Advice to The Betrophed.

[j.sabourn]

Clearing out drawers came across the following and can only think it was the speech my best man made from his own experiences, as dated January 1962. The title is my own but are his experiences trying to warn me I suppose , so will pass on to all those young couples reaching for the stars.

To My Everloving Wife. During the past year I have attempted to seduce you 360 times. I have succeeded 36 times . This averages once every 10 days, and the following is a list of why I did not succeed.
1. We’ll waken the children………..7 times.
2. It’s too cold…………………………… 3 times
3. Too late……………………………………16 times
4. Pretended to be asleep…………..33 times
5. Back ache…"…………………………….16 times
6. You did it last night………………….10 times
7. Head ache…………………………………..6 times
8. Baby crying……………………………….14 times
9. Too drunk…………………………………..14 times
10. Grease on face…………………………..7 times
11. Mind my hair…………………………….23 times
12 Too hot……………………………………….15 times
13. Too tired…………………………………….19 times
14. Too early………………………………………9 times
15. Windows open neighbours might hear..3 times
16. Toothache…………………………………….2 times
17. Dog will bark………………………………..6 times
18. Not in the mood………………………….21 times
19. Watching late show……………………..12 times
20. Mud pack………………………………………..8 times
21. Company next room……………………….7 times
22. Is that all you ever think about. 75 times

Do you think we can improve on our record this coming year.
Your ever loving husband………

JS

[Des Taff Jenkins]

Hi John.
You may have missed "Who are you then?"
Des

[Les Woodard]

When first married you wish that you could eat it and after six months you wished you had lol