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Thread: Smile...

  1. #1
    Marian Gray's Avatar
    Marian Gray Guest

    Default Smile...

    What did the Siamese twins from Glasgow call their autobiography?

    Oor Wullie.
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------



    Women over 50 don't have babies because they would put them down and forget where they left them.

    One of life's mysteries is how a 2 pound box of candy can make a woman gain 5 lbs.

    My mind not only wanders, it sometime leaves completely.

    The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.

    The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't know what you're doing, someone else does.

    The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends.

    Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.

    Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.


    Amazing! You hang something in your closet for awhile and it shrinks two sizes!

    Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like, "You know, sometimes I just forget to eat."
    Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name, and my keys. But I've never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat.

    A friend of mine confused her valium with her birth control pills. She had 14 kids, but she doesn't really care.

    The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and then they marry him.

    I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are: eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That is my idea of a perfect day.

    I know what Victoria's Secret is. The secret is that nobody older than 30 can fit into their stuff.

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



    An Irishman was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet.

    "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a full day, and repeat
    this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost at
    least 5 pounds."

    When the Irishman returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 60
    POUNDS!

    "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?"

    The Irishman nodded... "I'll tell you though I t'aut I was going to drop dead on dat 3rd day."

    "From hunger, you mean?"

    "No, from the foccing skippin", the Irishman said

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Smile...

    What did the Siamese twins from Glasgow call their autobiography?

    Oor Wullie.

    How many will get that gem I wonder ?.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Smile...

    Me thick as , had to look at it a couple of times before the penny dropped lol.

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  5. #4
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    Default Re: Smile...

    Marion.
    There's none as thick as two old people. My wife was complaining about the light, she said, " This bloody cloud is a nuisance, I had to put the light on in the kitchen to cook dinner." The penny dropped when we watched on the evening news all those people in WA looking at the full Eclipse of the sun.
    Des
    R510868
    Lest We Forget

  6. #5
    Marian Gray's Avatar
    Marian Gray Guest

    Default Re: Smile...

    Last edited by Marian Gray; 11th July 2023 at 03:45 PM.

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