Subject: Fwd: Thoughts.

[Charlie Hannah]

Subject: Fwd: Thoughts.






.. If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.


.. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, but is still fat.


.. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years, while


.. A tortoise doesn't run and does mostly nothing, yet it lives for 150
years.


And you tell me to exercise?? I don't think so.


Just grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good
fortune to remember the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.


Now that I'm older here's what I've discovered:


1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.


2. My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and all-bran.


3. I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.


4. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.


5. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.


6. If all is not lost, then where the heck is it?


7. It was a whole lot easier to get older, than to get wiser.


8. Some days, you're the top dog; some days you're the lamp post.


9. I wish the buck really did stop here; I sure could use a few of them.


10. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.


11. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.


12. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.


13. The world only beats a path to your door when you're in the bathroom.


14. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he'd have put them on my knees.


15. When I'm finally holding all the right cards, everyone wants to play
chess.


16. Its not hard to meet expenses . . . they're everywhere.


17. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.


18. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter . . .I
go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I'm "here after".


19. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.


20. HAVE I SENT THIS MESSAGE TO YOU BEFORE..........??????

Probably!

[Charlie Hannah]

Global Warming - Sound the alarm When?????












The Arctic Ocean is warming up, icebergs are growing scarcer and in some places the seals are finding the water too hot, according to a report to the Commerce Department yesterday from Consulate, at Bergen, Norway
Reports from fishermen, seal hunters and explorers all point to a radical change in climate conditions and hitherto unheard-of temperatures in the Arctic zone. Exploration expeditions report that scarcely any ice has been met as far north as 81 degrees 29 minutes.
Soundings to a depth of 3,100 meters showed the gulf stream still very warm. Great masses of ice have been replaced by moraines of earth and stones, the report continued, while at many points well known glaciers have entirely disappeared.
Very few seals and no white fish are found in the eastern Arctic, while vast shoals of herring and smelts which have never before ventured so far north, are being encountered in the old seal fishing grounds. Within a few years it is predicted that due to the ice melt the sea will rise and make most coastal cities uninhabitable.
This is believed to be caused by the emissions from Fords Model T automobile.
* * * * * * * * *
I must apologize. I neglected to mention that this report was from November 2, 1922, as reported by the AP and published in The Washington Post - 93 years ago.

[Charlie Hannah]

This is the story of the poor blonde flying in a two-seater airplane with just the pilot. He has a heart attack and dies. She, frantic, calls out a May Day.

May Day! May Day! Help me! Help me! My pilot had a heart attack and is dead.
I don't know how to fly. Help me! Please help me!"

She hears a voice over the radio saying:
"This is Air Traffic Control and I have you loud and clear. I will talk you through this and Get you back on the ground. I've had a lot of experience with this kind of problem.
'Now, just take a deep breath. Everything will be fine! Now give me your height and position." She says, "I'm 5'4" and I'm in the front seat."

"O.K." says the voice on the radio...."Repeat after me:

Our Father. . Who art in Heaven. .. "

- - - Updated - - -

80 YEAR OLD'S PHYSICAL
An 80 year old man goes for a physical. All of his tests come back with normal results.
The doctor says, "Ron, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally?
Are you at peace with God?"
Ron replies, "God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He's fixed it so when I get up
in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on.
When I'm done, poof! The light goes off."
"Wow, that's incredible," the doctor says.
A little later in the day, the doctor calls Ron's wife. "Penny," he says, "Ron is doing fine! But I had to call you because I'm in awe of
his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night, and poof! the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he's done,
poof! the light goes Off
"Oh sweet Jesus!", exclaims Penny. "He's p*****' in the refrigerator again!

[Des Taff Jenkins]

Hi Charlie.
Thanks mate you just made my day. I'll be laughing all night.
Cheers Des

[happy daze john in oz]

A big laugh re global warming. The climate change experts here, remembering that an ex is a has been anda spurt a drip under pressure, teold us at the weekend that last year was the warmest on record for Oz. Records that go back to 1880, that is an astonishing 136 years. Unfortunately there were no records kept by the Aborigines so no idea what occurred prior to that date.

[Ivan Cloherty]

. Unfortunately there were no records kept by the Aborigines so no idea what occurred prior to that date.

Keep looking, they'll be in a cave somewhere