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Thread: Makes you wonder

  1. #1
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    Default Makes you wonder

    Did I read that sign right
    TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW
    In a Laundromat:
    AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT
    In a London department store:

    BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
    In an office:

    WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN
    In an office:
    AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD
    Outside a second-hand shop:
    WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
    Notice in health food shop window:

    CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS
    Spotted in a safari parkI sure hope so)

    ELEPHANTS, PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR
    Seen during a conference:

    FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR
    Notice in a farmer's field:

    THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES
    Message on a leaflet:

    IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS
    On a repair shop door:

    WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)

    ****************************** ********************* ****************************** ********************* ****************************** *********************

    Proofreading is a dying art, wouldn't you say?

    Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter
    This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!! They put in a correction the next day.
    Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
    Really? Ya think?
    ****************************** ********************* ****************************** ********************* ****************************** *********************

    Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
    Now that's taking things a bit far!
    ****************************** ********************* ****************************** ********************* ****************************** *********************

    Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
    What a guy!
    ****************************** ********************* ****************************** ********************* ****************************** *********************

    Miners Refuse to Work after Death
    No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!
    ****************************** ********************* ****************************** ********************* ****************************** *********************

    Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

    See if that works any better than a fair trial!

    ****************************** ********************* ****************************** ********************* ****************************** *********************


    War Dims Hope for Peace
    I can see where it might have that effect! ****************************** ********************* ****************************** ********************* ****************************** *********************

    If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
    Ya think?!
    ****************************** ********************* ****************************** ********************* ****************************** *********************

    Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
    Who would have thought!
    ****************************** ********************* ****************************** ********************* ****************************** *********************

    Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
    They may be on to something!
    ****************************** ********************* ****************************** ********************* ****************************** *********************

    Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
    You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?
    ****************************** ********************* ****************************** ********************* ****************************** *********************

    Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
    He probably IS the battery charge!
    ****************************** ********************* ****************************** ********************* ****************************** *********************
    Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
    That's what he gets for eating those beans!


    ****************************** ********************* ****************************** ********************* ****************************** *********************

    Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
    Do they taste like chicken?

    ****************************** ********************* ****************************** ********************* ****************************** *********************


    Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
    Chainsaw Massacre all over again!
    ****************************** ********************* ****************************** ********************* ****************************** *********************

    Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
    Boy, are they tall!
    ****************************** ********************* ****************************** ********************* ****************************** *********************

    And the winner is....
    Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
    Did I read that right?
    ****************************** ********************* ****************************** ********************* ****************************** *********************









    Happy daze John in Oz.

    Life is too short to blend in.

    John Strange R737787
    World Traveller

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Makes you wonder



    I got invited to a party and was told to dress to kill. Apparently a turban, beard and a backpack wasn't what they had in mind.

    Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they tested positive for WD40.

    ITS A BOY" I shouted "A BOY, I DON'T BELIEVE IT, ITS A BOY". And with tears streaming down my face I swore I'd never visit another Thai Brothel!
    I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster.
    My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault. I should have taken them off.
    I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or "foreplay"as she likes to call it.
    After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the wife were going to commit suicide yesterday. But strangely enough, once she killed herself, I started to feel a lot better. So I thought, "Screw it, soldier on!"
    I woke up this morning at 8, and could sense something was wrong. I gotdownstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn't know what to do. Then I remembered McDonald's servesbreakfast until 11:30.
    Bought the missus a hamster skin coat last week. Took her to the fair lastnight, and it took me 3 hours to get her off the Ferris wheel.
    The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I told her, "Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!"
    My missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door, she screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!"
    "Oh," I replied, "so now you want me to stay!"

    A Catholic boy in confession says, "Bless me Father, I have sinned, I masturbated while thinking about my sister."
    "That's a disgrace,"
    said the priest," especially when you have two gorgeous brothers."

    After a night of drink, drugs and wild sex, Jim woke up to find himself next to a really ugly woman. That's when he realized he had made it home safely.
    A government survey has shown that 91% of illegal immigrants come to this country so that they can see their own doctor.





























    Happy daze John in Oz.

    Life is too short to blend in.

    John Strange R737787
    World Traveller

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Makes you wonder

    A lady is driving her car when she gets flagged down and pulled over by a policeman.
    The police ask “good day ma’am, may I see your driver’s license please?”
    “Certainly” the lady replies.
    The policeman checks over the license card and says to the lady: “ma’am, unfortunately, I’m going to have to fine you… it says here that you need to be wearing glasses while driving”
    “I’ve got contacts,” says the lady
    “Listen here lady,” replies the policeman.

    “I don’t care who you know, you still need to wear glasses while driving!”
    Happy daze John in Oz.

    Life is too short to blend in.

    John Strange R737787
    World Traveller

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