Comes to us all.(or not).

[John Gill]

An 85-year old-man was requested by his Doctor for a sperm count as part of his annual exam.
The Doctor gave the man a jar and said,'take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.'
The next day the 85-year-old man re-appeared at the Doctors office and gave him the jar which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The Doctor asked what happened and the man explained 'Well doc it's like this- first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing..
Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her left hand, then her right, still nothing.
She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.
'She even called up Arleen, the lady next door, and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, then she even tried to squeeze it between her knees, but still nothing'.
The Doctor was shocked! 'You asked your neighbour?'
The old man replied,'Yep, none of us could get the jar open.'

[cappy]

now thats a cracker......lol cappy

[happy daze john in oz]

he devil whispered to me, “I’m coming for you.” I whispered back, “Bring pizza.”

Me: (sobbing my heart out, eyes were swollen, nose red)…I can’t see you anymore. I am not going to let you hurt me like this again!
Trainer: It was a sit up. You did one sit up.

Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave the house.

It’s weird being the same age as old people.

When I was a kid I wanted to be older…this is not what I expected.

Life is like a helicopter. I don’t know how to operate a helicopter.

Chocolate is God’s way of telling us he likes us a little bit chubby.

It’s probably my age that tricks people into thinking I’m an adult.

Marriage Counselor: Your wife says you never buy her flowers. Is that true?
Him: To be honest, I never knew she sold flowers.

[Des Taff Jenkins]

To Your bottom one John.
Your wife says you never buy her flowers, "But she's not dead yet."
Des

[j.sabourn]

She’s always spending money on plants for the garden Des. She’s had plenty. JS

[happy daze john in oz]

I hit the golf ball any way I can and laugh if it goes in the lake. That's the breaks. I'm just happy I can still hit that golf ball. I am forwarding this to those on my Seniors e-mail list because it is so well written. Please send back. (I did) It's neat.

Don't delete this one, you'll laugh when you see the return message.

As I've aged, I've become kinder to myself, and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend. I have seen too many dear friends leave this world, too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.

Whose business is it, if I choose to read, or play on the computer until 4 AM, or sleep until noon? I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 50, 60 and 70's, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love, I will.

I will walk the beach, in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves, with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set. They too, will get old.

I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And, I eventually remember the important things.

Sure, over the years, my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break, when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody's beloved pet passes? But, broken hearts are what give us strength, and understanding, and compassion. A heart never broken, is pristine, and sterile, and will never know the joy of being imperfect.

I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver.

As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don't question myself anymore. I've even earned the right to be wrong.

So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day (if I feel like it).

MAY OUR FRIENDSHIP NEVER COME APART, ESPECIALLY WHEN IT'S STRAIGHT FROM THE HEART!