that solicited a laugh from her and the missus. “Anyway” I said, “what makes a lovely person like you go through college and then decide to dedicate their life to sticking their fingers up a man’s ass?” “I love it. Nothing better than coming in on a Monday morning, getting gloved and lubed up, getting the finger up there and thinking whoopee, we have a big one here!!” I told her she was sick and needed treatment. “Oh, another thing, your sex drive will drop dramatically, but don’t worry as you won’t be able to get an erection anyway!!” Bitch .
So, couple of weeks later, the pills have done their work so time to go over to the implants. Now I am not particularly fond of needles but this thing is huge! I go to see the nurse at my local GP. She tells me she hates giving this injection because it usually so sore! Tells me she has one old guy she literally has to scrape off the ceiling everytime he gets it. Not helping bitch!!!! Three months later, PSA fallen to around 1.9 I managed to get back to work in Naija land. December 2010 I had to get the fiduciary seeding done. Not pleasant, bloody sore and won’t go into details. Look it up if you want.
Home in February and started 8 weeks radiotherapy the day after I got home. This was my first mistake. Having done 56 x 12 hour shifts in a row, I should have had a break, but us Stirling men are hard. The Beatson West of Scotland Cancer Centre in Glasgow. What can I say except absolutely superb service. Eleven radiotherapy machines doing about 50-55 people a day. From the second day the receptionist called you by your first name and knew where you were going. Girls doing the radiotherapy? An absolute joy and must be toattly fed up looking at wrinkled old men’s parts. They tell you what the side effects are going to be. Sore butt. Possible double incontinence. Hair loss of the nether regions. Tiredness. Tiredness was easy, I just went to bed for a couple of hours in the afternoon. Hair loss of the nether regions I found amusing. Chest hair, under arm hair, gone. Pubic hair? Imagine Friar Tuck’s head and that was my goolies. Lovely. Incontinence, nothing worse than walking through the shopping centre or the supermarket telling the missus you better go to the loo then in the next breath telling her it was too late! Thankfully never too bad. What it did show though was exactly what old age is gonna be like! Don’t know if I want to go there. Sore ass? Damn that was bad. Radiation burns on the cheeks and an extremely sore butt hole. Such was the case that a child’s rubber swim ring was bought and went everywhere with me. Walking through shopping centres and supermarkets carrying a rubber ring having dribbled pee probably did not look pretty!!! Thankfully I don’t recall meeting anyone who knew me when I was in this stae although plenty when I had just the ring with me.
Bottom line is this. This was not written, obviously by the tone, to elicit sympathy. It is to reiterate that even in the direst of circumstances we can find humour and something to laugh about. Is that our merchant navy upbringing at work here? Who knows? Maybe it is a personal thing but when I read the above posts, maybe it isn’t. all is now well, I had my follow up and PSA level is at a good level. I am back at work in Nigeria and the Camp is bloody disaster area, but I am working through it gradually without stressing myself. The future is bright and further tests will I am sure reinforce that.

To conclude, 99% of people our age will have problems with peeing. A percentage of them obviously have cancer. It only takes a minute to get probed. Get checked guys. If one person is diagnosed with prostate cancer and caught before it becomes a huge issue, then everything has been worthwhile. We talk about luck in life. I have always considered myself a very lucky person whether in my private life or in work. Even in this cancer I consider myself lucky. My deputy manager is still not back at work and probably never will be. The sights you see in the Beatson on a daily basis shows how much worse it could have been. Thank God for what you have and stay lucky throughout life. Ain’t nothing gonna put you down if you are positive.

GT

[Gulliver]

Wow,Gordon.I was speechless after reading that. I was both crying with sadness,and laughing at your quips-the coping mechanism that most of us us ex MN and servicemen use during the rough times.
You deserve a special prize for telling that.
That should be published in all Medical sites literature and on prostate cancer websites to help all men suffering from prostate problems,to help them in going for the test,and if diagnosed to inspire them.

Well done,and All the Best for the Future.
Best Regards
Gulliver
　

[Captain Kong]

Thanks Gordon, for revealing the feelings both emotional and physical about your condition.
Facing it with humour is about the best thing you can do.
I would advise every man to have regular check ups, I have a big one every 12 months. also include the PSA Tests. tho` this year my Doc said I didnt need one. I thought about it and sure will have one next time.
Doctors dont like to do too many tests because it comes out of their budgets.
My son is an Oncologist, gastroenterologist and hepatologist. He has urged me to have a bowel cancer check up. Now the adverts say up to the age of 69 you will be contacted by the GP but over that age you have to make the effort to do it.
The big thing is to catch it in the early stages and it is easier to treat.
I wish you all the luck in fighting this awful disease and I am sure with your humour you will certainly beat it.
If more people donated to Cancer Research there would be better cures for everyone.
I have a monthly standing order from my bank account to them. My son once worked for them finding cures in his research but they had to lose him as they were short of money. One of the "cures " he pioneered was to take the body`s immune system and genetically modify it and then reintroduce it back into the body. The immune system then attacks the tumours. Previously the immune system thought the cancer cells were a normal part of the body and so did not attack it. Hopefully this system will cure the cancer.

All the best,
Cheers
Brian.

[Roger Dyer]

Hello Gordon,

Congratulations on writing such a brilliant post on a subject that, unfortunately, affects the lives of so many of us. The manner in which you described your feelings, both mental and physical, was written in such a way that anyone having shared the experience could appreciate and, so readily, relate to. Your mention of the shock you felt when first learning of your condition could not have been better described.

In my own case, apart from the initial shock and fear, I also recall an overwhelming sense of loneliness. Fortunately, after two or three weeks, I was able to suppress negative thoughts and my sense of fear diminished enabling me to get on with my life. I like to think this was due to that sense of humour that most of us seamen seem to possess. That you were able to retain your own good humour through such a harrowing time in your life says much about you as a person. Perhaps it also reinforces the truth in the old adage that laughter is indeed the best medicine. Of course, we all know that humour alone will not cure cancer, but it is surely better to confront the horror of that disease with a positive attitude rather than surrender to feelings of negativity. Easy to say, much harder to apply, I know, but I've always believed that a sense of humour can be a great mental companion in times of stress.

The subject of prostate cancer was raised in another thread a few months ago and whilst not wishing to repeat what has gone before, I would join with Brian (Kong) and several others by stressing the need for all male members over the age of 40 to go and get yourself a check-up - it might just save your life!

Gulliver has suggested that the contents of your post would be worthy of inclusion in any prospective journal or site seeking the experiences of prostate cancer patients - how very true! Gordon, well done and thank you. May you continue to enjoy improved health.

.................................................. .......regards, Roger.

[happy daze john in oz]

Gordon your story was uplifting and positive, as well as a good laugh in parts. I wish you all the very best.
I went to my GP some years ago and asked for a PSA test and a homasystine test {checks for antigen that can cause heart attacks} and he said,' what do you want those for" I changed doctors. Have a regular full blood screen every year and a PSA blood test twice a year, so far so good. Bowel cancer tests are available to all over 65 here, just ask your GP. I actually received on my 65 birthday one in the post from the department of health. It is recommened you have them every two years. There is a push here now to make PSA tests available in the same manner as mamograms, the ladies get a reminder evey two years. You only have one health so please look after it. I went almost 30 years without seeing a GP but an incident back in 1999 changed my way of thinking.
One other point that many of you will not be aware of. Drinking alcohol strips the body of Vitamim B12, as we mature we require all of the B12 we can hang onto. I have an injection of the stuff every two months and feel a lot better for it.

[Michael Lawrence]

Hey Lads a new examination for free now if your over 65. They do a screening of the pelvic area to check the aorta artery which in some cases breaks down when your older.
Back 6 years ago my brother was diagnosed and they reccomended he inform any brothers he might have to have theirs checked. His surgeons pulled what they called 'old man's trousers' over his to stop it bursting and causing possible death. Then they charged me for the exam., £93-00 as it wasn't a check performed by the NHS. NOW it is, so if your over the age get it done, I'm going for my freebie on the 12.07/11.
Also few years ago they checked my prostate and found it enlarged put me on finesteride tablets and have a PSA test once a year. BUT if your on finesteride inform the G.P. as the tablets work strangely on the old P.

P.P.S. And the tabs take away your erection too LOL