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Thread: Baaaaa

  1. #1
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    Default Baaaaa

    BRITISH HUMOUR IS DIFFERENT
    These are classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K. Newspapers:
    FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
    8 years old,
    Hateful little bastard.
    Bites!

    FREE PUPPIES
    1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.

    FREE PUPPIES.
    Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
    Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.
    COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.
    Also 1 gay bull for sale.
    JOINING NUDIST COLONY !
    Must sell washer and dryer 100.
    WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE .
    Worn once by mistake.
    Call Stephanie.
    **** And the WINNER is... ****
    FOR SALE BY OWNER.
    Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
    Excellent condition, 200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.
    Statement of the Century
    Thought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker--Billy Connolly. "If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, How come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?"

    >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
    Children Are Quick
    ____________________________________
    TEACHER: Why are you late?
    STUDENT: Class started before I got here.
    ____________________________________
    TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
    JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
    __________________________________________
    TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
    GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
    TEACHER: No, that's wrong
    GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
    (I Love this child)
    ____________________________________________
    TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
    DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
    TEACHER: What are you talking about?
    DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
    __________________________________
    TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
    WINNIE: Me!
    __________________________________________
    TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
    GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
    _______________________________________
    ______________________________
    TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it.
    Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
    LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.....
    ______________________________________
    TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
    SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mum is a good cook.
    ______________________________
    TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's.
    Did you copy his?
    CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.
    (I want to adopt this kid!!!)
    ___________________________________
    TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
    HAROLD: A teacher.
    __________________________________
    Happy daze John in Oz.

    Life is too short to blend in.

    John Strange R737787
    World Traveller

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Baaaaa

    Nothing succeeds, like a budgie with no teeth.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Baaaaa

    And this Ant wont succeed either!
    As the saying goes Height of Impossibility.

    Ant climbing up an Elephants Backside with intent to rape! LOL

    OK Lads its an old one!
    Senior Site Moderator-Member and Friend of this Website

    R697530

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    Default Re: Baaaaa

    John.
    The best the encyclopaedia story.
    Des
    R510868
    Lest We Forget

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Baaaaa

    Quote Originally Posted by Des Taff Jenkins View Post
    John.
    The best the encyclopaedia story.
    Des
    And Des, so true in so many households.
    Happy daze John in Oz.

    Life is too short to blend in.

    John Strange R737787
    World Traveller

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  7. #6
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    Default Re: Baaaaa

    This is too true to be funny.
    The next time you hear a politician use the word 'billion' in a casual manner, think about whether you want the 'politicians' spending YOUR tax money.

    A billion is a difficult number to comprehend, but one advertising agency did a good job of putting that figure into some perspective in one of its releases.


    A.
    A billion seconds ago it was 1959.

    B.
    A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive.

    C.
    A billion hours ago our ancestors were living in the Stone Age.

    D.
    A billion days ago no-one walked on the earth on two feet.

    E.
    A billion Dollars ago was only 13 hours and 12 minutes, at the rate our government is spending it.


    Stamp Duty
    Tobacco Tax
    Corporate Income Tax
    Income Tax
    Council Tax
    Unemployment Tax
    Fishing Licence Tax
    Petrol/Diesel Tax
    Inheritance Tax
    (tax on top of tax)
    Alcohol Tax
    G.S.T.
    Property Tax
    Service charge taxes
    Social Security Tax
    Vehicle Licence / Registration Tax
    Vehicle Sales Tax
    Workers Compensation Tax



    Carbon Dioxide Tax




    STILL THINK THIS IS FUNNY?

    Not one of these taxes existed 60 years ago and our nation was one of the most prosperous in the world.

    We had absolutely no national debt.
    We had the largest middle class in the world. Mum stayed home to raise the kids, Dad and teachers were allowed to discipline kids.



    A criminals life was uncomfortable.






    Boat people were kids sailing on the Harbour.



    What the hell happened?
    'Political Correctness', Politicians or both?' I hope this goes around Australia and beyond.



    At least 100 times.



    Hooroo





    Happy daze John in Oz.

    Life is too short to blend in.

    John Strange R737787
    World Traveller

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    Default Re: Baaaaa

    And John, We just got our new petrol cards from the State Govt, $250 each, don't know which tax paid for that, but our rates are going up AGAIN, but the pension may go up $2,50 cents a fortnight.
    Des
    R510868
    Lest We Forget

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  10. #8
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    Default Re: Baaaaa

    No such cards here in Melbourne but we do get on application $250 a year to cover energy costs.

    Next state pension rise in March which should be at about 4.5%
    Happy daze John in Oz.

    Life is too short to blend in.

    John Strange R737787
    World Traveller

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  12. #9
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    Default Re: Baaaaa

    Two Irish lads go to Rome on holiday and walk into a bar.

    Two pints of Guiness says Mick.

    We no sella de Guiness says the barman.
    Be Jausus says Sean what we going to drink now?

    Why not drinka what the Pope he drinka says the barman.

    What would that be asks Mick

    The Pope he drinka de Campari.

    Fine says Sean , give up two pints of the Campari.

    Four hours later they get back to the hotel and next morning Sean says to Mick.

    If that is what the Pope drinks no wonder they push him around in a wheel chair.
    Happy daze John in Oz.

    Life is too short to blend in.

    John Strange R737787
    World Traveller

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    Default Re: Baaaaa

    An old one Mick & Paddy decide to become Irelands first men into space.
    On national TV they are asked were they are going to.

    Mick says we are going to the Sun, WHAT surely you will melt from the heat.

    Paddy says sure we are going at night!!!

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