School time

[happy daze john in oz]

The following questions were in a GED (grade 12 equivalent) examination. (These are genuine answers)

• Q What is a turbine?
  A. Something an Arab or Sheik wears on his head. Once an Arab boy
  reaches puberty, he removes his diaper and wraps it around his head.
  
  Q How is dew formed?
  A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
  
  Q What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
  A. If you are buying a house, they will insist that you are well endowed.
  
  Q In a democratic society, how important are elections?
  A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.
  
  Q What are steroids?
  A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
  (Shoot yourself now; there is little hope.)
  
  Q What happens to your body as you age?
  A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
  
  Q What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
  A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
  (So true)
  
  Q Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
  A. Premature death.
  
  Q How can you delay milk turning sour?
  A. Keep it in the cow.
  (Simple, but brilliant)
  
  Q How are the main 20 parts of the body categorized (e.g. The abdomen)?
  A. The body is consisted into 3 parts – the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A,E,I,O,U
  
  Q What is the fibula?
  A. A small lie.
  
  Q What does 'varicose' mean?
  A. Nearby.
  
  Q What is the most common form of birth control?
  A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.
  (That would work.)
  
  Q Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section.'
  A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome.
  
  Q What is a seizure?
  A. A Roman Emperor.
  (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit.)
  
  Q What is a terminal illness?
  A. When you are sick at the airport.
  (Irrefutable)
  
  Q What does the word 'benign' mean?
  A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
  (brilliant)
  
  Q Name the four seasons
  A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  

[Graham Payne]

Bloody brilliant John.
Keep them coming.

[Des Taff Jenkins]

Hi John.
Thanks for those, now I have so many tears in my eyes I can't see a thing LoL.
Ds