Todays Smile

[Des Jenkins]

Hi John
When I started school I remember that we never wore underpants, but the short trousers had a srot of silk lining them, sort of red knees and blue undies.
Des

[j.sabourn]

I wear silk or imitation silk ones today Des , to hell with the expense. But have to make sure they have an escape port in the forward end or will finish up like the old man and would end up receiving his malign scoldings over the ether from a better place. Would probably black ball me at the entrance gates as well . Have just got the vacuum cleaner out and emptied it from its last use , plugged in and all ready for the cleaning lady , how’s that for brown nosing , she’ll be here in 20 minutes. JS

[Johnny Kieran]

Brilliant posts,

[James Curry]

#9 J , not to take anything away from your funny post.

Just adding to it. Murphy's bricks.

https://youtu.be/np8iLIt7G0A

[James Curry]

A car full of Irish nuns is waiting at a traffic light in Donegal when a car full of drunk fellas pulls up next to them.

One of the lads leans out the window and shouts, ‘Alright, sisters, do ye fancy coming back to ours for a bit of fun?!’

The head nun gasps, then turns to Sister Assumpta. ‘I don’t think they realise who we are. Show them your cross.’

Without hesitation, Sister Assumpta rolls down the window and shouts, ‘DRIVE ON, YOU SHOWER OF B*****S, BEFORE I COME OVER THERE AND KNOCK THE SH*TE OUTTA YE!’

She rolls the window back up and turns to the head nun. ‘Was that cross enough?’

[James Curry]

it's all in how you pronounce words

An Irishman was in New York, patiently waiting to cross a busy street. There was a traffic cop manning the crossing.

The cop stopped after a few minutes and told those waiting to cross the road, ‘Okay, pedestrians,’ he said, ‘let’s go.’

The Irishman stood waiting, growing more and more frustrated. After five minutes, he shouts to the cop, ‘Here! The pedestrians crossed ages ago—when’s it time for the Catholics?!’

[happy daze john in oz]

A group of nuns were at a function and their photo had to be taken.
The photographer was taking his time.

It was so long one nun said to the sister in charge.
'Why is he taking so long'

Well you see he has to focus first.


Oh my goodness came the reply, all of us???

[j.sabourn]

The head nun of the nunnery got all the nuns together to impart some bad news to them , Sisters she said I must tell you that we have a case of gonorrhea in the nunnery. “ Oh goodee shouts sister Theresa a newly appointed novice , I was getting fed up with that Chardonnay “. JS

[Mike Hewitt]

An old man in his mid-eighties struggles to get up from the couch then starts putting on his coat.
His wife, seeing the unexpected behaviour, asks, 'Where are you going?'
He replies, 'I'm going to the doctor.'
She says, 'Why, are you sick?'
He says, 'Nope, I'm going to get me some of that Viagra stuff.'
Immediately the wife starts working and positioning herself to get out of her rocker and begins to put
on her coat. He says, 'Where the heck are you going'?
She answers, 'I'm going to the doctor, too.'
He says, 'Why, what do you need?'
She says, 'If you're going to start using that rusty old thing, I'm getting a Tetanus shot.'