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Thread: Got a light

  1. #1
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    Default Got a light

    Those of you who may have ever been to Queensland would know they are an odd bunch, very odd.
    Refuse to have day light saving as they say it will fade the curtains and effect the cows when milking time comes around.
    They spell beer XXXX that is what is on the cans.
    They claim perfect one day and something else the rest of the time.

    There is Queensland University, currently engaged in developing a Vaccine for the Virus.
    They have on occasions also done some very good medical work in other fields.

    Smoking according to those who count such matters is now down to 15% of the population, but taxes remain at the same level.
    Governments love the money so as the numbers decline the tax increases.

    There have been many attempts to stop all smoking but the latest from this University is a Pearler.

    Cigarettes should only be available with a prescription from your GP??????????????

    How wonderful, you go to see some one who is there to keep you fit and health then you ask him for something that may well in time kill you.
    What a wonder idea, keep the population numbers down.

    Only Queensland could conjour this one up.
    Happy daze John in Oz.

    Life is too short to blend in.

    John Strange R737787
    World Traveller

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    Default Re: Got a light

    Our Constitution


    WE, the people of the broad brown land of Oz, wish to be recognised as a free nation of blokes, sheilas and the occasional boong.

    We come from many lands (although a few too many of us come from New Zealand) and, although we live in the best country in the world, we reserve the right to bitch and moan about it whenever we bloody like.

    WE are One Nation but we're divided into many States. First, there's Victoria, named after a queen who didn't believe in lesbians. Victoria is the realm of Mossimo turtlenecks, cafe latte, grand final day and big horse races. Its capital is Melbourne, whose chief marketing pitch is that it's "liveable." At least that's what they think. The rest of us think it is too bloody cold and wet.

    Next, there's NSW, the realm of pastel shorts, macchiato with sugar, thin books read quickly and millions of dancing queens. Its capital Sydney has more queens than any other city in the world, and is proud of it. It's mascots are Bondi lifesavers who pull their Speedos up their cracks to keep the left and right sides of their brains separate.

    Down south we have Tasmania, a State based on the notion that the family that bonks together stays together. In Tassie, everyone gets an extra chromosome at conception. Maps of the State bring smiles to the sternest faces. It holds the world record for a single mass shooting, which the Yanks can't seem to beat no matter how often they try.

    South Australia is the province of half-decent reds, a festival of foreigners and bizarre axe murders. SA is the state of innovation, where else can you so effectively reuse country bank vaults and barrels as in Snowton, just out of Adelaide (also named after a queen). They had the Grand Prix, but lost it when the views of Adelaide sent the Formula One drivers to sleep at the wheel.

    Western Australia is too far from anywhere to be relevant in this document. It's main claim to fame is that it doesn't have daylight saving because if it did all the men would get erections on the bus on the way to work. WA was the last state to stop importing convicts, and many of them still work there in the government and business.

    The Northern Territory is the red heart of our land. Outback plains, sheep stations the size of Europe, kangaroos, jackaroos, emus, Ulurus and dusty kids with big smiles. It also has the highest beer consumption of anywhere on the planet, and its creek beds have the highest aluminium content of anywhere too. Although the Territory is the centre piece of our national culture, few of us live there and the rest prefer to fly over it on our way to Bali.

    And there's Queensland. While any mention of God seems silly in a document defining a nation of half-arsed agnostics, it is worth noting that God probably made Queensland. Why he filled it with dickheads remains a mystery.

    Oh yes, and there's Canberra. The nation's capital. The least said the better.

    We, the citizens of Oz, are united by the Pacific Highway, whose treacherous twists and turns kill more of us each year than die by murder. We are united in our lust for international recognition, so desperate for praise we leap in joy when a ragtag gaggle of corrupt IOC officials tells us Sydney is better than Beijing. We are united by a democracy so flawed that a political party, albeit a redneck gun-toting one, can get a million votes and still not win one seat in Federal Parliament while Brian bloody Harradine can get 24, 000 votes and run the whole country.

    Not that we're whingeing, we leave that to our Pommy immigrants.

    We want to make "no worries mate" our national phrase, "she'll be right mate" our national attitude, and "Waltzing Matilda" our national anthem (so what if it's about a sheep-stealing crim who commits suicide).

    We love sport so much our newsreaders can read the death toll from a sailing race and still tell us who's winning in the same breath. And we're the best in the world at all the sports that count, like cricket, netball, rugby, AFL, roo-shooting, two-up and horse racing.

    We also have the biggest rock, the tastiest pies, the blackest aborigines and the worst-dressed Olympians in the known universe. We don't know much about art but we know we hate the poofs who make it.

    We shoot, we vote. We are girt by sea and pissed by lunchtime. And even though we might seem a racist, closed-minded, sports-obsessed little people, at least we're better than the Kiwis




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    Default Re: Got a light

    Like a big rally in Darwin where a ham shank was carrying on about all the different people in his heritage, when a voice calls out 'High mate,your mother was a real sporting type'.

    Then there is the Territory flag with its black ball in the middle, which represents Canberra, where all good ideas disappear.

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    Default Re: Got a light

    #2 Sure that has been posted before
    Last edited by Ivan Cloherty; 14th October 2020 at 08:10 AM.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Got a light

    #2: Liked that, thanks Doc.

    If someone posted it before guess, I missed it.

    Keith.

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    Default Re: Got a light

    Quote Originally Posted by Ivan Cloherty View Post
    #2 Sure that has been posted before
    I put it on two weeks ago.
    Happy daze John in Oz.

    Life is too short to blend in.

    John Strange R737787
    World Traveller

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    Default Re: Got a light

    Quote Originally Posted by Ivan Cloherty View Post
    #2 Sure that has been posted before
    Ahaa!! Stringed Ivan! LOL
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    Default Re: Got a light

    I am so blind i cannot see
    I did not bring my specs with me, oh my how silly can one be , i did not bring my specs with me! LOL

    Sos John must have been dreaming, as i did reply to the post as well. Eeeeek!!

    https://www.merchant-navy.net/forum/...76=#post351052
    Last edited by Doc Vernon; 15th October 2020 at 05:33 AM.
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    Default Re: Got a light

    Quote Originally Posted by Keith at Tregenna View Post
    #2: Liked that, thanks Doc.

    If someone posted it before guess, I missed it.

    Keith.
    Keith it was a bit of frivolity about one of Doc's posts, guessed you missed that also, Doc got it!

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  13. #10
    Keith at Tregenna's Avatar
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    Default Re: Got a light

    I always read Doc's docs, any others ad hoc or some are best avoided.

    If posted by Doc, can guarantee it will be worth reading.

    K.

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