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Thread: Pun ot the day

  1. #11
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    Default Re: Pun ot the day

    Quote Originally Posted by James Curry View Post
    Heard this one on the news yesterday

    Cemeteries are only to be used for burials.

    It was in relation to snow and cold weather forecast!!!!

    And people living down the road from it cannot be buried there.
    Happy daze John in Oz.

    Life is too short to blend in.

    John Strange R737787
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  2. #12
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    Default Re: Pun ot the day

    Quote Originally Posted by James Curry View Post
    Heard this one on the news yesterday

    Cemeteries are only to be used for burials.

    It was in relation to snow and cold weather forecast!!!!
    Golfer burials - one in a hole?

  3. #13
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    Default Re: Pun ot the day

    A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

  4. #14
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    Default Re: Pun ot the day

    A guy goes to see an optician saying he cannot see very far and wants to see further.
    The optician takes him outside and says look up what do you see,

    I see the sun.

    Well how much further do you want to see?
    Happy daze John in Oz.

    Life is too short to blend in.

    John Strange R737787
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    Default Re: Pun ot the day

    And if that doesn’t satisfy him John the sun is 4.6 billion years .
    Life span is estimated 13 billion years
    Diameter 865, 000 miles .
    Distance from earth 92,970,000. Miles
    Time for sunlight to reach earth 8.3 minutes.
    JS
    R575129

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    Default Re: Pun ot the day

    Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis

  7. #17
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    Default Re: Pun ot the day

    John.
    About the same time it takes a man to hear what his wife is saying to him in the shops.
    Des
    R510868
    Lest We Forget

  8. #18
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    Default Re: Pun ot the day



    *It's time again for the annual " Stella Awards"! For those unfamiliar with these awards, they are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued the McDonald's in New Mexico, where she purchased coffee. You remember, she took the lid off the coffee and put it between her knees while she was driving. Who would ever think one could get burned doing that, right?*

    That's right; these are awards for the most outlandish lawsuits and verdicts in the U.S. You know, the kinds of cases that make you scratch your head. So keep your head scratcher handy.

    Here are the Stella's for this year:


    ***SEVENTH PLACE*

    Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas was awarded $80,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The store owners were understandably surprised by the verdict, considering the running toddler was her own son.


    Start scratching!
    ***SIXTH PLACE **

    Carl Truman, 19, of Los Angeles, California won $74,000 plus medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.


    Scratch some more...
    *FIFTH PLACE **

    Terrence Dickson, of Bristol, Pennsylvania, was leaving a house he had just burglarized by way of the garage. Unfortunately for Dickson, the automatic garage door opener malfunctioned and he could not get the garage door to open. Worse, he couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the garage to the house locked when Dickson pulled it shut. Forced to sit for eight, count 'em, EIGHT days and survive on a case of Pepsi and a large bag of dry dog food, he sued the homeowner's insurance company claiming undue mental Anguish. Amazingly, the jury said the insurance company must pay Dickson $500,000 for his anguish. We should all have this kind of anguish Keep scratching. There are more...


    Double hand scratching after this one.
    ***FOURTH PLACE **

    Jerry Williams, of Little Rock, Arkansas, garnered 4th Place in the Stella's when he was awarded $14,500 plus medical expenses after being bitten on the butt by his next door neighbor's beagle - even though the beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. Williams did not get as much as he asked for because the jury believed the beagle might have been provoked at the time of the butt bite because Williams had climbed over the fence into the yard and repeatedly shot the dog with a pellet gun


    Pick a new spot to scratch, you're getting a bald spot.
    ***THIRD PLACE **

    Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania because a jury ordered a Philadelphia restaurant to pay her $113,500 after she slipped on a spilled soft drink and broke her tailbone The reason the soft drink was on the floor: Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.


    Only two more so ease up on the scratching..


    **SECOND PLACE**


    Kara Walton, of Claymont, Delaware sued the owner of a night club in a nearby city because she fell from the bathroom window to the floor, knocking out her two front teeth. Even though Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the ladies room window to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge, the jury said the night club had to pay her $12,000....oh, yeah, plus dental expenses. Go figure


    Ok. Here we go!!
    ***FIRST PLACE **

    This year's runaway First Place Stella Award winner was: Mrs. Merv Grazinski, of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, who purchased a new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On her first trip home, from an OU football game, having driven on to the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the driver's seat to go to the back of the Winnebago to make herself a sandwich. Not surprisingly, the motor home left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Also not surprisingly, Mrs. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not putting in the owner's manual that she couldn't actually leave the driver's seat while the cruise control was set The Oklahoma jury awarded her, are you sitting down?

    $1,750,000.

    PLUS a new motor home. Winnebago actually changed their manuals as a result of this suit, just in case Mrs. Grazinski has any relatives who might also buy a motor home.

    If you think the USA court system is out of control, be sure to pass this one on. That explains why insurance rates are so high and cities, counties, and states are broke. In 2011 they counted 1,225,452 attorneys. That's one for every 300 Americans. In contrast there were 660,288 police officers and 364,300 career firefighters and 676,900 volunteer firefighters.










    Happy daze John in Oz.

    Life is too short to blend in.

    John Strange R737787
    World Traveller

  9. #19
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    Default Re: Pun ot the day

    Did some woman not sue the manufacteur of a Micro wave Oven

    The person had just shampooed her dog and stuck the poor animal in the micro wave to dry it.

    Her defence was that no where in the instruction did it say do not try and dry your dog in this Micro wave oven.

  10. #20
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    Default Re: Pun ot the day

    Not a pun but a play on words. A woman is looking into a pet shop window and sees a discreet notice stating 'Fanny licking frog 25' intriqued she walks into the shop and the bloke behind the counter says 'Bonjour'

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