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Thread: Memories of NZ and Aus

  1. #1
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    Default Memories of NZ and Aus

    It my dotage I was just thinking how the world has changed. I lived in NZ for 8 years until I was 23 and knew a few girls and seaman as I was nursing. I also knew a lot who had children. Now that we think so differently I just wondered if anyone had realised they have a child and made contact. Now we would blink an eye, they it was so hard. So hard for the girls too, no social security to help them. Only wondered because one of my friends who has five children had such a child and she kept in touch with the father and he died recently in Uk and she was going with her child to see him, unfortunately he died before she could.

    I married a second engineer who died from asbestos cancer after forty years of marriage. We have children. My daughter cannot have children as she had brain cancer at 24 and she is still here and she will be forty this year. However the treatment took away her change of having children. My son is married not sure if they will eventually, and I may be dead, have children. So its close to my heart. I just think it would be nice for anyone to catch up with a child who is now probably a parent.

    Most posts I see from ex seaman say oh goodness hope they contact me or such, you know that is sad because so much happiness can be gained. Just my spin on it. We all had fun and it would be nice to know for the women if their child could know their dad.

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    Default Re: Memories of NZ and Aus

    Hi Susan
    Nice post and yes indeed just how many out there are the Father of some Children who have never seen him it must be so hard and Heart Breaking to grow up not knowing about your Dad.
    I must admit i was one of these but in those days we were all wild Lads and out mainly for fun,yes again i know what your answer would be to that,but you must also agree that as the old saying goes it took two to tango!
    Now i certainly am not putting your post down,as i said i was one such Guy,and Today at nearly 80 i am so sorry for the errors i had made in my life which i know now can never be fixed.
    However one good Story is that of my one Daughter that i lost track of some 40 Years on,and through the Power of the Internet i was Oh so lucky to find her be it through a good old Friend (sadly now passed on) .it was such an emotional re-union and the first contact by Phone from here in Aussie to the UK was such a lovely thing that happened.
    It was only 3 weeks later that i made the Flight there to meet up with her and her Family.
    A wonderful meeting and found out i also had another two Grand Children plus a great Son in Law.
    A wonderful meeting and a nice Xmas and New Year spent with them in the UK. A full six weeks and all of us were so elated,
    Since then we Email and Phone on regular basis and they came here two Years ago on a Holiday as well,that was such a greta time .
    My present Wife and Children got on so well with then as well,which made the Re Union of all such a great thing!
    So in a small way i have sort of made some amendment in my life !
    I only wish that i could do more!
    But again as they say Thats Life!
    Cheers
    Senior Site Moderator-Member and Friend of this Website

    R697530

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    Default Re: Memories of NZ and Aus

    Hello Susan,
    You stirred a few emotions with your post as I KNOW I have a daughter ( and possibly grandchildren by now) by a girl who, at the time, used the name of Betty Barker. I was told about the daughter by one of the girls on a laters trip on a later ship. Many of the girls used false names to save their choices getting back to their parents. If any of the girls still alive know, or knew, Betty ( or whatever her name was, I would appreciate them passing my details to her.
    The ship was the Middlesex and it was her final voyage. Betty and I stayed together the whole time she was on the Kiwi coast. I was second-cook/baker on there and was in the process of getting a divorce from my (ex ?) wife in U.K. My name is Rob Stafford and I wish I had known then what I know now *smile*.
    I keep looking at your number Dpc and can't help thinking we must have met somewhere along the lanes.

    Regards,
    Rob ( 698831)

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    Default Re: Memories of NZ and Aus

    I agree with much of what has been written on this rather sad topic as it would have been so much better if the father of any child would have been able to do more for both mother and child following the 'event'. However, as many years have passed since contact has been made between the father and any child, who will now be an adult, I suggest some caution would be appropriate in establishing a relationship with the 'child' or its 'mum' at this late stage. One of the reasons for this is that there may be a possible inheritance claim on the father's estate after he's passed away. This could make life very complicated for his 'current' family and anyone else who is a beneficiary of the deceased's will and could also result in expensive litigation and huge delays in distributing the contents of the estate concerned. There is also the matter of establishing proof that the 'child' really is that of the man concerned. No doubt there are some girls who would 'try it on' in order to obtain some financial gain either for themselves or their child. As one writer to this thread said "It takes two to tango" and some girls may well have had numerous 'partners' and the real father may be unknown. Even though the girl believes it to be the man in question it may not be the case. Of course, a DNA test may well help but are these always 100% accurate? Not everyone is willing to go through with this test in any case - especially if one is trying to protect their estate from claims outside the immediate 'current' family. One also has to consider the emotional effects that the 'current' family might feel when they discover that 'dad' has another (or more than one) child by another 'mum'. Would the current wife feel threatened by an earlier 'mum' and her child suddenly ' knocking on the door', metaphorically if not actually, declaring that their offspring is the product of the 'current' wife's husband? One could also imagine that there could be a case where the man could even leave the 'current' wife and go back to the girl and child whom he knew all those years ago. Sad though it may be, after many years have passed since the 'event', it could be better to 'let sleeping dogs lie' rather than 'rock the boat' - even though it may mean ignoring, if at all possible, any communication from the 'mum' or 'child' of a previous relationship, which I realise may be difficult in more ways than one. This may seem hard-hearted but the road to righteousness is never likely to be easy and whatever has been done is done and nothing can change that - but it may well be best consigned to the history book of one's life.

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  6. #5
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    Default Re: Memories of NZ and Aus

    My father was in Gibraltar for most of the war and I was born in the middle of it.
    Up to the age of 18 I can only recall seeing him once and that was the day I was put in a Rolls Royce of his commanding officer while he and mum were in the divorce court.

    I did see him again on three occasions, at the age of 18 in a Victoria hotel restaurant, at about 23 at the Guinness brewery where he was the manager, then at the tender age of 25 just before my wife was married.

    He died in 1979 and I only found out 6 months later from a brewery rep.
    Mum remarried and my step farther became my dad.
    I now realize any man can become a father, but it takes a special one to be a dad.
    Happy daze John in Oz.

    Life is too short to blend in.

    John Strange R737787
    World Traveller

  7. Thanks Mike Hall thanked for this post
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