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Thread: Missing royal navy life ?

  1. #1
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    Default Missing royal navy life ?

    1. Build a Shelf in the top of your wardrobe, fit a thin mattress and sleep on top of it.
    2. Remove the wardrobe door and replace it with a curtain that is too small.
    3. Wash your socks and underpants in the bathroom sink every night then hang them on the waterpipes to dry.
    4. Four hours after you have gone to bed, instruct your wife to whip open the curtain, shine a torch in your face and say "sorry mate , wrong pit ".
    5. When you have a shower, remember turn the water off when you soap.
    6. Every time there is a thunderstorm , sit in a wobbly rocking-chair and rock as hard as you can until violently sick.
    7. Put diesel oil into a humidifier and set it on high to achieve that wonderful ship aroma.
    8. Dont watch TV except for a movie at 2030. For added realism, have the family vote for which to watch and then select a different one.
    9. Leave a lawnmower running in the house to re-create correct noise levels.
    10. Have the postman or paperboy give you a haircut fortnightly.
    11. Once a week, blow compressed air up the chimney, ensure the soot is carried to your neighbours home. When he comes to complain, laugh in his face and say " Thats life in a blue suit mate ".
    12. Buy a rubbish compactor, but use it only once a week, storing all your rubbish in the shower cubicle.
    13. Wake up at midnight each night and make a sandwich out of anything you can find.
    14. Have a fridge in your home specifically for beer , put a lock on it and give the key to the local policeman.
    15. Keep spare keys for above and empty it every lunchtime.
    16. Devise your family menu a week in advance without looking in the fridge or freezer.
    17. Once a month take apart every household appliance, then reassemble them.
    18. Use 4 spoonfuls of coffee per cup and wait 3 hours before drinking it.
    19. Invite 40 people you dont like , to stay in your house for a couple of months.
    20. Install a small fluorescent strip light under your coffee table the lie underneath it to read a book.
    21. Raise the thresholds and lower the top sills of all the doors in your house , so as you will either bang your head or skin your shins every time you pass through them.'
    22. When baking a cake, prop one side of the cake tin against the side of the oven and when it has cooled, spread icing thickly on lower side to even it out.
    23. Every so often throw one of the kids in the bath and scream " Man overboard ! " Sling in a sponge with a flag on it, then run into the kitchen sweep all the pots and pans onto the floor and yell at your wife for not securing for sea.
    24. Get your wife and kids to clean their rooms every evening, and at 1900 wander around the house with the local policeman.
    25. Name your favourite shoes " Steaming Bats " then get the kids to hide them round the house.
    26. Lie on your bed, or sofa, and fart for absolutely no reason.
    27. Insist on going to the local post office for your mail and get them to phone you when ready for collection.
    28. On Saturday morning walk round the house whistling loudly and insist everyone you pass stands to attention.
    29. Paint the outside of the house battleship grey and put the number on the wall in big black letters.
    30. Put windows and a bloody big wheel in your loft.
    31. Every thursday at 0500 , run round the house yelling " Hands to Action Stations".
    32. Roll up a soft porn magazine and stick it behind the cistern in the toilet , so that all your visitors can read it.
    33. When your family demands more food , yell back at them " What do you expect for 39p per day ,per man.


    This could have been titled R.N. Nostalgia but as it was giving to me by ex naval personel didnt want to change the wording , The Navy had apparently similar gripes as the MN . As usual every first thursday of the month I sit there drinking my beer as fast as possible within the happy hour period , with never a word of complaint .
    Cheers JS.
    Last edited by j.sabourn; 4th June 2021 at 08:45 AM.
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    Default Re: Missing royal navy life ?

    Hi JWS,
    I was going to join RN as an artificer but when I saw the living accomodation, that put paid to going to sea with the RN.

    Regards from,
    Fouro.

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    Default Re: Missing royal navy life ?

    #2 Articifer or Artificer Fouro ? They are two different words with 2 different meanings . I always forget which is which , getting too lazy now to worry about it , will be in the dictionary I suppose. Think I said the leader of the pack here and collects the dollars for the tarpaulin muster started his sea career in the well known oft discussed training ship on here , but was 2 years before Des , he then left the MN and joined the RN , but they made him an artificer ( hope have picked the right one ) and stuck him in the fleet air arm. However we even have ex wrens in the group. A recent arrival the same as me him and his wife both ex RN .He was on one of the naval party ships at the Falklands do. So knows a bit how merchant ships are run . Cheers JS
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    Default Re: Missing royal navy life ?

    Quote Originally Posted by Fouro View Post
    Hi JWS,
    I was going to join RN as an artificer but when I saw the living accomodation, that put paid to going to sea with the RN.

    Regards from,
    Fouro.
    It was the pictures of walking round in a nice white boiler suit with a clipboard that swung it for me, strange, I never did find them, unless they had better dhobi dust when washing that kit for the photos.

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    Default Re: Missing royal navy life ?

    We were in Mauritius and meet up with some RN guys from one their survey ships.
    We invited them back fo a few jars.
    They were impressed by the standard of the accommodation.
    We showed them one of our cabins, we are asked how many slept in one cabin.
    They couldn't belive that only person shared the cabin, they said one cabin was equivilant one of their messes, cant'rember how many to a mess.
    Vic
    Last edited by vic mcclymont; 4th June 2021 at 09:01 PM.

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    Default Re: Missing royal navy life ?

    One had visions of the Sub Mariner, but after looking at a visiting Sub that was in Cape Town many Yeas ago, the thought of that soon passed me by!
    Talk of sleeping Quaters! Gees you had to be a contortionist to get in them Bunks! And watch you head as you went !! Eeeeeeek!
    Last edited by Doc Vernon; 4th June 2021 at 09:27 PM.
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    Default Re: Missing royal navy life ?

    Doc, after my apprenticeship was completed, I went to work for Scotts' of Greenock, ended up in the Admiralty drawing office.
    Was taken onboard one of the subs fitting out, asked, what ar these planks for, answer, they are not planks but bunks. If you turned over you would have fell out.
    Vic

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    Default Re: Missing royal navy life ?

    Vic mate the one i went on was a French Sub and Wow! as said did i get a shock, i honestly dont know how those Guys managed to live aboard with that sort of accommodation! More like a Sardine Can! With no Opener either! LOL
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    Default Re: Missing royal navy life ?

    Was usual in the RN on any submarine on foreign engagements such as showing the flag, as I was told in foreign ports were always accommodated in hotels ashore , those kept on board were the duty watchkeepers. in naval ports they lived on the depot ship. We at times. Worked with HMS Bonnington , Prince Charles”s Old minehunter , this was after he left her. However I was onboard her a few times and for so called modern ships they to were very cramped . Warships were never built for comfort , probably as another reason why their casualty list was always long when they were hit was the large amount of crew they also carried. JS
    Last edited by j.sabourn; 5th June 2021 at 01:29 AM.
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    Default Re: Missing royal navy life ?

    Bill Morrison , Bill were you in Seaforth Maritime when they were talking about putting in an offer for the Ark Royal ? Their Idea was to convert her to use as an accomodation ship for the North Sea using short winged aircraft to take workers out to , and then flying to various rigs and platforms as required. Never came to fruition as don’t think it gained enough support from the oil company’s . Instead they went to the wall . Sounds like the sublime to the ridiculous doesn’t it ? JS
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