Virtual Ship

[Dennis McGuckin]

The bells, the bells, be telling us all ater that Quasimodo is on board. You may not know him but his face will ring a bell. Den you must stop leaving the top off the boittle, the fumes are getting into the air conditioning and half the crew are all over the place like a mad womans knickers. Vernon has fallen asleep on the job, and mike cant even get a job, Alf is going round in circles, and Taffy just flew off the handle of his broom. Mate we are in deep sh one T.

Now then John. You know me better than that. There are no fumes left in the bottle when i'm finnished with it. If there was I would rinse them with water to add to the crew issue!!
Den.

[Tommy Golling]

Ahoy! There mike, sound's like a good idea haven't been to sea for a few year's so i.m up for the trip why be the galley boy when you can be the oldman??? I could do with a nice run up to singapore.where doe's the shipmate sign on.hope the beer's good in tilbury.

[Michael Lawrence]

Ahoy! There mike, sound's like a good idea haven't been to sea for a few year's so i.m up for the trip why be the galley boy when you can be the oldman??? I could do with a nice run up to singapore.where doe's the shipmate sign on.hope the beer's good in tilbury.

Hey up Tommy. Join us where you like. The galley boy's got the best job. Responsible for nothing except seeing Den the Cook,2nd/cook,bottlewasher and general dogsbody is operating OK. Also keep and an eye on those fly Welshmen who are witches hence the broomsticks. Purser Vernon who is usually skulking around looking for young females, Dazy John who I'm buggered if I know what his job is. The 'Old Man' who is Gulliver (he's also 1st,2nd,3rd mates and does a bit of wheel work. Alf who keeps us all in a spin as he doesn't know his port from staRBOARD, Percol is in the engine room as chief/2nd/3rd and donkeyman. Mike (the ugly one) is running around with the 'Duster'. George is on gangway duty as no one has told him we're at sea. The Leith Scot is trying to take over the manufacture of 'Eight Bells' (a better drop of 'Four Bells') and wants to add peaty water to it. The rest of the buggers are winging aqway somewhere. So welcome aboard grab a berth and get to work. Oh yeah be careful of Den's tabnabs. Mike

[Gulliver]

Ar,Mike and All me Hearties Tis me your old Pilot Gulliver.Got us here on m.v.VIRTUALITY our new recruit.A lovely lass I espy with my rheumy(rummy? old eyes.One of them new-fangled Female Apprentices-name of Les B.Anne-comes from good seafaring stock-aye,her old mother was Mate on one of them there Dykes Lines jobs. She'll be running our old Virtual Vessel-I'll be in my cabin,ar! accounting our supply of 8 Bells(doubles of 4 Bells it be)-and so satisfying.

Take care of my 'portable steam radar' lads.And my trusty Esso roadmap is now corrected to 1st april 1968-so we'll be O.K.

Till we sail,me laddies I'll be in 'Ye Olde faggott and Firkin'.

Ah-it be that old Nightmare I be havin' again.(below)

Gulliver

[Michael Lawrence]

Ar,Mike and All me Hearties Tis me your old Pilot Gulliver.Got us here on m.v.VIRTUALITY our new recruit.A lovely lass I espy with my rheumy(rummy? old eyes.One of them new-fangled Female Apprentices-name of Les B.Anne-comes from good seafaring stock-aye,her old mother was Mate on one of them there Dykes Lines jobs. She'll be running our old Virtual Vessel-I'll be in my cabin,ar! accounting our supply of 8 Bells(doubles of 4 Bells it be)-and so satisfying.

Take care of my 'portable steam radar' lads.And my trusty Esso roadmap is now corrected to 1st april 1968-so we'll be O.K.

Till we sail,me laddies I'll be in 'Ye Olde faggott and Firkin'.

Ah-it be that old Nightmare I be havin' again.(below)

Gulliver

I'm a bit worried about Gulliver. I can understand 'Sparkies' talking to themselves but not Captains. I mean we're heading round the world with this bloke in charge on the bridge, with his Esso map and steam radar. Also he has a la(ss)d up there called Les B Anne which you must admit makes one wonder if he's into pantyhose. What has he done with Alf or has the Mother from Dykes Lines got him in a Nelson. Vernon is keeping very quiet on the subject has he been flogging out of date stores again. Dazy John is somewhere between the for'cstle head and the aft end lashing up with any 8 B he can get hold of.
If this Les B Anne is wearing bell bottoms then we know where George is and I bet the wicked Welsh are there to. Had no info on what Tommy is signing on as but maybe Vernon can squeeze him in as a winger.
Den is still knocking 'em out in the galley but what can you exoect with tabnabs like his. Give 'em a good soaking Den boy. Frank from Leith must still be on his Golden Wedding trip as theres be no try of a take over. So laddies me I'll get my head down in the galley and peel a few spuds and carrots to go with the seapie Vindi style. Mike

[Gulliver]

Ar! Mikie-do ye wonder why I talk to myself-'tis because when the going gets tough-they all runs and hides
leaving me to take the flak.But don't you be worrying,My trusty female cadet will soon be flushing them out
of their fleapits,hidey-holes and pubs.
That George be lost in the forums looking for bell-bottoms,no doubt. Well she don,t wear them things says Cadet Les.B.Anne.,who also be a-looking for her.
Good to hear from ye Mike
(So.'till sailing comes......................... tis Tabnabs from Me and Victory V from She!

Ar! Me recurring Nightmare,again! Lord Help Us!


(Back to Writing another 'Mills and Boon' for Barbara,I think)

[Colin Hawken]

Now then Taffy the eye, no relation to that well known Castle skipper Swivel eye Lloyd. He could see more out of that than any of us with two.

You knew Swiveleye then? He was Chief Mate in the Stirling Castle when I knew him.

[happy daze john in oz]

You knew Swiveleye then? He was Chief Mate in the Stirling Castle when I knew him.

He was skipper when I knew him, and he hada brother Logger Lloyd. Noiw he would be handy just now as he could log our journey, though that was not the kind of logging he was known for. Nothing less than two days pay at a time, so no good him logging Vernon, he dont earn that sort of money on this voyage. Have heard a whisper that Gulliver is getting an updated Esso map, 1936 version, might help us???????????????????

[Geoff Anderson]

He was skipper when I knew him, and he hada brother Logger Lloyd. Noiw he would be handy just now as he could log our journey, though that was not the kind of logging he was known for. Nothing less than two days pay at a time, so no good him logging Vernon, he dont earn that sort of money on this voyage. Have heard a whisper that Gulliver is getting an updated Esso map, 1936 version, might help us???????????????????

Hi All.
Its ok gulliver having an updated version of the esso road map, BUT can he read a map??.And does he know his latertude from his longitude, HE only seems able to find his way to the frigin duck for some watered down 8 bells. I bet he never checks to see if the seals been broken.
best wishes taffy1eye

[happy daze john in oz]

Lads, the news gets worse, that new Esso map is one for the Continent, written in Spanish. But wait, that might not be bad, we might find our way to Doris bar. But if we do who will be steering, Alf will be the first one ashore there.