Social Comment

[j.sabourn]

#22 Have you tried converting Christmas to Valentines on last years Christmas card. Although same number of letters is a work of art altering so no one will notice. JS

[j.sabourn]

SOUND ADVICE…
Sometime this year we Tax Payers may again receive another “ Economic Stimulus Payment” . This is indeed a very exciting program and I”ll explain it by using an A & Q format.
Q….What is an Economic Stimulus Payment ?
A…..It is money that the government will send to Taxpayers.
Q…..Where will the government get this money?
A……From the Taxpayers.
Q…..So the government is giving me back my own money ?
A….. Only a smidgen of it.
Q……What is the purpose of the payment ?
A……The plan is for you to purchase a high definition TV set, Thus stimulating the Economy
Q……But isn’t that stimulating the economy of China ?
A……Shut up
Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the Australian economy by spending your cheque wisely. If you spend the stimulus money at K-Mart, Big W, Target or the host of $2 shops we have, the money will go to China, Vietnam, or Sri- Lanka, if you spend it on petrol your money will go to the Arabs.
If you purchase a computer , it will go to India, Taiwan or China- if you purchase vegetables, it will go to China, India . Peru….if you buy an efficient car it will go to Japan or Korea, if you purchase useless stuff it will go to Taiwan.
If you pay off your Credit Cards or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.
Instead keep it in Australia by …
1. Spending it at garage sales, or
2. Going to footy games, or
3. Spending it on Prostitutes,or
4. Beer,or
5. Tattoos.
These are about the only businesses operating in Oz.
CONCLUSION …Go to a footy game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a garage sale and drink beer all day !
No need to thank me , I’m just glad I could be of help.
JS

[Johnny Kieran]

Brilliant, what life is all about.

[Mike Hutchins]

#22 Have you tried converting Christmas to Valentines on last years Christmas card. Although same number of letters is a work of art altering so no one will notice. JS

Save yourself some trouble, John.
Forget about Valentines, just keep the Xmas cards until next year &, where it says FROM: e.g 'Aunt Mary', add 'and JS' and send the card to somebody else. True recycling!
Mike.

[happy daze john in oz]

Then there are those who buy up at a greatly reduced price cards left over from various occasions.
Keep till next year and hope those you will send to are still with us.

[j.sabourn]

Jews.
Two old Jewish men Sid and Abe are sitting in a Mexican restraurant one day and Sid asks Abe “ Do you know of any people of our ancestry born and raised in Mexico ?” Abe replies, I dont know let’s ask the waiter. The waiter arrives and Abe says are there any Mexican Jews ? . The waiter says I don’t know I ask the cooks. He returns and says no senor , the cook says no Mexican Jews. I can’t believe that says Abe our people are scattered everywhere.
The waiter realising he is dealing with gringos says I check once again Senor and goes back into the kitchen, comes back and says Senors I ask Everyone , he says very exasperated- all we have ,is Prune Jews, Tomato Jews, Apple Jews, but no Mexican Jews.
JS

[Johnny Kieran]

Dats a cracker JS

[James Curry]

My wife has said I tend to mumble and as I get older I seem to be getting worse. Last Sunday I bought some Oysters. I asked the fishmonger, have you any Oysters!!! Yes, Great , I will have half a dozen. He came back and apologised , I only have 11 left. ffs!!! I bought the 11. I glared at my wife, she knew better than to say anything. I am sure we are all familiar with the I told you so smirk on her face
Anyway they were very nice @£22.25 they effing well should have been.

[Doug Hardie]

#38 Good salesman James ? Though you don’t mention the price of champagne & Guinness you would normally use to accompany the meal ,you maybe got a deal to offset the extra 5 oysters! HA,HA
Doug

[happy daze john in oz]

There I was in the deli at the supermarket looking at fresh chicken cuts.
The lady behind the counter asked can I help.
Yes I said, how big are your breasts.
She stuck he chest out and said are these big enough.
Burst out laughing when I said chicken ones.
I know she said just having a joke.
Well I said just as well I have known you for years, had the manager heard he may have thought otherwise.
No worries there she said, we all think he is gay!!!!