Don't you wish you had thought before opening your mouth

[John Arton]

I guess that many of us had wished we had thought twice before opening our mouths and then found we were digging a big hole that we were falling into.
I can recall three instances when I wish I had never opened my mouth.
The first on was on my first trip to sea and resulted in been given a nickname that followed me through my cadetship.
I was doing engine room time on the tanker Lord Mount Stephen, Japanese built and less than a year old. Air conditioned control room, bridge control, data logger etc.
On the control panel with switch's, indicators etc controlling various functions there was an indicator lamp in red that was like this.
LO
10K
Now I had figured out that LO was lube oil but the 10K flummoxed me, why would a red indicator tell you it was I O.K. ? (Eye o.k). Course when I asked the engineer I was on watch with he fell about laughing and immediately named me a bonehead for asking such a daft question which he took great delight in repeating in the bar that night .
The second one was when I was mate sailing with a very quiet and timid captain who was definitely under his wife's thumb. We were having after inspection drinks in his cabin and in trying to make conversation I pointed to a photo on his desk saying "is that your son, fine looking fellow", "no", he replied, "it's my wife".
Red faces all round.
The third time was when I was mate on a bulk carrier trying to get it ready to load grain in the Mississippi and had to employ a shore gang to get the holds clean and amongst them were a number of muscled women. Being a gentleman I approached them and the conversation went like this.
Me....ladies would you like a cabin to change, clean up in and sleep?
Them... Why? Do you think we are dirty?
Me...no, I just thought you would like somewhere to wash and sleep after your shift as it's going to take a few days to finish.
Them....why would we need a cabin?
Me...well for a bit of privacy when your off work.
Them....why do we need privacy? Do you fancy us, do you want to fu*k us.
Me.... No no no certainly not.
Them... Why are you queer?
Me.... No, I've got my wife on board with me.
Them....goddam limey!!!!!
A hasty retreat by yours truly.
So after 44 years of marriage I now know to think twice before opening my mouth for fear of putting my foot in it.
Rgds
J.A.

[Keith Tindell]

Anyone who has been to Indonesia, will know the Indonesian men are very proud of their birds for fighting, and large amounts of money spent on cock fighting. They actually dote on these birds and show them off to anyone interested. Some years ago, having been on holiday there, we were entertaining a mate and his wife at home, and the conversation turned to how hard the women worked there, my wife then made the statement, and i knew what she was going to say in all innocence, She said * the men are lazy out there, the women do all the work, the men just sit on the verandah stroking their cocks*, if you could have heard the laughter, and seen my wifes very very red face. She is still embarrassed about that to this day.

[cappy]

i keep my freezer at minus 18 and the fridge part at 3 degrees ....we had a warm day a couple of weeks ago and beloved stated .....i think the fridge is needing cooling a bit ...so i have turned it up to 4......i just smiled and put it back to 3 later.......ps frightened to be so bold as to tell her she had made a mistake.....ooh idid feel a smug SOB.......cappy

[Des Taff Jenkins]

Hi Keith.
Best laugh I have had for a while, my wife just looked in to see why.
Des

[happy daze john in oz]

He who opens his mouth in haste must ensure he has small feet.

[j.sabourn]

Or act in haste , relent at leisure. JS

[Des Taff Jenkins]

Hi John
She thought I was crying over something on the site,
Des