For Graham P

[Marian Gray]

Zen Guide to Life - by Maharishi Fattifatrichbastard

- Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either, just bog off and leave me alone.

- The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tyre.

- The darkest hours come just before the dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbour's milk an newspaper, that's the time to do it.

- Sex is like air. It only becomes really important when you aren't getting any.

- Don't aspire to become irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

- Never forget that you are unique, like everyone else.

- Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

- If you think nobody cares whether you're dead or alive, try missing a couple of credit card payments

- If at first you don't succeed, avoid skydiving.

- Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

- Have you ever lent someone $20 and never seen that person again- It was probably worth it.

- If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

- Some days we are the flies; some days we are the windscreen.

- Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.

- Good judgement comes from experience; experience comes from bad judgement.

- The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

- There are two theories about how to win an argument with a woman. Neither one works.

- Generally speaking, you aren't learning much if your lips are moving

- When we are born we are naked, wet, hungry, and we get smacked on our bahookie. From there on in, life gets worse
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A new camera has been invented in Japan. The shutter is the fastest one ever. It is so fast it can capture when a woman stops talking.
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A woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestured
alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately. She
seductively signaled that he should bring his face closer to hers. As
he did, she gently caressed his full beard. "Are you the manager?" she
asked, softly stroking his face with both hands. "Actually, no," he
replied. "Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she said,
running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair. "I'm afraid I
can't," breathed the bartender. "Is there anything I can do?" "Yes. I
need for you to give him a message," she continued, running her
forefinger across the bartender's lip and slyly popping a couple of her
fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently. "What
should I tell him?" the bartender managed to say. "Tell him," she
whispered, "There's no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the
ladies room."

[Graham Payne]

Many thanks Marian.
They were great.
Love the name of the Zen author.

[Marian Gray]

Blooming heck Graham, didn't even notice as I was in such a rush to go out this morning!



,

[Des Taff Jenkins]

Hi Marian.
I hope it wasn't to a rural pub to see the manager Lol
Des

[Marian Gray]

Funnily enough Des......naw...was ''going to see a man about a dog''

Is that similar to your colloquialism?

[happy daze john in oz]

Then the dog went to see the man when there was no tree available.