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8th October 2020, 05:30 AM
#1
This is us
WE ARE ALL AUSTRALIANS
We, the people of a free nation of blokes, sheilas and the occasional wanker.
We come from many lands (though a few too many come from NZ) and although we live in the best country in the world, we reserve the right to bitch and moan about it whenever we like.
We are one nation but divided into many states.
First, there is Victoria, named after a queen who did not believe in lesbians. Victoria is in the realm of Mossimo turtlenecks, café latte, grand-final day and a big horse race.
The capital is Melbourne, whose chief marketing pitch is that it is the most liveable city in the world. At least that is what they think. The rest of us think it is too bloody cold and wet.
Next, there is New South Wales, the realm of the pastel shorts, macchiato with sugar, thin books read quickly and millions of dancing queens.
It’s capital, Sydney, has more queens than any other city in the world and is proud of it.
Its mascots are Bondi lifesavers that pull their Speedos up their cracks to keep the left and right side of their brains apart.
Down South we have Tasmania, a state based on the notion that the family that bonks together stays together.
In Tassie, everyone gets an extra chromosome at conception.
Maps of the state bring smiles to the sternest faces.
It hold the world record for a single mass shooting, which even the Yanks can’t seem to beat no matter how often they try.
South Australia is the province of half-decent Reds, a festival of foreigners and bizarre axe murders.
South Australia is the state of innovation. Where else can you so effectively reuse country bank vaults and barrels in Snowtown, just out of Adelaide (also named after a queen).
They had a grand prix, but lost it when views of Adelaide sent the formula one driver to sleep at the wheel.
News presenters have recently been forced to market tourism with the highly persuasive phrase—Adelaide—it’s OK!
Western Australia is too far from anywhere to be relevant.
Its main claim to fame is that it does not have daylight saving because if it did all the men would get erections on the bus on the way to work.
Western Australia was the last state to stop importing convicts and many of them still work in the government.
The Northern Territory is the Red heart of our land. Outback plains, sheep stations the size of Europe, Kangaroos, Jackaroos, Emus, Uluru and dusty kids with big smiles. It also has the highest beer consumption of anywhere on the planet and its creek beds have the highest Aluminium content of anywhere too.
Though the Territory is the centre- piece of our national culture, few of us live there and the rest prefer to fly over on their way to Bali.
And there’s Queensland………….
While any mention of God seems silly in a document defining a nation of half-arsed sceptics it is worthy nothing that God probably made Queensland-it’s beautiful one day and perfect the next.
Why it is filled with dickheads remains a mystery.
Oh yes, and there is Canberra. Our nations bush capital.
In response to the planned city concept I’ll say ‘What the hell were they thinking’?
But seriously …………………….the less said the better.
Highways, whose treacherous twists and turns kill more of us each year than murderers, unite us, the citizens of Oz.
We are united in our lust for international recognition.
Not that we are winging: we leave that to our Pommy immigrants.
We want to make, ‘no worries mate’ our national phrase, ‘she’ll be right mate’, our national attitude and ‘Waltzing Matilda’ our national anthem (so what if it is about a sheep stealing crim who commits suicide)?
We love sport so much our newsreaders can read the death toll from a sailing race and still tell us who is winning.
And we are the best in the world at all the sports that count, like cricket, netball, rugby, AFL, roo-shooting, two up and horse racing. We also have the biggest rock: the tastiest pies, even if we do have pie floaters, the blackest aborigines and worst dressed Olympians in the known universe.
We shoot, we root, we vote. We are girt by sea and pissed by lunch- time.
Even though we might seem a racist, closed minded, sport obsessed little people, at least we feel better for it.
I AM YOU ARE WE ARE AUSTRALIAN
Happy daze John in Oz.
Life is too short to blend in.
John Strange R737787
World Traveller
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8th October 2020, 05:33 AM
#2
Re: This is us
Think this is a repeat of one you posted before John!
Too many Red Wines mate!
Cheers
Very similar is it not !
https://www.merchant-navy.net/forum/...76=#post351052
Last edited by Doc Vernon; 8th October 2020 at 06:16 AM.
Senior Site Moderator-Member and Friend of this Website
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