Humerous ships pilots

[Frank Ferri]

Any of you folks experienced a bit of humour from these guys?
1954 we picked up a Pilot on the river Potomac on way up to Alexandria, Virginia USA, Nice big handsome guy, always gave me a tip of a quarter when I took a coffee to him on the bridge.

On the bridge, his first time on board he turned to the Skipper and said "How fast does she go"?.. the Old Man replied (with a degree of pride in his voice) .. "14 knots" ... The Pilot turned around, faced forad, held the hand rail and taking up a crouched position and said to the Old Man.. "OK.. Let'r GO MAN".. the Skip was not amused.. I thought it was a hoot.
Ships picture Below.. she was only 2896 grt
Frank ...

[Michael Lawrence]

Can't vouch for this, but was on one of Esso's on the Yankee coast and docking at Bayonne New Jersey. Pilot came aboard and said 'Good morning Captain Smith'. 'Old Man replied' Its Smyth actually'. Reported pilot replied. 'Smith Or Smyth **** or shy it's all the same to me captain'.
As I say can't vouch for it but what a rejoiner. Mike

[happy daze john in oz]

Frank mate, looking at the picture I reckon the skipper was right, 14knots but only downhill.

[Gulliver]

The following report, from a ship's master, was printed in the August 1987 edition of The Log journal - its exact history is unclear.
(Reproduced with permission.)


'It is with regret and haste that I write this letter to you, regret that such a small misunderstanding could lead to the following circumstances, and haste in order that you will get this report before you form your own pre-conceived opinions from reports in the world press, for I am sure that they will tend to overdramatise the affair.
We had just picked up the pilot, and the apprentice had returned from changing the 'G' flag for the 'H' and, it being his first trip, was having difficulty rolling the 'G' flag up, I therefore proceeded to show him how. Coming to the last part, I told him to "let go," the lad although willing is not too bright, necessitating my having to repeat the order in a sharper tone.
At this moment the chief officer appeared from the chart room, having been plotting the vessel's progress and, thinking that it was the anchors that were being referred to, repeated the "let go" to the third officer on the fo'cstle. The port anchor having been cleared away but not walked out, was promptly let go. The effect of letting the anchor drop from the "pipe" while the vessel was proceeding at full harbour speed proved too much for the windlass brake, and the entire length of the port cable was pulled out "by the roots." I fear that the damage to the chain locker may be extensive. The braking effect of the port anchor naturally caused the vessel to sheer in that direction, right towards the swing bridge that spans the tributary to the river up which we were proceeding.
The swing bridge operator showed great presence of mind by opening the bridge for my vessel. Unfortunately, he did not think to stop vehicular traffic, the result being that the bridge partly opened and deposited a Volkswagen, two cyclists, and a cattle truck on the foredeck. My ship's company are at present rounding up the contents of the latter, which from the noise I would say were pigs. In his efforts to stop the progress of the vessel, the third officer dropped the starboard anchor, too late to be of practical use, for it fell on the swing bridge operator's control cabin.
After the port anchor was let go and the vessel started to sheer, I gave a double ring full astern on the engine room telegraph and personally rang the engine room to order maximum astern revolutions. I was informed that the sea temperature was 53 degrees and asked if there was a film tonight. My reply would not add constructively to this report.
Up to now I have confined my report to the activities at the forward end of the vessel. Down aft they were having their own problems.
At the moment the port anchor was let go, the second officer was supervising the making fast of the after tug and was lowering the ship's towing spring down onto the tug.
The sudden braking effect on the port anchor caused the tug to run in under the stern of my vessel just at the moment when the propellers was answering my double ring full astern. The prompt action of the second officer in securing the inboard end of the towing spring delayed the sinking of the tug by some minutes, and thereby the safe abandoning of that vessel.
It is strange but at the very same moment of letting go the port anchor there was a power cut ashore. The fact that we were passing over a cable area at that time might suggest we may have touched something on the river bed. It is perhaps lucky that the high tension cables brought down by the foremast were not live, possibly being replaced by the underwater cable, but owing to the shore blackout, it is impossible to say where the pylon fell.
It never fails to amaze me the actions and behaviour of foreigners during moments of minor crisis. The pilot for instance is at this moment huddled in the corner of my day cabin alternately crooning to himself and crying after having consumed a bottle of gin in a time that is worthy of inclusion in the Guinness Book of Records.
The tug captain on the other hand reacted violently and had to be forcibly restrained by the steward, who has him handcuffed in the ship's hospital, where he is telling me to do impossible things with my ship and my crew.
I enclose the names and addresses of the drivers and insurance companies of the vehicles on my foredeck, which the third officer collected after his somewhat hurried evacuation of the fo'cstle. These particulars will enable us to claim for the damage that they did to the railing of the #1 hold.
I am enclosing this preliminary report for I am finding it difficult to concentrate with the sound of police sirens and their flashing lights.
It is sad to think that had the apprentice realised that there is no need to fly pilot flags after dark, none of this would have happened.
For my weekly accountability report I will assign the following casualty numbers T/750101 to T750119 inclusive.

Yours truly
Master '

[Frank Ferri]

I suppose you could say this was Murphys Law in operation, Absolutely brilliant Gulley, had me in stitches
thanks
Frank .. still smiling..

[happy daze john in oz]

Gulliver, are you sure that was not the script from a 'Carry on' movie? If not it should have been, that is the best laugh since 'The Plank".

[Albert Bishop]

Agree. Best laugh Ive had in ages. Albi.

[Trampshipman]

The word `brilliant` falls a long way short of doing this one justice. Absolutely hilarious !!!

Ken.

[Trampshipman]

Any of you folks experienced a bit of humour from these guys?
1954 we picked up a Pilot on the river Potomac on way up to Alexandria, Virginia USA, Nice big handsome guy, always gave me a tip of a quarter when I took a coffee to him on the bridge.

On the bridge, his first time on board he turned to the Skipper and said "How fast does she go"?.. the Old Man replied (with a degree of pride in his voice) .. "14 knots" ... The Pilot turned around, faced forad, held the hand rail and taking up a crouched position and said to the Old Man.. "OK.. Let'r GO MAN".. the Skip was not amused.. I thought it was a hoot.
Ships picture Below.. she was only 2896 grt
Frank ...

In Liverpool Bay approaching Mersey having just picked up pilot. I`m feeling a little bit nervous never having been on the wheel before when coming in to port. Pilot pokes his head into wheelhouse gives me a nod and a grin and says " Just follow that lot in front son, if you`ve got any doubts just give us a shout, I`ll
be just out here". Yeah...that really got my butterflys going ! Needless to say he did come in and take charge when it really became necessary.

Ken.

[Captain Kong]

When I was on the Esso Yorkshire in 1975, we left the anchorage, at 1 am, under the Bay Bridge in San Francisco for Benicia 30 miles up the Bay. The Pilot put his cap on back to wind and said "Lets see how fast this ocean greyhound can go, full ahead." I was on the wheel as we were coming alonside the berth, there was no one on deck, the bow was on the jetty, the Pilot said, "Where are your men, Cap`n, they are like a bunch of goddamn Greeks, tell `em to turn to and they all turn in". no one had called the sailors.