Two on a raft

[happy daze john in oz]

It was about September 1964 when the Pool sent me to Sunderland to join the 'British Hawthorn' preparing for her maiden voyage. Catering crew were informed that the process would take three weeks and for the first two we had to find accommodation ashore, for me not a problem as I had an aunt living in East Bolden just down the line. We worked hard getting stores and equipment aboard and stowed. Finally on Wednesday at about 1500 hours we sailed.We had been at sea for about two days when I found a large swelling in my groin!
Not having a doctor on board I reported to the chief steward, who after a brief examination informed me I had a Hernia. No doubt from loading ships stores I assumed, my story and I am sticking to it. He then informed me that as we were on local trade, Germany, Holland, Sweden I could remain aboard, but if we got orders for deep sea I would not be allowed to go as he feared should the Hernia strangulate at sea it would pose a serious problem for him.
We returned to The Isle of Grain to be informed the ship had orders to sail to New Zealand with a cargo of lube oil, I would have to pay off and this three days before Christmas. The chief gave me a letter to take to the dreadnought Seaman's Hospital in Greenwich so that provision could be made for an operation to repair the Hernia.
I had heard all about that hospital, the picture gallery and tales of some awful operations that went sadly wrong. Not for me, I would take my chances with our local doctor. Having seen him Christmas eve I was delighted when in early January I received a letter telling me to report to the Lewisham General Hospital the following Monday.
On arrival I was ushered to the general surgery ward only to discover it was the same one where I had my appendix removed a few years earlier, almost like home! After the usual preliminaries I was examined by a doctor who told me I should not smoke as it was bad for my health, and he with fingers almost black from nicotine!
It was about 1700 hours and the evening meal was just about to be served when two young nurses arrived at my bed informing me that I was to have an enema! The curtains were drawn around the bed, about half a yard of rubber hose shoved up my rear end followed by a gallon of soapy water. A bed pan was rather hurriedly pushed under me and I was told to hold it as long as I could. Hold it, you have to be joking, this was like a flood from the Aswan dam flowing from me. Nowadays it is considered fashionable to have what is now known as 'Colonic Irrigation' a very fancy name for just about the same thing. The fact remains no matter how you look at it, it is still a heap of 'crap'.
Timing they say is every thing in comedy, but for the guys in the bed either side of me this was no laughing matter, as one said, 'Bloody tea time and it smells as if I am having mine in the local sewage farm'. The guy on the other side thought the smell would outlive religion.
The operation went well I was informed next morning. Went well, you must be mad my crotch has been sown to my chin and if I try to stand upright the pain just lays me out. For the next seven days I moved around like some demented dwarf holding on to my crotch.
At last after two weeks of very' sick leave' I was informed I would be going home after doctors inspection the next day. The hospital had not long earlier introduced a new menu system whereby patients could choose what they wanted to eat from a limited menu rather than just taking what the hospital called food. I had only been having toast and coffee for breakfast till then, but as it was to be my last meal I decided on something different. Poached egg looked very inviting, so why not for my last meal. Two on a raft, two soft gently poached eggs on a slice of golden brown buttered toast. I was almost salivating at the thought of this for my last feed there.
It was much later that evening when a trolley arrived in the ward, on it a young man who earlier in the day had fallen about 25 feet from the scaffolding he was working on, landing on a pile of sand.Tubes and drips all over him he presented a very sad sight. The nurse told us he had been in emergency most of th the day and had been brought up to the ward as he was not expected to live and the family had been called in.
I slept well that night waking refreshed and ready to go home, but first my breakfast. The orderly brought my toast and coffee as usual commenting that today I had ordered a cooked breakfast! Yes I certainly had and could not wait for it, I sat there imagining the two succulent eggs on the golden brown toast, what a delight awaited me!
I saw the orderly walking toward me carrying a very large plate with a cover on it, at last my breakfast. I took it from him, savoring the moment. I held it for some time salivating at the prospect of what was under the cover. Slowly I lifted it with my eyes closed, only opening them when the cover was off. I sat there like a stunned Mullet and could not believe what I saw. There on the plate before me, staring up at me like some giant eye was one very lonely poached egg, no toast, just the egg. For a second I could not believe what I was looking at, one egg like an eye from Cyclops, and I am sure it even winked at me. I could not decide what to do, eat it or play with it. Then I took the knife to it, play with it was surely the answer, this egg was as hard as a golf ball, you could get a hole in one with this I declared.
Time to go and as I walked from the ward I looked across at the still curtained off bed where the young man lay, would he live I wondered or was the steady stream of family members a sign of the end?
Well there was a happy ending to it after all, he survived despite several broken bones and internal injuries. He went on to raise a family and live a productive life, despite all the metal plates and screws that now held him together. I am proud to say that the man, some two and a half years later, became my brother in law when I married his younger sister, and she will be celebrating her43rd wedding anniversary in a few Weeks time.
Funny how life works out at times, and all of this because the pool sent me to Sunderland, my mothers birth city.

[Captain Kong]

Excellent story John.
I was with you all the way.
Cheers
Brian.

[Roger Dyer]

Hi John,

Bl--dy h-ll, mate, I hope you didn't have to ship out with Lewisham Hospital ever again. Strewth! even on 'ungry Harrison's you would have got a slice of toast with your golf-ball. Nice story, good ending.

.................regards, Roger

[Captain Kong]

Hi John
I had two operations at the Dreadnought Seamens Hospital, I have never laughed so much or had such a good time in all my life.
The whole ward was full of commedians, some I knew as I had sailed with. Most of them had Hernias and we used to laugh so much that they busted their stitches and had to be taken away and stitched up again.
It was so good that I asked for extra time and was given another week as long as the bed was not required.
So Stayed for three weeks.
Second time I went in was only a minor operation, removing a lump off my back, I would get a Tarporlin Muster and take my dungarees and jersey to the bathroom in a bag, change and then climb down the fire escape and go across the road to the pub Have a couple of pints and then buy the carry outs , cans of ale and a bottle or two of Rum, put them in the bag and climb up the fire escape again , get changed back into pyjamas again and in the evenings we would all have a good session.
It was coming up to Christmas Eve in 1978, all the Nurses on the ward were from Barbados and we had a good party with all the ale and rum, One Nurse known as Miss Piggy was flaked out on my bunk which was the nearest to the door, smoking a ciggy, I and a few other lads were dancing with the other Nurses, The door bounced open and in stormed the Matron, who looked like an egg on legs, a massive woman, everyone was scared of her. I dived into my bunk, hit Miss Piggy, she fell out of bed and rolled underneath the next bed. The Matron was screaming abuse at everyone then saw Miss piggy under the other bed. She went berserk and sacked Miss Piggy on the spot `and go home now you are finished.`
Next day we had a petition and all hands complained to the management about it and so Miss Piggy was reinstated.
The old Dreadnought closed down not too long after and they gave us two wards in St Thomas`s Hospital. not as good as the old one, all the spare beds were given to National Health patients, shore people, all the humour went out then, Shore people didnt know how to laugh and it became miserable.
I went there another time after a Company medical examination with a large freckle on my face.
The Nurse said take your clothes off, so I took off my coat, she said `I said take off your clothes, everything ` so I stripped down to my boxers and socks, [reminded me of being with Cleopatra in B.A.]
She shouted `I said ALL YOUR CLOTHES `. and lie on that trolly. I was naked in all my glory, and suddenly surrounded by six young Nurses all looking at me, [ I guess they were realising what they had been missing].
I lay there for around ten minutes chatting to them, waiting for the dermatologist to arrive. A women came in wearing a white coat, she looked at my naked body and then said , "What a disgusting horrible unhealthy skin you have".
I said "It looks good , all bronzy" , I had just come back from five months in the Gulf.
She said "All you Seamen are stupid, you get in the tropics and strip off and get this horrible tan, you are cultivating skin cancers. wear long sleeves and keep covered up in future and dont be so stupid."
She looked at my face and said` You have one there` and then inspected my naked body, "Now turn over"
She looked at my back and said there is another one there" She then discussed the case with all the young Nurses for several minutes. I think they really enjoyed gazing at my body beautiful.
Then she told me to put the dressing gown on. It was one of those that went on with the back open. It was a little small and then I had to walk down the corrider full of shore people sat on benches all staring and laughing at my bare ar se as I walked past them.
Into the operation theatre and then they cut out the offending skin cancers from my face and back. sewed them up, and then I could get dressed and go home.
Not keen on the St Thomas`s the old Dreadnought was best.

[Doc Vernon]

Well after reading these stories,i am afraid i am not so adept at doing the same,but here is a little one of mine too! And funnily enough true as well!

The date i cannot recall now,but it was in early in 59' when i was on the Winchester Castle,we were luckily for me only hours out of Southampton and yes i too got a terrible side pain that doubled me over!
To say the least i was taken to the Ships Hospital Section,and immediately diognosed with quite severe appendicitis!
I was watched very closely and given some awfull stuff to drink.
When the Ship docked there was an Ambo waiting at the Pier,and i was taken to the old Military Hospital in Southampton!
The Beds were in small seperate Cubicles,and it was very private !
Each Cubicle had a seperate Window!
(Wonder if its still around,i know it wasnt too far from the Town Centre)

Anyway i was rushed into Surgery and i remember this quite cleary,as the Doc that was to do the Op was at that time an African Gentleman!

The Op went without a hitch,and i had 4 steel pins (no stiches) put in the cut!
Anyway there i was to stay for 5 days according to the Doc!

Mmm!! on the very next day my late Brother Greg came to visit me on an Evening Visit,i recall he brought me a Puzzle of a Ship,and also a Model of a Plane,(funny how we remember small things)

Well after about an Hours talking,i was determined not to just lie there!
I got some clothes on (we were allowed to keep our stuff in a locker) and although in some pain,we snuck out the Hospital and caught a Bus to the Town(Southampton)
Boy what a bumby ride (well it felt like that haha) and Greg of course never let up with getting me to laugh! Bad thing!! Ouch! Each time i did!

To cut it short,we landed up in one of the Pubs there and i had quite a few!
After some time is was back to the Hospital!

No one knew different ,but me of course the next Morning!
Oh wow! was me! Sore all over Head and Side haha!
The silly things we did!
But Young and reckless didnt really know the diffs! haha!
On the Fourth Day i was Sent to the Jellicoe Seamans Hostel,and had another 6 days leave !
Rejoined the Sterling Castle on her next Trip!
Cheers

[Des Taff Jenkins]

Hi John.
Your tale of the egg reminded me of the time I had to pay off the waitamata in Wellington NZ and go into Wellington hospital with Quinzy, Yes I had never heard of it thought I'd caught it from some circus animal we carried into Wellington.
The egg. The day I was due to leave the nurse asked me if I would like a couple of eggs for breakfast, not haveing eaten much with a sore throat I jumped at the chance and said yes please, she then asked where are they? I said I suppose in the kitchen, no she said you have to have your own we don't supply them. Thinking quickly I said have a look in that guys cuboard in the next bed,[ he had gone in for his op.] He said I could have his as I had given him my ciggaretts. Had a lovely breakfast and left before he came back.
Cheers Des

[Graham Payne]

Hi John
I worked at Lewisham Hospital for 26 years until I retired a couple of years ago ( in the Telecoms Dept ), the food is a lot better now, plenty of choice plus its hot.

[Pete Leonard (Bruno)]

I have had four hernia repairs in my life and I am amazed at the waythe operating techniques and recovery times have changed over the years. My first one was about 30 years ago and it was repaired under general anaesthetic and I was kept in hospital for about 10 days. I was forbidden to drive for six weeks and as my job as a rep. required me to drive I was off work for 6 weeks. About 10 years after that the other side went. This time I was in hospital for three days but still forbidden to drive for 6 weeks. Two years ago both sides gave in. I was well into retirement then so it didn't matter how long they kept me in or barred me from driving. Anyway, when they got me into the Norfolk and Norwich University hospital they had decided to do both at the same time. I was given an epidural, so I was wide awake the whole time with the anaesthetist standing behind me chatting away plus two surgeons doing their stuff and also chatting away as if they were at a cocktail party. The senior surgeon asked me once if I was ok and he called me Sir. I came out with the old response to that which is "don't call me sir I was on the lower deck myself once" He said "that sounds like an old seaman talking" When I confirmed it he said "snap, I was ships surgeon on the Canberra for a while", talk about a small world. Anyway they kicked me out the next day and when I asked the surgeon about driving he said "give it a few days" That's progress for you
Cheers
Pete

[happy daze john in oz]

Hi John
I worked at Lewisham Hospital for 26 years until I retired a couple of years ago ( in the Telecoms Dept ), the food is a lot better now, plenty of choice plus its hot.

I just hope now that they at least give a slice of toast with the egg, and maybe two even.

[alf corbyn]

i was on a UCL ship as assistant steward, and i had a top bunk.this meant grabbing one of the overhead pipes and swing out of bed. the morning before we docked in las palmas, i swung out of bed and got a terrific pain in my chest. sometime later whilst cleaning a bath i got a very funny sensation in my chest as i leant over the bath and my breathing became very rapid. i went to the doctor and he said take the rest of the day off, i think you have a collapsed lung. i'll send you to a doctor in las palmas. next day it was confirmed and i was left at the english seamans hospital. i hadn't been there a couple of hours when a third officer off a yankee ship came over to me and said, as you are the only english seaman and this is an english hospital its up to you to complain. i laughed and said give me a chance to settlle in. he said he had come off a motorbike up on a mountain road about three weeks before and he crtainly looked it. he was a mass of bandages from his head to his waist with only one arm and his legs free. since i came here he said we have had cornflakes every morning, eggs swimming in oil and everything cooked in oil. the food is terrible.
there was a jamaican, a chinaman and a swede besides me and the yank, one nurse and a matron plus a spanish cook. the matron asked me if ieverything was alright when she came round and i explained about the food from complaints by the others. i'm very sorry she said but we only get a limited supply of money and everything is expensive in the market. we can only afford to buy cornflakes for a cereal.
matron i said can i leave the hospital if i take it easy and i will see what i can do. with that the yank and i jumped in a taxi and went to the dockside. we went aboard acouple of english boats and saw the chief stewards. who didn't even know about the hospital. we then had to make two trips with just the boxes of cereals, with the promise of the chief stewards that other foods would shortly follow. the matron was overjoyed, but was a bit worried when i asked if i could work with the cook and make the meals a bit more palatable. i promised i would not upset the cook in any way and next morning we had rice crispies poached eggs bacon and fried potatoes for breakfast. the yank and i spent the days on the beach and evenings in a club called the red rooster. the yank had plenty of money and got me to change a 100 dollar bill for him and he ended up with a stack oof notes about a foot thick.
i lwft the hospital and came home DBS on i think the apapa to liverpool, then home where after an enforced rest my lung reinflated. about five years later it went again and i had an operation, which cured it alf