Steering Mistake.

[Graham Shaw]

Master Bates to young OS on the wheel "How's your head,?"
Seaman Staines "Chuffin awful,Sir,I had hell of a session ashore last night!"

Examiner to Lifeboat Ticket Candidate "Do you know how to box the compass,laddie?"
Reply "Show me a carton big enough,mister,and I'll squeeze the bastard into it somehow "

[j.sabourn]

Reminds me of something like beautician to client How’s your face for wrinkles. ? Answer … How’s your bum for pimples ? JS
Remember the proper words now ! Person to person…How’s your Belly for wrinkles ? How’s your bum for pimples ? JS

[James Curry]

During my time I have done a spot of yacht racing sailing and cruising , my wife also crewed with me. I have no problem saying she was a better helm than me especially when it can to light winds, only time we won a race was with her at the helm.
Anyway she spent a bit of time on a small coaster with me many years ago. I conned her by saying she had to earn her keep so she would join me in the engineroom and keep the place spotless , great with the Brasso and the place looked like a new pin.
We would go on the bridge and join the mate or skipper for a chat and a coffee. She was asking the skipper were the wheel was . It was just a tiller, but on auto pilot. What happens if you take it off auto pilot/ well you have to hand steer, like when we go into port or the like. I'm good on the helm she says , he knew we did a lot of sailing. Can I have a go sometime. Sure he says , hang on we had a wandering lead and you could take it out onto the bridge. So he takes it off auto and ssays just steer that course just gently with the helm if she is moving off course. Look ahead and then check your still on course. we went out on the bridge and she was doing well. Richard said let's see what she does and he started playing with the wandering lead we wandered off course and he stopped playing around, fair enough no panic and she brought her back on course, he altered course again and stopped , she got her back on course again , but she was getting annoyed I could tell. He did the same thing again, she looked at us and slammed the bridge door shut. Panic as the lead no longer functioned and there we are heading for the Lizard. That was the end of the fun and games , back on Auto called the skipper a plonker or words to that effect. Took me a while to repair the lead. Bit of a daft thing to do but at 10 knots and coasting in an area at that time not a lot of traffic. But he did give her a steering ticket of sorts. Fun times.