Woe is me!

[John F Collier]

Three old Codgers having a pint and discussing their various problems they were experimenting as they got older, Charlie said
I've got a problem with my waterworks, I get up in the middle of the night, bursting for a pee, and it is three or four hours before I can go.
Well that's pretty bad says Bert, but what about me, I suffer with constipation and sometimes it's three weeks before I can get ret relief.
Meanwhile, the third old boy has been silent, what about you Fred says Bert, don't you have any problems?, well yeah, I do essays sheepishly,
Every morning about 7:30, I empty empty my bladder and then I empty my bowels with ease, wheres the problem with that Charlie asks?,
I don't wake up until 8:00, replies Fred.

[Des Taff Jenkins]

Hi John.
Shows that you are recovering well.
Cheers Des

[happy daze john in oz]

Not as silly as it sounds.
In hospital after one of the treatments I had my bowels decided to do their own thing at about 0200 hours while in a deep sleep.
Found myself in deep doo ,doo.
Thankfully the two male nurses were very understanding.

[John Gill]

I had a similar experience some years ago.ln hospital having cardiac investigations and they needed a stool sample so not able to perform naturally they inserted a suppository to hurry it up a bit. Nurse disappeared, pressed buzzer, no response, it was staff shift change I realised and I was beginning to bubble somewhat so I hopped out of bed and headed for the toilet-just in time. As I was completing bodily function the Nurse was hammering on the toilet door shouting 'Mr Gill I want some of that ', but,chain had been pulled which cost me another night in hospital under the watchful eye of the ward sister.

[James Curry]

Think it was about 2 years ago I was sent a letter with an appointment to attend the local hospital for a Colonoscopy.
This came about as a result of routine cancer screening results.
Anyway they send you a very very strong laxative to clear you out good and proper. Certainly worked for me!!!
It was really interesting to watch as you could see what the camera was seeing. Several polyps removed and thankfully all benign.
A rare chance to see a part of you body youn would not expect to see.

[Ralph Knowles]

Aah, but did the sun shine? Been there, done that, five times over!

[happy daze john in oz]

I had a doc shove his digit up my rear end.
It came out covered vin old blood.
What did you expect I asked, Diamonds?

But ay before leaving given a be pan, twice, wanted samples.
Not satisfied with two they asked for another next morning.
What do they do with it all I wonder?

[j.sabourn]

In the offshore world John there were two differentials in describing certain work , it could be either a Toe job or a Tow job. A toe job if young and attractive was much preferable to an ugly old oil rig and being stuck on a tow job. This is a good example of digitable work offshore. JS

[happy daze john in oz]

If I recall there was a certain lady of some Royal connections who was keen on a toe job.