The Spy Who Shoved Me....... Part I
It was late one afternoon in June, 1960, and the weather in Leningrad (St.Petersburg) was surprisingly warm. An E.D.H. on UBC's 'Baltic Express', with my cabin-mate Harry, I'd been invited by Phil, the 2nd Steward, to join him in his cabin for a few drinks. Phil, had a tape-recorder, and knowing of my love for jazz he, very kindly, offered to share some of his George Shearing tapes with me.
We had barely settled in for a session when suddenly in the open doorway of his cabin stood a young fair-haired woman. Not beautiful, but certainly attractive, she was dressed in a smart two-piece suit with pencil skirt. This was rounded off with nylons and a pair of high heels. We were a bit taken back. This was Russia and she didn't seem to fit the stereotype of Russian womanhood and besides what the blue blazes was she doing on 'our' ship? In almost flawless English she said, " Hello, my name is Irina, may I come in? There was a sudden frantic movement as I vacated Phil's only chair and plonked myself down next to Harry who was sitting on the bunk. Phil was sitting on the cushioned seat under the porthole. Ever the gentleman, with eyes squinting from the smoke drifting up from the cigarette in his mouth, Phil said," Sure, come on in, the more the merrier". Leaning forward he grabbed the ever present bottle of gin on his table," Can I offer you a drink?". She declined the drink but settled into the padded chair, crossing one shapely leg over the other. She asked our names and we told her. She had no trouble with Phil and Harry, but Roger seemed to come out sounding like "Rowja" with a slight accent. I didn't try and correct her, the way she said it sounded fine by me.
She began to tell us what she was doing on board and soon an insistent Phil, having convinced her to have a drink, poured her a large G & T. Apparently she was attached to the Russian Government Agency responsible for liaison with foreign vessels, but did not elaborate further than that. During the next 30 minutes she regaled us with stories of how good life was in Russia under a communist system and how much better it will be when the next 5 year plan came to fruition. Whilst swigging Phil's gin she continued in this vein. If it had not been for her shapely legs I think I would have drifted off, but like a trooper I hung in there.
Finally, realising that her attempts to 'brainwash' were not going to work, she turned the conversation round to us, wanting to know what we did on the ship, where we lived in the U.K. and what life there was like. She seemed to be getting warmer, friendlier and it seemed, a little tiddly to boot. Every now and then, laughing just a tad seductively even, so that I, a single man, began to think how exciting it would be to 'have-it-off' behind the Iron Curtain, any curtain, but preferably the one round Phil's bunk. I was sure the other two were having the very same thoughts, after all we were British seaman weren't we? Well, in your dreams sonny Jiim, it just wasn't going to happen.
Apparently, having exhausted her interest in us, she suddenly stood up and, as if by magic, became perfectly sober. "Thank you boys, it was nice but I must go". We felt jilted, and stared forlornly at her well-rounded bottom as it disappeared out the door. Irina had turned sharp left, presumably heading for her next port-of-call, the Officers accommodation. Sneaky Russian bitch, I thought, somewhat angrily. I realised that she had told us little about herself but had learned a great deal about us. Shipping agent, my ar-e. As an avid reader of spy stories at the time I immediately 'tagged' her as a KGB agent. Well, I knew a spy when I saw one, didn't I?
I was to speak to Irina several more times during that visit, but the conversation was always brief, "Hello, Irina", I would say. "'Hello Rowja", she'd reply, with that secret agent smile on her face. I wasn't sure, but suspected she knew I was on to her. Maybe, one day she'll get hers I thought and I hope it's me who gives it to her. If only she knew, hell hath no fury like a spurned sailor, especially if he comes from Britain.
Come forward three years to June, 1963, and I'm back in Leningrad and it's still warm, only difference being that I'm now on UBC's 'Baltic Merchant'. The 'Merchant' had been engaged on the Leningrad run for several years and was one of only two foreign vessels trading into Leningrad both summer and winter, when it was a world of ice, snow, ice-breakers and bitter cold. Alternately the ship operated from the ports of London and Hull, which explained the mixed crew of Yorkshiremen and men from London and the south. During the time I was on her, she was a 'happy' ship, but as was my habit in those days, I never stayed in one place too long. I was now married with a young wife and son and felt the need to spend an extended time with them every now and then. This was my 3rd or 4th trip and would be my last before I took a decent leave.
When I returned to Leningrad in March, I discovered that the mysterious Irina, she of the smiling face, was back on board every trip, still doing her social butterfly routine round the ship. Smartly dressed with a hint of the 'provocative' about her, she was still wearing her high heels in the guise of the Mata Hari of Leningrad Dockyard. One minute she'd be in deep conversation with two engineers, flicking her head back when she laughed, not that I noticed. Next minute she's in the Mate's cabin having coffee (don't fancy your chances there Mr.Mate, thought I with just a hint of jealousy), but I was on to her little game - if only I knew what it was !!!. When after three years absence she finally saw me, she said, with that same old secret agent smile on her face, "We've met before, haven't we?" "Yes, we have", I said and proceeded to remind her of when and where. "Of course, Rowja, how could I forget". This was rich, coming from her, she who had once spurned our lustful advances and drank all Phil's gin. She might have forgotten, but I hadn't....................TO BE CONTINUED.
PART TWO.....
Leningrad in 1963 was not the most welcoming city in the world, least of all for visitors from the West and that included merchant seamen. It was the height of the 'Cold War'. Only nine months previously the world had tottered on the brink of extinction as President Kennedy and Nikita Kruschev played high stakes poker in what became known as the 'Cuban Missile Crisis'. The Russians didn't trust the U.S., Britain or anyone else and the feeling was mutual.
Being in Leningrad made you feel uneasy. We had all heard the stories about Siberian Salt Mines, Gulags and Lubjanka prison. If the doo-doo hit the fan while we're stuck here it's goodnight Vienna I used to think. I always felt we should have been on danger money. It was understandable that most seamen in their off-duty hours chose not to leave the ship. There was no night-life one would normally expect in a city of over 4 million people, so any attraction for us just wasn't there. The only 'club' for the use of foreign seamen was the Inter-Club and unless you liked having a drink whilst seated in a mausoleum it wasn't an option. There were also two comparatively up-market hotels that foreigners were allowed to frequent, but these were cost prohibitive for most of us. It was a shame in a way, for those that dared venture outside the dockyard gates and beyond would have found a city with much to interest the visitor, as many present-day tourists have discovered. Right outside the dockyard gates they would also have found a thriving black-market which seemed to operate smoothly in spite of or, perhaps, because of the uniformed police and officials looking on.
A group of us on board had a common interest in football and sometimes during the mid-day break and in the evening we'd go down onto the dockside and kick a ball around. A few of the lads, like myself, had played regularly before joining the MN and were quite useful. The 2nd Steward, a rather slim, handsome lad, was a very good player. We had a lot of fun and there was much laughter. Even the armed guard standing in the shadows near the bottom of the gangway, smoking those awful Russian cigarettes, would sometimes laugh out loud at our antics.
Having just finished playing one lunchtime, I was walking aft when I heard my name called in a way known only to agents of the KGB. I turned and there she stood in yet another two-piece suit with tightish skirt and the usual heels. She must have cornered the world market on two-piece suits, it was all she ever seemed to wear. It would have been really nice to see her naked for a change, but I knew that was never going to happen. With her arms crossed in front of her, she raised a hand and beckoned me over. Adopting an air of indifference I sauntered towards her in my best Robert Mitchum fashion. "I've been watching you" she said, I bet you have, I thought. "It seems you boys like to play football. How would you like to play a real game?" I didn't believe it, was she asking me to go to bed with her?. 'What do you mean?" I asked. " How would you like to play a real match against the Leningrad Dockworkers?". As she said this she smiled, lowered her head slightly and raised her eyebrows, as if making an offer to a child to good to refuse. "Irina," I said, disappointed " Even if we could raise a team, we've no shirts, no shorts and no boots, all we have is one battered football". " Don't worry about anything Rowja, I can arrange everything. I told your First Officer and he thinks it's a good idea and so does Captain Knox". I had the distinct feeling that she and I were playing snooker and that she was playing me off a break. " I shall have to ask the others and then we'll see", I said. " Good, Rowja, You will like it, I'm sure it will be fun, but please let me know as soon as you can". She turned away from me and walked towards the accommodation amidships. I felt sure that well-rounded bottom of hers was swaying from side to side just a little bit more than usual. I could feel a familiar stirring in the nether regions which, thankfully, I was able to suppress. Behave man for heaven's sake, you're happily married. I knew I had a fertile imagination. I also knew I had 20-20 vision.
I discussed it with the others. They were very enthusiastic, thought it was a great idea and, yes, we would have enough for a full team. With some misgivings, I hurried off to find Mata Hari and give her the news. She seemed delighted. " I will arrange everything right away" she said, and trotted off towards the gangway.
An hour or so later she came and found me." Rowja, it's all arranged. You are going to play the dockworker's tomorrow afternoon at 3pm. It is only their Reserve team so don't worry", she said. (It was at that point the alarm bells started ringing). " The bus will come to take you to the stadium at 2pm. Now don't forget and make sure everyone is ready". Straight-faced, as a joke, I said to her, " This bus tomorrow, it is taking us to a stadium isn't it, not a Gulag ?". Just for a moment and for the first time since we'd met, her face was expressionless, her blue eyes staring, coldly, into mine. I allowed a slow grin to appear. Suddenly, her eyes narrowed and with that slight, delicious, overbite of hers clamped onto her bottom lip she pushed me playfully back against the bulkhead. It felt almost like an act of intimacy between us. She looked at me, smiled, and with a little laugh said, " Oh! Rowja, don't be silly. Remember! 2pm tomorrow", and then walked away treating me to another long look at her glorious derriere..........Bu--er the 'Cold War', I thought.
Later that afternoon, after the evening meal, the Baltic Merchant F.C. held their first and only meeting. By common agreement the 2nd Steward was named Captain and would play centre-forward. Positions were sorted out for everybody. I would play right-half and I drew comfort from learning that next to me at centre-half would be the 2nd mate, Mr.Forsythe, a formidable looking Scot. The position of goal-keeper went to Des, a likable greaser from Hull. Des was about 40 years old, suffered from migraine and was the shortest member of the crew, not necessarily the attributes one could wish for in a goalkeeper. For all that, he was surprisingly quick and agile and I knew that if anyone was to be found wanting on the morrow it wouldn't be Des. Only yesterday we'd all been impressed when during our evening session he'd brought off a brilliant save to prevent the ball from passing between two crates which were serving as the goal. Even the guard puffing away on his evil smelling cigarette, shouted something in Russian and applauded. Intrepid little fellow, Des, it hadn't seemed to occur to him that any miscalculation and he would have collided with the corner of the crate thus providing a permanent cure for his migraine. The lads all seemed confident which was good and although I too felt reasonably up-beat there was still something about it all that didn't seem right. I could see that Irina, my favourite spy, had somehow contrived the whole bloody thing. She the master puppeteer and we, poor sods, the puppets. I couldn't help feeling I'd been handled...... oh! well, it's probably just my imagination.....we'll find out tomorrow, won't we?, I thought, as I made my way aft to my cabin.
............................TO BE CONCLUDED.