Need a lawyer??

[happy daze john in oz]



These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said ...in court, word for word,

taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.





ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!



_______________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.


____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.


____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.


_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.


_________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?


___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?


____________________________________



ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.


___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?


_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid


____________________________________________



ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honour, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?


____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was our first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.


___________________________________________



ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.


______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.


_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral...


_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.



______________________________________
And last:



ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.



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[John Pruden]

john those questions are very close to what rely happens even magistrates courts are the biggest joke in the legal system ? jp

[John Gill]

Reminds me of the tale (allegedly true) of a law practice in Philadelphia offering a BOGOF, ask two questions get one free. Applicant enters office of eminent counsel,' I believe you're offering a deal?'
'Correct. What's your second question?'

[j.sabourn]

Just as well it wasnt the Genii of the lamp. John.
JS

[Louis the fly]

Judge. "I award your ex wife £400 per month in maintenance payment"
Ex husband. "Thank you very much honour I will also throw in a few quid now and again".

[happy daze john in oz]

WE have them here known as Ambulance chasers, see an accident and art there to follow the ambo to hospital so they can offer services.

Many say no win no fee, but do not be fooled.
they make sure they can win before they take you on.