Passenger ships, bridge tours and embarassing encounters with passengers

[John Arton]

This is a bit of a long story, so bear with me as her indoors does say I tend to ramble on a bit (must have listened to too much Led Zepplin in my youth).
In the early 70's I had just completed a lovely tramp voyage around the Caribbean on a Beaverboat, we returned to Liverpool where she was laid up and for some unknown reason personnel sent me to join the Empress of Canada as 5th Officer, they must have been desperate to sind an uncouth, long haired, part time hippy to their flag ship, but hey who was I to argue, the thought of all that female totty on board was enough to make any young males blood race.
To my dismay on joining I was told in no uncertain terms that as a very junior Officer I was to have no contact with the passengers except when going about my duties and if I was stopped by one of them I was to make polite conversation and move on as soon as was possible. We were strictly forbidden from entering the passenger accommodation and public spaces unless our duties took us there.
Amongst my duties was, greeting passengers as they embarked in Liverpool (we were on Atlantic crossings at the time),marking up the daily ships position in the main lobby and giving the milage steamed in the past 24hrs, conducting first cllass and tourist class bridge tours and also doing night rounds with the Master at arms at 0200 hrs every day. The only other time we came into contact with the passengers was when we dined, which was in a seperate area of the First Class dining saloon. So as a very junior officer my contact with the Passengers was limited, but I still managed to have some serious encounters with a number of them.
The bridge tours were a great opportunity to meet the ones you fancied, should they be on it. 1st class bridge tours usually consisted of just a few people as most of them were too snobby to bother, though there was one occasion when I went into the 1st Class lounge to announce the start of the bridge tour, to find it actually jumping (usually there were just a few there listening to the pianoist tinkle the ivories as they read or wrote up their diaries), but this time the poor barman was hard pressed to keep up with the crowd, who were being led by a very well dressed and spoken lady who was knocking back Martinis with her crowd like they were going out of fashion. She demanded that the barman make up a pitcher of martinis for her and her gang and they all trooped up onto the bridge with me, martinis in hand, to be given the tour of the bridge. To say it was mayhem would be an understatement, the poor 2nd Officer and bridge crowd had never seen anything like this before, or after. To cap it all the Captain came up in a rage to see what all the racket was about, but on seeing it was all 1st class passengers he just told me to make shure they got the best tour and left. The only downside was that the next day I got a bollocking as one passenger had had her picture taken steering the ship (nice little earner that for the photographer who used to sell them pictures of them steering the ship) had grabbed me round the neck, whipped my cap off and put it on her head whilst the photo was taken. I was bollocked for appearing in a photo improperly dressed!!
On another tourist class bridge tour I was asked by a gentleman of middle eastern origin ( who informed me he was off to study at a top university in canads) where the BIG lights were at night. I took him outside and pointed out the navigation lights to him but he kept asking where the BIG lights that shone forward were. I eventually twigged that he thought we had headlights like a car and I pointed out to him that we did not need them as we were not on a road, we had radar etc. etc. Thi terrified him and he spent the rest of the voyage sleeping at his lifeboat station with his lifejacket!!! despite having one of the better double tourist class cabins to himself.
Another embarassing encounter with a passenger when amongst one 1st class bridge tour I met the son and daughter of a very well known clergyman who was taking his family on a lecture tour/visit to Canada. The daughter was a stunning 17yr old and she and her brother came on every bridge tour of the crossing. I think they were probably very bored with the stuffy 1st class entertainment and the bridge tour was an escape for them.
A few crossings later and homeward bound I was making my way to our dining area in the first class saloon on sailing day, when suddenly this stunning looking girl stood up and started shouting my name and waving at me. Yes it was the clergymans daughter, they were on their return trip. The looks I got from all the senior officers and Captain and Staff Captain would have caused any vine to wither and die. Fortunately the girl and her brother explained to the Captain that they had really enjoyed the bridge tours outwards and looking forward to more of the same homeward, so I got away with that one with a bit of a star to my name.
Oh happy days, anyone else out there sailed on Passenger ships and had similiar experiences.
rgds
Capt. John Arton (ret'd)

[Ivan Cloherty]

This is a bit of a long story,
Oh happy days, anyone else out there sailed on Passenger ships and had similiar experiences.
rgds
Capt. John Arton (ret'd)

Nice story John, keep them coming, we need some light relief after the recent events on site

[Captain Kong]

I was a Quartermaster on the Empress of France in 1956, in the middle of the Western Ocean, I was on the wheel and always remember a passenger lady whose husband was stood in front of me between the binnacle and the window. "Come out of the mans way , he cannot see where he is going" he moved sideways and appologised, I said " Thank you, I can see now, I was going off the track."
"Be careful next time " she said to him.
.
I have done many tours of the bridge since I have been cruising, The most impressive was and is the `Queen Mary 2`, The Wheel House is 147 feet wide and so full of gadgets. Like Startrek.
There is a lot of Security today and Bridge Tours are limited to just a chosen few. All the doors are made of steel and with combination locks. and completely enclosed. There is a glass deck at each bridge wing so they can see down below when coming alongside.
Cheers
Brian.

[Mike Line]

I had the good fortune to sail on the RMS Windsor Castle, in the early 70`s. She sailed from Southampton to Cape Town and onward to Durban, once every 6 weeks.
This gave ample opportunity for the curious passengers to visit the “brains” of the ship, only the select few ventured to the engine room for a tour of that hot and noisy location. The tours normally started a few day out from Southampton, south of the Bay of Biscay. It was the 3rd Officers roll to escort the passengers around the bridge, unless the 2nd noticed something of “interest”.
We had First Class and Tourist Class passengers on the ship and bridge visits were done in strict class order. The 14.00 visit was 1st class, the 15.00 was Tourist. A list was sent to the bridge prior to each visit by the Pursers office, so we knew how many were expected, about 10 per visit. It also let us peruse any likely targets of the young single type or at least single.
The visits normally followed a well rehearsed routine, they arrived via the Starboard outside stairs from the boat deck, where the wonders of the compass and Monkey Island were explained, then it was inside, with the VHF crackling and glowing green, the radar sets humming and shock horror, no-one steering. We use to adjust our explanations based on the questions/intellect of the particular group, occasionally getting caught out by ex navy radar experts etc. But they were relaxed times for all. Some of the First class passengers had more sea time than the Commodore, Chuckle’s Charnley, they just came up to show friends what they knew, so we let them do their own visits. Tourist class visits were some of the best, the passengers tended to be younger, with more kids on their best behaviour, “don’t press that, or the ship will sink”.
We had 2 radar sets on the bridge front, one small, new set and an older Sperry monster that had a slave unit in the chart room, behind the bridge. The old radar had a very big cowling over the screen for daylight use, where a VHF radio could easily be hidden, an opportunity too good to miss on the final visit of the southbound trip, tourist class, so let’s have some fun. As I approached the radar on the stbd side of the bridge, the 2nd mate was waiting in the chart room, I explained that this was the latest experimental radar set and proceeded to “talk” to the radar: “Radar report” a Dalek type voice emanated from the radar “ Radar reporting, two ships, port bow, 7 miles” I then showed them the 2 ships and watched their amassment, this was 1974. I then instructed the radar to change range, back came the voice, “range changed to 24 miles, 2 extra ships at 18 miles”. This went on for a while so all the visitor could see this technological marvel, otherwise known as the 2nd Mate on the other end of the VHF doing his best Dalek voice etc. All then enjoyed the rest of their visit and statutory photos.
All was well until the Commodores visit to the bridge just after midnight, he asked who had done the last bridge visit that afternoon, I stepped forward, wondering what he was about to say. It transpired that not all the passengers on the visit had been Tourist class; a male First class passenger had sneaked on the visit, worse still he was on the Commodores table at dinner. Over dinner he had been extolling the wonders of this new talking radar set on the bridge and the unheard of leap in voice recognition and robotics. Apparently Chuckles did not know what to say, so just nodded along. I thought that I would be flying home from Cape Town in 3 days time, but instead he said it was the best thing he had heard for ages, and if we had any other brain waves, tell him first.
He then stole our idea, using it on some South African dignitaries going up the coast.
There’s more, maybe later.

[happy daze john in oz]

Mike was the Chuckles charnley the cheif officer? If so then he was not chuckles in my time as officers steward 1963, he was a real stuck up a**e hole who thought all ranks below him were nothing.

[Mike Line]

Hi John,
It was the very same person, although he was then the Commodore of the Union Castle fleet in 1974/5. He may have mellowed over time, or just that retirement was pending. Quite a small, white haired man, I probable have a photo somewhere, one day I will sort them out.
He nearly ran the Windsor aground after sailing from Cape Town to go up the coast; he wanted to show off Cape Agulhas to his friends. The course was adjusted against master’s orders with less than a meter under the keel.

[happy daze john in oz]

Hi John,
It was the very same person, although he was then the Commodore of the Union Castle fleet in 1974/5. He may have mellowed over time, or just that retirement was pending. Quite a small, white haired man, I probable have a photo somewhere, one day I will sort them out.
He nearly ran the Windsor aground after sailing from Cape Town to go up the coast; he wanted to show off Cape Agulhas to his friends. The course was adjusted against master’s orders with less than a meter under the keel.

Thanks for that Mike, sounds like the sort of thing he would do. Could tell you a few other tales about him and the officers steward in charge at the time I was there. In an earlier post you mentioned about the padded cell incident, when was that?

[Mike Line]

Hi John,

It was in 1974 or 75. Southbound. His body was kept in one of the kitchen frezers till we arrived in Cape Town, the quack should have stayed with him in there.

[Tommy the T]

My Embarassing Moment was whilst serving champagne.....I,d just turned 18 yrs old.

I was a Public Room Steward in the Meridean Lounge on Canberra , this Lounge was regarded as a "quiet" lounge where passengers would retire to for after dinner drinks .

I,d not been onboard very long & it was my first time working on a cruise ship ( previously done the supply run onboard Uganda between Ascension/Falklands & before that Deep Sea Cargo on various P&O ships ), Anyways, a crowd of passengers (approx 10 ) had settled in the lounge & to be quite honest they were quite a lively bunch which was a refreshing change to the usual atmosphere of the lounge,
I,d served them a few rounds of drinks during the course of an hour or so & had deduced that they had all met onboard & were not travelling "together". They were a good crowd & easy to get along with,men & women ranging in ages from I,d say mid 20,s to late 30,s, had a bit of a banter with them when they asked me questions, the usual being "whats it like working onboard / whats the crew accom like "etc etc , here,s me enjoying the banter but not getting overly familiar ( all part of the job I suppose) ,

One of the blokes was obviously trying to impress one of the women & ordered 2 bottles of Champagne to be shared amongst the group, so this kept me busy getting fresh glasses etc, putting on a bit "flare/show" whilst popping the corks & serving the bubbly which they all seemed to enjoy ( managed not to splash any of them with the bubbly etc ), as I was leaning over to serve this certain lady that the bloke was trying to impress she quietly asked me "if I was allowed to serve drinks in a Passengers cabin?" I quietly replied " Well, i,m not supposed to but will do so if thats what you would like " ( i,m being totally honest here & thought she was intending to invite her admirer back to her cabin " for a drink" etc & I thought there might be a good tip in it for me......HONEST ), so she said "right then, bottle of bubbly & 2 glasses to cabin such n such in 20 minutes please " , "Ok, I,ll take my break then" I replied.

20 minutes later I was knocking on the said cabin door, hearing the voice saying "come in" ......I entered the cabin to find this lady sprawled on her bed not wearing very much at all, it was one of those moments where you try not to look but can,t help yourself, & I presumed the guy she had invited to her cabin for a drink was maybe hiding in the bathroom etc ,but then she asked me " how long is your break ?", the penny then dropped

I,ll leave the rest to your imagination & that happened on the 3rd night of a 21 night cruise

It was slightly embarassing as I didn,t realise what she was upto at first ( I was as green as grass to cruising at this point), getting me to serve drinks in her cabin , I quite enjoyed cruising from then on

cheers
Tommy the T

[happy daze john in oz]

Hi John,

It was in 1974 or 75. Southbound. His body was kept in one of the kitchen frezers till we arrived in Cape Town, the quack should have stayed with him in there.

Thanks for that Mike, long after my time 61 to 64 with UCL. But even then there were some who should have been locked up , and we had a few odd doc' s as well. Think it might have been the smell of the ocean that sent them that way. recall the story of one first class blood who was very sick on the voyage. Had to see the doc almost every day. Her bill for medical services was so high they gave it to her in three parts. But in those days the charge for one asprin was sixpence.