Box beams, Bilges, Grain and Rats.

[Dennis McGuckin]

So here is a story close to the rat one.

Two nights ago I was sitting on my sun deck having a glass[no for once I was not reminiscing ]
I see the ass end of a raccoon sticking out from under the deck.[large rat although cute to look at]
This little mother has been killing my chickens and fish in my pond for years.
Beginning to feel like Elmer Fudd. Need to get this 'raskerly' coon[ rabbit.]
So as the wife took off inside[she has seen me shoot before] I got my trusty .22.
Snuck around a few trees doing an impersonation of Davey Crockett.
Had it all lined up but thought it was a bit close to my hose pipes[ the kind on the wheel] Anyway, as I pulled the trigger the coon moved [that's my story and I'm sticking to it.]
The bugger took off before I could put another round into the chamber.
Not the end of the story.
Next morning I am out watering the flowers[part of my contract which enables me to live in what passes for peace]
Looking at the working end of the hose, I say to myself.
Self, there is no pressure here.
Looking behind me I see a series of water spurts coming from the hose trailing behind me.
Shitsey, says I. I shot several holes in the hose and missed the Bl**ding coon.
Luckily it was garbage day, so chucked the hose in the bin before the wife saw it.
Cost $25 to replace the hose, and the varmint coon is still on the loose.
Haven't yet had the courage to move the hose wheel.
May also have done damage to the house.
Didn't used to be in favour of gun laws, but having a re-think about it now!
Stay tuned.
Den.
Does a Raccoon have more brain cells than the average human?

[happy daze john in oz]

There was a guy on the ski hill who had one as a pet.
Used to ski with it on his shoulder.
Once had the dubious pleasure of riding the chair lift with him and his pal.Had the urge to dump them both half way up the mountain.
They were finally banned from the resort.
Den.

No one ahould be allowed to talk about their mother in law in that manner.