Maggie may

[Red Lead Ted]

Maggy May was very well known as a lady of the night on Lime ST Station by everyone, Now we have a new comer Mary.
Mary felt she needed to make her peace with the lord before xmas, So she went to confession in the local church after telling Father Timmy her profession he granted her his best wishes and gave her penance.
Father Timmy met Mary on the train last week, Hi Mary how are you dear i must say you look worn out ?
Yes father she said it was the penance you gave me.................. What he replied....................
Well you did say 3 hail mary,s and to do the stations...................................... Do you realize how many stations there are on Mersey Rail...........................

[Jim Brady]

Talking of confession and penance.A small village in Ireland the priest is taking confessions when a young lady enters the confessional.The priest doesn't recognise her voice the priest asks her where she is from and what is she doing in this village.I'm with the circus she says and I'm an acrobat,oh said the priest I have never seen anybody doing acrobatics.Come out into the church father and I'l show you some of what I do.She starts doing cartwheels,toss overs and backward flips up and down the aisle.Mary and Agnes are sitting there waiting to go into the confessional,Mary gets up to make a beeline for the door,where are you going Mary,I'm getting out of here Agnes look at the penance he's giving out and here's me without me knickers.
Regards.
Jim.B.

[robpage]

One of my favourite Catholic jokes was an eminent cardinal passed away in his sleep and he found himself outside of the gates of Heaven st Peter open the gate and let him in and he said do you know who I am st. Peter . St Peter said yes of course I do your evidence and has a distinguished member of the clergy we have a special entrance exam for you and he pointed to a long black Wall that went Skywards he handed the Cardinal a box of chalk and he said for every sin in your life my son you chalk outline line and you stand on it then you joke one above it and you slowly climb up the wall . The cardinal looked up and said that won't take me long will go to the wall and looked up and saw the pope coming down to rescue him he said not to worry st Peter the Pope is coming to rescue me st Peter said . No chance pal that's John xx111 coming back for more chalk the rest of them will be down in a minute they normally run out together

[Jim Brady]

The Parish Priest Father Murphy arrived at the pearly gates,you cant' come in here said St.Peter,Im Fthr Murphy the parish priest I have been working hard for God for forty years preaching fire and brimstone and putting the fear of Christ into people to keep them on the strait and narrow.Not good enough said St.Peter your not coming in.Just then this man arrives come in Mr Riley your most welcome.Fr.Murphy go's ballistic,thats Riley the local bus driver shouted the priest,I know it is said St.Peter and he put the fear of Christ into more people in one day than you did in forty years.
Regards.
Jim.B.

[happy daze john in oz]

A man was talking with the local priest about death and how would you like your end to be.

Well he replied, just like my grandfather when he was driving his bus, not screaming like his passengers.

[Keith at Tregenna]

THE IRISH BROTHEL

Three Irishmen are sitting in the pub window seat,
Watching the front door of the
brothel over the road.

The local Methodist pastor appears, and quickly goes inside.
"Would you look at that!" says the first Irishman.
"Didn't I always say what a bunch of hypocrites they are?"

No sooner are the words out of his mouth than a Rabbi appears at the
door, Knocks, and goes inside.
"Another one trying to fool everyone with pious preaching and stupid
hats!"

They continue drinking their beer roundly condemning the vicar and the
rabbi.

When they see their own Catholic priest knock on the door.
"Ah, now dat's sad." says the third Irishman.
"One of the girls must have died."