Pun ot the day

[Marian Gray]

A few oldies doing the rounds again.

Man who wants a pretty nurse must be patient

A passionate kiss, like a spider web, leads to the undoing of the fly.

Lady who goes camping with man must beware of evil intent.

Squirrel who runs up a woman's leg will not find nuts.

Man who leaps off a cliff jumps to a conclusion.

A man who runs in front of a car gets tired, but the man who runs
behind the car gets exhausted ...

A man who eats many prunes gets a good run for the money.

War does not determine who is right. It determines who is left.

A man who fights with his wife all day gets no piece at night.

A man who drives like hell is bound to get there.

The man who stands on toilet seat is high on pot.

A wise man does not keep a sledgehammer and slow computer in the same
room.

Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement.


And finally, Confucius did not say. ..

"A lion will not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood."

[Tony Taylor]

In democracy your vote counts; In feudalism your count votes.

[Marian Gray]

I bought some 'Jamie Oliver Sausages' yesterday. On the packet it said “Prick with a fork”. I thought, can't argue with that!
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When cooking Alphabet Soup, don't leave it unattended, it could spell disaster.
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I had a row with my wife last night, she threw a bottle of fabric conditioner at me and it only just missed my head. It must have been Lenor because it was a bit too close for Comfort.
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I love that new Korean vegetarian snack pot. Not Poodle.
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My mate makes crockery disappear. I said are you a wizard? He said no I'm a saucerer.
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I have a message for whoever stole my trainers whilst I was on the bouncy castle.
Just grow up!
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Just bought an ABBA toilet....what a loo!
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I've swapped our bed for a trampoline. My wife hit the roof!

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[Tony Taylor]

A mans home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

[Tony Taylor]

Reading while sunbathing - makes you well red.

[j.sabourn]

This bloke goes into a restaurant sits down and the young waitress comes with the menu, he looks at and says bring me two poached eggs in p*ss. Holes , she runs out and gets the manager and says there’s a man put , there being obscene , and I”m not serving him. Just a moment says the manager I’ll go and sort him out. So out he goes and says to the man , now Sir what do you want , the man repeats the order , saying I just asked for what was on the menu, let me see that says the manager, ah says the manager that’s not a p that’s an r , ok says the customer make that 2 A*s holes JS

[Norm Anderson]

I never argue … I just explain why I ask right. 😊

[Norm Anderson]

I never argue … I just explain why I am right. ��

[Des Taff Jenkins]

A group of senior citizens where sitting around talking about their ailments.
My arms have got so weak said one i can hardly pick my coffee cup up,
I can't even write my shopping list my arms are so weak said another
I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my kneck said an elderly Gent
I forget where I am and where I'm going said another
I guess that's the price we get for growing old, winced an old bloke as he got up from his chair.
"Well count your blessings." said one bloke cheerfully, "Thank God we can all still drive.


Des

[cappy]

A group of senior citizens where sitting around talking about their ailments.
My arms have got so weak said one i can hardly pick my coffee cup up,
I can't even write my shopping list my arms are so weak said another
I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my kneck said an elderly Gent
I forget where I am and where I'm going said another
I guess that's the price we get for growing old, winced an old bloke as he got up from his chair.
"Well count your blessings." said one bloke cheerfully, "Thank God we can all still drive.


Des

love that one des but SHUSH. ......FFS THE BLOODY GOVERNMENT IS DYING TO CHANGE THAT IN THE UK.... LOL CAPPY R683532