They walk amongst us at the highest level

[Graham Shaw]

My wife bought me underpants the other day, she says she got a bargain only a £1 each. Really good fit it says on the pack!!!! Cracking value she says !!! Aye they are, only problem is there is 50p worth disappear up the crack of your -rse when you bend over to tie your shoes.

Ah! Undercrackers !Wingies.gif-at last a serious nautical subject.ROFL.gif

My dear old Aunty May used to without fail, until I was well into my thirties,always bought me three pairs of 'em for my birthday.Even if I was away at sea,there they were,all neatly wrapped up waiting for me when I came home on leave. Usually the traditional white ones but about 1975 she got a bit daring and bought me a multipack of coloured polka dot' trolleys',probably thinking I was adult enough to start wearing them. Now,it wasn't so much a fetish on Aunty May's part-she was a spinster and to my knowledge never had a beau,but more of a 'my nephew can never have too many underpants' sort of thing. Well OK, but on the odd occasion that I picked out a pair to wear from my undie and sock draw I discovered....some of them had the flyhole round the back (quick release gear style sort of),one had NO fly,and one even had the opening on the side,as well as an upside down label reading ' Sainta Mike L. or' something similar. Most of 'em did say Made in Bangladesh though.
All was revealed,not literally glad to say,when my sister accompanied May through the local market one day. Whilst shopping for my birthday underpants.In her thriftiness , and love of a bargain,bless her,she always bought them from a trader who advertised his cheap foreign merchandise as Marks and Spencers Top Quality Rejects ! No wonder the order for M& S fell through-because one's tackle probably would,if it could find an exit!

I always like to keep things in their place,and those rejects just wouldn't do the job!

[happy daze john in oz]

It is years since i saw a pair with a fly in them.
All double fronted with elastic that does not stand the test of time.

But could be worse.

there was a guy who sol panty hose in a London market.

"great stuff just like the ones Christine Kellor wore, well trusted'

Week latyer a lady comes back and says'

'I bought two pairs and when I got them home discovered they only had one leg so have been done'

"There you are, another satisfied customer'

[j.sabourn]

The only thing worse than having no fly in them would be having a wasp instead. JS

[happy daze john in oz]

Something for the weekend
The following were answers provided by 6th graders during history tests. Watch the spelling! Some of the best humour is in the misspelling.

1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of the Sarah is such that all the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
2. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.
3. Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.
4. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth.
5. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.
Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out: "Tee hee, Brutus."
6. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard Shaw.
7. Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted "hurrah."
8. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking.
9. Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper.
10. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an
example of a heroic couple. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet.
11. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.
12. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backward and declared, "A horse divided against itself cannot stand."
13. Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.
14. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin, which he built with his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. They believe the assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor. This ruined Booth's career.
ENJOY YOUR WEEKEND