Naval Funny

[Bill Cameron]

A Royal Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference that included Admirals from the English, U..S. , Canadian, Australian and French Navies.. At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a large group of Officers that included personnel from most of those countries. Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks but a French admiral suddenly complained that, whereas Europeans learn many languages, the English learn only English. He then asked, 'Why is it that we always have to speak English in these conferences rather than speaking French?'
Without hesitating, the British Admiral replied,

'Maybe it's because the Brit's, Canadians, Aussie's, Kiwi's and Americans arranged it so you wouldn't have to speak German.'

You could have heard a pin drop

[Braid Anderson]

Good one Bill. I'm glad that admiral in the 'English' navy turned out to be British!

[Braid Anderson]

Reminded me of something from one of my as-yet-unpublished books in the 'Flag' series. Can't ask you to buy an unpublished book, can I? Army Funny?
Flag strolled into the Sergeants' Mess on Saturday morning.
"Good morning fellow sergeants, how are we all today?"
"Bloody hell" said Paddy, "here we go again, the sergeant with the rub-on-and-off stripes is back. Are you a member here?"
"Paid a year's dues nearly two years ago, and been a sergeant less than six months total, does that count?"
"Sure, sure, so who's arguing. Have a beer on my tab while we find yours, Sergeant McAndrew."
"Hey, is that a sleeve or not Paddy?" asked Flag, brandishing the left one.
"All that's missing is some good conduct stripes, I wonder why?" said Paddy. "I presume from looking at you that your interview with the General went well. Give him some good sound military advice did you? Christ, in sixteen years I've never even said hello to a General - or borrowed his helicopter!"
"I'll be a civilian in six weeks Paddy me boyoh, just as long as I keep my nose clean after turning up late on parade at the School of Artillery on Monday morning."
"Beg your pardon, could you just run that one past me again a bit slower?"
Flag explained the arrangements for his discharge. Paddy stared at him, then gazed into his beer, slowly shaking his head.
"I've no idea what's become of this man's army. And he's one of the best Generals we've got. Talk is he'll be the Chief of Staff soon. Why the HELL didn't you take that bloody Commission when you had the chance? Would have saved yourself and a lot of other people a heap of grief and trouble. If it's any use to you, I thought from the start you would have made a damned sight
better officer than some of the ones we've got now." He glanced round the bar. "Are you going to report me for saying that Sergeant Jenkins?"
"Sure I am, straight to your mate's mate the General" answered Taffy with a grin. "Mind if I join you? Maybe some of the McAndrew charisma will rub off on me while he's looking the other way. It took me seven years to make sergeant the first time, and he's been a sergeant what - six times already, or is it seven, or eight?"
"So who's counting?" asked Flag. Taffy looked round the bar before commenting. "Believe it or not, there are still some ignorant foreigners who call this the ENGLISH army, so where is he?"
"Behind the bar" said Flag. The barman was currently the only Englishman in the place. There were two Welsh, two Irish and a Scotsman. Then Sergeant-major Chalky White walked in and made it two of each.
"Have a beer on me Sergeant-major?" called Flag.
"Bloody Hell, it's back. The bad penny aye turns up!"
"Is that any way to greet a new colleague?" asked Flag.
"New, auld, new, auld, who the hell kens ony mair. Yes, I'll have a beer on your tab, never refuse a freebee. Jist a minute, have ye got a tab?" Chalky looked round suspiciously at the barman, suspecting a trap.
"I've just found it Sergeant-major."
"Right, put my beer doon first, and pull it fast, afore the disappearin' sergeant does his famous party trick again!"
The barman smiled at Sergeant McAndrew while pulling the beer. He was one of many people in this Battery with a lot of respect for Flag McAndrew, whatever rank he might hold. He had overheard Paddy's remark about officers, and added his own quiet 'hear, hear.' It would be a bloody shame for the army to lose him. They should have more like him instead of less. Terry Yates shrugged his shoulders, and wiped a glass, while thinking Bloody stupid gits they are. The Army will never learn how to handle smart people in my lifetime.