Pam Ayers

[Keith Tindell]

Myself and the wife went up to the local theatre last night to see a performance by Pam Ayers, she is one funny lady, she was on the stage for 2 hrs, and had the audience in stitches. there is nothing posh about her, a very ordinary talented lady. told many tales on her performances in Australia, and loves the place.Last performed here in Shanklin 10 years ago.

[John Pruden]

sorry her voice is like nails on a blackboard? jp

[Keith Tindell]

Well we all have likes and dislikes John, you only have to talk politics and we are all divided, as long as i can laugh, which i did last night, makes you feel good.

[Keith Tindell]

Talking of lies and dislikes, the one that i really cannot stand, is micheal McIntyre , he prances up and down on the stage, shaking his head, and i cannot reach the TV remotes quick enough, I'd sooner watch Ballet than watch him.

[Bill Morrison]

My other half has a book of her poems, I can find it at the moment, will look for it later.
Bill.

[John Pruden]

Well we all have likes and dislikes John, you only have to talk politics and we are all divided, as long as i can laugh, which i did last night, makes you feel good.

very true keith.jp

[James Curry]

#4 Keith I can understand what you mean about Michael McIntyre he gets on my nerves never made me laugh yet. He must be pi-sed off now that Peter Kay has reappeared again is pulling the fans in to sold out venues all over the country, now he is one funny man.

[Keith Tindell]

Now he is a comedian, we watched the show where he was in the car share with the women, really funny.

[Marian Gray]

#1, There have been several posts on Pam Ayres over the years Keith but could only find these three in the search facility. Don't know how to transferthe link. So copied below. I think she is superb myself

From from JWS in 2014: ''Satnav'' Attributed to Pam though have since found out is actually is by Bill Daniel of Chichester, West Sussex.

''I have a little Satnav, it sits there in my car. A Satnav is a driver's friend it tells you where you are. I have a little Satnav, i've had it all my life. It's better than the normal ones, my Satnav is my wife.
It gives me full instructions, especially how to drive "It's thirty miles an hour", it says, "You're doing thirty five". It tells me when to stop and start, and when to use the brake And tells me that it's never ever, safe to overtake.
It tells me when a light is red, and when it goes to green It seems to know instinctively, just when to intervene. It lists the vehicles just in front, and all those to the rear. And taking this into account, it specifies my gear.
I'm sure no other driver, has so helpful a device. For when we leave and lock the car, it still gives its advice. It fills me up with counselling, each journey's pretty fraught. So why don't I exchange it, and get a quieter sort?
Ah well, you see, it cleans the house, makes sure I'm properly fed. It washes all my shirts and things, and keeps me warm in bed!
Despite all these advantages, and my tendency to scoff, I only wish that now and then, I could turn the darn off.''


One submitted by John Sutton 2015: Pam Ayres

''The missus bought a Paperback,
down Shepton Mallet way,
I had a look inside her bag;
T'was "Fifty Shades of Grey".

Well, I just left her to it,
And at ten I went to bed.
An hour later she appeared;
The sight filled me with dread...

In her left she held a rope;
And in her right a whip!
She threw them down upon the floor,
And then began to strip.

Well fifty years or so ago;
I might have had a peek;
But Mabel hasn't weathered well;
She's eighty four next week!!

Watching Mabel bump and grind;
Could not have been much grimmer.
And then things went from bad to worse;
She toppled off her Zimmer!

She struggled back upon her feet;
A couple minutes later;
She put her teeth back in and said
"I am a dominater"!!

Now if you knew our Mabel,
You'd see just why I spluttered,
I'd spent two months in traction
For the last complaint I'd uttered.

She stood there nude and naked
Bent forward just a bit
I went to hold her, sensual like
and stood on her left tit!

Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out;
My god what had I done!?
She moaned and groaned then shouted out:
"Step on the other one"!!

Well readers, I can't tell no more;
'bout what occurred that day.
Suffice to say my jet black hair
Turned fifty shades of grey.''


My post 2015: Pam Ayres - Pam Ayres - ''They Should Have Asked My Husband''
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4oydSZTAns

[Bill Morrison]

Hi Keith. I have found the copy of Pam Ayres poetry. It's from 1976, strange she is now 76 years. Some of it is not PC in the modern era, but neither am I still a good read.
Bill.