Virtual Ship

[Michael Lawrence]

Listen Dennis you leave the Cadbury's alone. Next thin g you'll be wanting Fry's Fiveboys

[Chris Allman]

Ah right, no I mean left, no I mean port or is it starboard, one ring to port and two rings to starboard or is it one ring to starboard and two rings to port, oh I don't know wish I had never done a trip with blue flue . I tell you what, can we have flashing indicators fitted before we go for the night time and I can stick my arm out from the bridge wing when its daylight, yeah that will do. Right a quick snifter before leaving, glad I bought this new 2 pint hip flask.

[Les Woodard]

Chris would that be looking towards the pointy end or the blunt end? Do not forget that we now have to fill in those risk assessments. As if we have not had to suffer enough risks every time we sit down to the feed bag. At least a break on number five will help as we can always nibble on the tarps (probably more fibre in them than the tab nabs).

[Chris Allman]

I think its looking towards the pointy end Les, or is it towards the blunt end, better have a risk assessment done for both ends, must be in triplicate in case we lose two. We better have a risk assessment done of the crew too, just in case we get someone who may be a hard worker.

[Terry Wilcox]

Hi All. JusWe heret to let you all know that Den and I are still around, and watching what you are saying. We hear quite a lot of gossip from the Welsh Whitches. Well I am off to try and find Den again as I have done my watch and now want to pop a can of Lager. Den has just finished a bottle of Rum ( Bless, it will help him sleep ) Take care........ Terry

[Les Woodard]

Well I have been given my first problem on board and as I am only basicly a day old chic with this crew I thought I had better run it up the flag pole and see what happens. I was asked to climb the mast to erect an ariel so that sparks can tune in his cats whisker to see if he can get any AA road reports for our forthcoming trip. Now are we to have a tool box meeting over this because I have been told that I can not just climb up there without a safety harness, safety helmet, safety glasses and gloves. Not to mention being fully clothed in disposable overalls to prevent pollution from the galley outlet because of the toxic content of the mixture of eucylptus oil and Roo fat. That does not worry me that much but can anyone tell me if I can get drunk from the fumes of Dens Rum tab nabs (Oh that is right there is no rum in them). Now the problem is how do I get the safety hareness rigged before I can use it without going up there to do it without the harness? On another note are those old blow up dolls still on board or have they gone down once to often?

[Red Lead Ted]

Thats what you signed on for m8 you have been given a task know one on the bridge gives a hoot how you do it or what tack you need just get the job done. Because the Sparks ain't gonna do it........ Why bark yourself when you are feeding a dog ? LMAO, While your in the mood for going aloft there also is a little matter of two new navigation bulbs for the fore and aft topmast {DONT FORGET THE PLIERS YOU WONT UNSCREW THEM BY HAND}. Now what you going to get kitted out in you will end up looking like a spaceman in your H@S Helmet. Or should we do it the good old fashioned B.O.T. Way one hand for you and one hand for the ship. Before i sign i am insisting on one thing Know Italians on the bridge i want to pay off in the same gear i signed on with and dont intend being sent home in an envolope.

[Les Woodard]

I would like to do that RLT but on this ship we have to go to a tool box meeting unless they want to do as you said and give me the go ahead to do it the old BOT way. Not to worry I have found a mentor to teach me the right way to do things. I was sitting on number five when this geezer came out of midship accomodation with these huge sunglasses on that had rose tint around them and headed my way. He managed to trip over the topping lift and staggered towards the hatch I was sitting on. He must have been dazed as he asked me where he was. No 5 said I and he replied. So this is where it is. Anyway it seems he is going to teach me all about seamanship. Not to sure about him as I heard he is a angry sort of bloke in the morning because someone told me he is a cross dresser. I hope he is in a better mood later on as I want to ask him about the rock group he was in AC/DC so I am informed but he does not seem to know the songs they sang when I asked him. The stories he tells me of his experiences have many others here mesmerised until I found out that he also works ashore ghost writting kids fairy tale books. So could some one tell me is this bloke one of the crew on this illustrious ship or just a passenger as I do not want to upset him especially as he took all my wine gums and was heading amidships in a jolly swagger. Now where will I find that pair of pliers to get those bloody bulbs out with. Last I heard Les b Anne was using them to adjust her bra clips. Have I permission to go aloft without this tool box meeting seeing as we are still alongside.

[Red Lead Ted]

I would like to do that RLT but on this ship we have to go to a tool box meeting unless they want to do as you said and give me the go ahead to do it the old BOT way. Not to worry I have found a mentor to teach me the right way to do things. I was sitting on number five when this geezer came out of midship accomodation with these huge sunglasses on that had rose tint around them and headed my way. He managed to trip over the topping lift and staggered towards the hatch I was sitting on. He must have been dazed as he asked me where he was. No 5 said I and he replied. So this is where it is. Anyway it seems he is going to teach me all about seamanship. Not to sure about him as I heard he is a angry sort of bloke in the morning because someone told me he is a cross dresser. I hope he is in a better mood later on as I want to ask him about the rock group he was in AC/DC so I am informed but he does not seem to know the songs they sang when I asked him. The stories he tells me of his experiences have many others here mesmerised until I found out that he also works ashore ghost writting kids fairy tale books. So could some one tell me is this bloke one of the crew on this illustrious ship or just a passenger as I do not want to upset him especially as he took all my wine gums and was heading amidships in a jolly swagger. Now where will I find that pair of pliers to get those bloody bulbs out with. Last I heard Les b Anne was using them to adjust her bra clips. Have I permission to go aloft without this tool box meeting seeing as we are still alongside.

Go for it the good old B.O.T. Way Les because if you await for the scaffold to be erected she will never leave the dock. Can you imagine asking for scaffold aboard ship to paint the forepart. You would be paid off under the mental health act Terry.

[happy daze john in oz]

Now les we may have a problem, Vernon has taken the cat up north to trade with the locals, so no whiskers from this one. He hopes to get some witchery grubs, honey ants and maybe a couple of goanas, keep us going for a while. He has also got hold of a four slice toastyer, but says what shoul he then do with the rest of thge loaf?? Don't tempt me!!
As for the extra virgin olive oil, we are looking to sue under th etrades description act. Not even one in the bottle and certainly not an extra one.