ITS BAH HUNBUG TIME AGAIN

[John Arton]

Scenario.
Jan 12
After stuffing yourself stupid and drinking all too much over the festive period, its time to take down the decorations, the tree and all the christmas lights, inside and outside.
You start off with good intentions but trying to put those pesky festive lights away is a right pain so they end up getting stuffed back in their boxes any old how.After many trips up to the loft/garage eventually all is put away, the living room hoovered and furniture back in its correct place. You reward yourself with a warming coffee/tee only to find the fuse on the coffee maker/kettle has gone and you forgot the "safe" place you put that packet of 13amp fuses. No problems, you just take the fuse out of one of the sets of christmas lights (will replace once I find that box of spare fuses). Coffee machine working you reward yourself with a tasty coffee and a hunk of left over christmas cake...job done.
Move forward
Its the end of the first week of December and despite your protests the christmas tree goes up and out comes all those strands of christmas lights that worked perfectly when you stowed them away in January. This year despite rising fuel prices and calls from the local airport regarding the lights in your garden and house been mistaken for approach lights by some pilots, her indoors says no way are we cutting back on lights, what will the neighbours think.
So up goes the tree, her indoors and the girls are in charge of decorating the tree whilst you are put on LIGHT DUTIES.
Now despite what you think, light duties does not mean that you can sit back with a coldie watching the tree being decorated. No LIGHT DUTIES mean you are in charge of the festive lights. So you drag them out, spending a couple of hours untangling all the strands whilsr cursing the idiot who put them away last year. OOPS, that idiot was YOU, this year you swear you will make sure they are put away correctly...as if.
Once untangled you plug them in and switch them on fully expecting them to work as they were working last year when you put them away, were'nt they. NO CHANCE.
The next 6 hours are spent pulling all those pesky little bulbs out of their holders and testing them and making sure the tiny copper filiment pick ups are correctly aligned. 6 hours and some 600+ bulbs tested later, you have sore fingers and near blindness from squinting at the tiny bulbs and all bulbs are found to working correctley. This is when you remember this was the lights you took the fuse from in Jan. to get the coffee maker working!!!!! and of course you forget to replace it!!!
Damm and blast.
Hiding this numbskull fact from your better half, who has been badgering you for hours to get thiese lights working as the place looks bare without them and the neighbours are beating you at getting their outside lights up when your house has the proud tradition of always being first in your street/cul de sav to have the outside lights up (along with the fact that yours are always the best), you proudly hand over strands of twinkling christmas lights to drape over the tree and around the house.
Can you sit down now and watch the Manchester derby live on Sky Ports as you are an avid supporter of one side of Manchester. Can you heck. You have to muffle up and freeze your knackers off putting the outside lights which you finish just in time to catch the last 4 mins. of injury time. At least you get to see the winning goal, so there is some happiness (maybe), for the rest of the action you will just have to stay up late and watch Match of the Day, despite having to be up at 06:30 next morning in order to get to work on time!!!!!
Your knackered and you still have.
Shopping for her present
Shopping for food enough to feed a small army
Shopping for drink, again enough to quench the thirst of a small army.
Cooking and eating and drinking at least 50% of the above in one day (25th Dec) whilst wearing a silly hat and putting up with relatives you only see once a year (25 Dec).
Christmas...dont you just love it (I do)
ba humbug
JA

[Colin Hawken]

I knew I did the right thing by going away at Christmas.I love my Niece,she's always pleased to see me.She puts on a very convincing act anyhow.

[Jim Brady]

John many a true word said in jest.I could'nt agree with you more about putting lights in the tree outside,as far as i am concerned you just put them in the tree and spread them around a bit.NOoooo it does'nt work like that,move them another 6 inches over that way move them over there another foot that way.whats the bloody difference once they are in the tree and lit up in the dark who the hell takes any notice.I just loose it in the end so my grandson will be putting them up this year so I hope he has got more patience than Meldrew here.
Regards.
Jim.B.

[happy daze john in oz]

There is an easy way to store lights at the end of the season. Put them in the bin and buy new ones next year.

[John Pruden]

what bloody day is humbug day anyway didn't the Romans change the calendar?jp