The top dont,s in the uk today

[Red Lead Ted]

Never, Admit you have Syrian blood in your family.
Never, Honey moon if you get married in Brazil.
Never, Trust any Panamanian registered car ferry with your 4 wheel motor.
Never, Leave your garden shed unlocked at night you might end up with a family of migrants squatting.
Never, Confide in a german woman while fishing, Especially if she is an Angler..............


There has to be more lads,

[John Arton]

1. Never voice an opinion that is opposite to that or your wife
2. Never get rid of that comfy sofa as if you do 1 above you will find yourself sleeping on said sofa.
Regretfully 1 and 2 are diametrically opposed so if in 1 you agree with wife you need a new sofa, then make sure you have a warm comfy room to put the old one in.
rgds
JA

[j.sabourn]

Never put your #alls in the mangle, in case some silly bugger turns the handle. JS

[Red Lead Ted]

Des, Gotta let this one out the bag m8, With having a lousy xmas through one thing and another, I took my whole family for a slap up meal Italian on New years day, We all had our fill and was a gr8 night about 11pm we decided to make our way back to my place for a few drinks to finish the night, As we had all had a drink we needed 3 taxi cabs, So i went outside the place to phone 3 cabs,,, As i did i walked into a group of lets say middle aged woman entering the place. One of them was in a right flutter wiping her hair coat face with a hanky.................... Idont believe that she said why i said whats up? it must have happened to everyone she said but a bird has just sh*t on my head, Oh yes hun i said i once had 2 birds sat on my head in Trinidad during my time at sea I must say it went down like a lead balloon Some people have no sence of humour Terry.

[Des Taff Jenkins]

Hi Terry.
Xmas comes but once a year, you may not have read my earlier post. I had just come home through teeming rain from Xmas dinner at my daughters place,it was the first time I had worn shorts this summer. I helped the wife get the presents inside then put the car in the Garage and dashed for the door, then decided to run and close the gates. My new trainers caught a little bit of the concrete driveway and the next thing I was flying through the air, I had time to think, "This is going to bloody hurt," when I hit the concrete going into a slide like a welsh forward heading for a try, but went out through the gates. I staggered inside grabbed two towels and went up the hall groaning and bleating; blood everywhere, my wife came out of the bathroom thinking that it was Napoleons retreat from Moscow and nearly fainted. Anyway result was skin off both knees both elbows and both palms, so no Xmas present that night.
Cheers Des

[happy daze john in oz]

Des, next time you want to do an impression opf a dying swan from Swan Lake I suggest you wait until the winter, sliding across the ice does less damage than concrete.

[j.sabourn]

Don't"s..
Don't Cry for me Argentina
Don't you make those eyes at me
Don't you think you've said enough
Dont go where others fear to Tread
Don't take on what you cant do
Don't take Umbrage
Don't take me for a fool
Don't stand on my toes
Don't do as I do, do as I say
Don't count your chickens before they"re hatched
Don't stop my dole.

JS PS Forgot the one Cappy is always admonishing Mary with..Dont speak with your mouth full JS

[John Pruden]

don't act as if your british its against the human rights mob.. jp

[j.sabourn]

Don't vote yes to stay in the EU. Tell them to stick it where the monkey sticks its nuts. JS

[happy daze john in oz]

Don't expect to come out of the EU, not after what was on Oz TV today.