Virtual Ship

Mike you really must get some new glasses as i think your hearing is going, must be all those bells rining, all 32 of them. What the captain and Les B Ann were talking about was not Everest but NEVEREST the name of this ship you so kindly put us all on. Never rest, never eat, never see land, never see Queenie unless down on the heads. Now the plum you want for jam were usde to make wine, and its all gone. Vernon sold it in Abu Gadafi where ever that is, said he needs the money to but Oranjeboom, sounds like exploding oranges to me. As to the tab nabs being so hard as to break your teeth then blame Den, again. He put powdered Viagra in them so they would not go soft when you dunk them in your coffee.:eek:

I just had to run like mad to get to the nearest Loo! Nearly wet myself after reading this one John!:)
You are a card at times mate!
But a good 'un all the same
Cheers
Vernon

Poor Mike! Needing new Glasses so as he hear better?? :D

Good one John.
Do you think we should order some TENNA PADS for Vernon??.
Like the new name of this ship, Neverest. I havent seen sight nor hair of Gullivier or Les b anne, do you think they left cardboard cut- outs of themselevs on the bridge?????. And what happened to Santos i know we were only going there for a short time. But did we ever get there??? Or was it just a dream.:mad:
taffy one eye

Well Taff we could get some of those pads but not sure if it is such a good idea. Some of the crew are very hard of sight as well as haering and I am concerned they may look a bit like some of the breakfast cereals Den dishes up. Come to think of it they would most likely taste the same. But not sure what they will put on them, no milk for the last six weeks since Vernon sold the old cow. He sells anything that is not tied down, that is the only reason Alf is still with us, lashed to the wheel. Les B Ann and the skipper were last seen talking with that new very butch blonde they brought on board. I have heard she is of mid European origins and her name is Nicen Tite, so bad that she has been known to bring tears to a glass eye.

Oh Yes! Typical of you Antipodean lads to cast nasturtiums on Gulliver's stainless character.
He's been very busy trying to arrange a cargo of Tenopads for onward transit from Santos(hope we've not arrived there yet). Anyway,The Agent's spellchecker has come up with Sennapods which I think we'll be able to handle(Rather than them there ...other things! I Think Gulliver's currently looking up the S.F.(Stowage Factor) in his Day Skippers Bumper Book of Cargo Handling(1947,revised edition 1952).That'll tell us where to put them?.......
Just look upon his last cargo-handling episode as a one-off'(or six or seven)---pic below).
I believe our Virtual Vernon is in France or Belgium or somewhere.....well anyway ,according to the 'galley wireless' I heard he's incontinent....so that must be it then.:eek:
ETA ASAP TTFN
Les.B.Anne,Acting Skipper.
p.p.Gulliver(that's nothing to do with Tenopads!)

'shushhh' everyone seems to be asleep, its been 4 days since we have had some bitching to each other, i wonder what poor ol den must think, being left alone for this long? And where are the welsh? Saying that i am off to cardiff on wednesday ( last of my auntys past away ). Take care......terry. :(:(

the reason its gone quiet is that everyone has put those unmentionable pads in their socks and are walking about with no shoes on. there is an alternate use for everything. cheers. alf:D:D

ps. i do like the viagra biscuits

Davey,
I cant hear a damn thing mate,i have had these earplugs in for quite some time,and with all these Lads using the Tenopads to muffle there movements,makes it even harder to keep track of where they all are!
Shifty lot of beggars and i will have to keep a beady eye out ,to see what they are all uo to haha!:)

I have brougt a load of new tenopads with me from my Continental Incontinence haha! trip to France and also brought some lovely fancy pants back from Belguim! There were so many guys there that were wearing these that i thought the Lads may like them! Mmmmmm!!

Wouldnt it be great to see them all in these haha!:D

Cheers

When do we set sail again !! Ahoy there!!

Vernon mate those trousers rae far too complicated for us. As for the continental pads you brought back they are all the one flavour! Den was wearing some on his feet then put them in the galley and one of the Welsh witches thinking they were lava bread ate one. Said he thought the addition of cheese was very good. If you must go continental could you next time bring back something usefull like real food, not the unlabled tins of cat food you brought this time. I know the man in Camden market told you it was red salmon, but the fact is you were lost as that market burned down last year. No lables on the tins and the contents over cooked.

Take those Sennapods out of your ears,you crazy crew,and listen up.
unless I've heard wrongly(and I seldom do!),our Mr.Mac D has brought a " Fancy Pants" back from Belgium. Hope she's got a visa.Does his dear long-suffering wife know?
As for the design of your Pants,Vernon......do they do them in Ocean Blue Lycra....oops,slip of the fingers......do they do them in Ocean Blue Serge(that's it),can't have the crew feeling too comfortable.
Telegram just received. "Lands End for orders." Had to throw away the first one,which mistakenly said "Persian Gulf for orders".Head Office seem to think we're a tanker or something-good old Head Office-they couldn't run a fleet on a boating lake.
Got my doubts about Sparky too and those messages- has anyone seen him around lately? Do we still have one?
I'm very worried about Alf. He Claims he saw my avatar showing semaphore signals of a rude nature,then mumbled something about Sea Cadets and Viagra Biscuits.
Magic Mushrooms I expect in Alf's case. That lad spends too much time lashed to the wheel in my opinion.
(Picture of Alf below)
(inexplicable ramblings follow by Gulliver ........Hmmm! In Continent......Belgium.......Antwerp......Danny's Bar(remember?)......Lycra(No!)...or was it Clancy's Bar(Kobe...or maybe Yokohama.......)
Back to the paperwork,lads.
Les B.Anne's just brought my medication/sedation. She's a treasure.....everyone keeps asking where I dug her up from?....
She's in charge.Ignore her at your peril.
Bon Voyage....as they say In Continent!
Gulliver