Silly Jokes! But a Laugh i hope !

[Doc Vernon]

Panda,
A panda walks into a bar and eats lunch. When he is finished he shoots the waiter and leaves.
The owner of the bar runs after the panda and asks him why he did such a thing. The panda replied, “Look up the word ‘panda’ in the dictionary.”




The owner did so and it read, “Pandas are black and white animals. They eat shoots and leaves.”,



LittleJohnny
Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother gently rubbed cold cream on her face.
“Why are you rubbing cold cream on your face, Mommy” he asked?




“To make myself beautiful”, said his mother.
A few minutes later, she began removing the cream with a tissue.
“What’s the matter” asked Little Johnny. “Giving up”?



A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter
“What are you doing?” She asked.
“Hunting Flies” He responded.




“Oh!, Killing any?” She asked.
“Yep, 3 males, 2 Females”, he replied.
Intrigued, she asked. “How can you tell?”




“3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone.”



A professor in South Africa is teaching her students how to form English sentences.
“Attention class l have two words: Cheetah and dandelion, can anybody use these together in a sentence?”
One student raises their hand,




“The cheetah is faster dandelion”


I’ve got contacts
A lady is driving her car when she gets flagged down and pulled over by a policeman.
The police ask “good day ma’am, may I see your driver’s license please?”




“Certainly” the lady replies.
The policeman checks over the license card and says to the lady: “ma’am, unfortunately, I’m going to have to fine you… it says here that you need to be wearing glasses while driving”
“I’ve got contacts,” says the lady




“Listen here lady,” replies the policeman.
“I don’t care who you know, you still need to wear glasses while driving!”



Bus loaded with Politicians was driving down a road close to Oom Jans farm when suddenly the bus ran off the road and went straight into Ooms Jans farm, was a terrible accident, Oom then got off his tractor to go investigate the horrific event.
After some consideration Oom jan saw no choice but to dig a large hole and bury all the Politicians. A few days later the local police department came out and saw the damaged bus and asked Oom Jan what happened to the Politicians that were on the bus?
Oom Jan told them that he had buried them. Oh my says the Police officers and asked Oom Jan were they all dead? Oom Jan answered:




“Well some of them said they weren’t dead but you know You never can trust a POLITICIAN”

OK I KNOW A BIT SICK! lol

[happy daze john in oz]

Mum and dad asked little Johhny what he wanted for Christmas.

'I wana watch' he replied

So they let him!!

[Tony Taylor]

My wife threw a bottle of fabric softener at me, just missed my head;
it must have been LENOR,
it was too close for COMFORT.

[Roger Millard]

There were two lads at school discussing who had the best Dad. Fred says has to be mine "he has Nelsons watch" Oh that's nothing! said William mine "has Adams apple"