This may be an old one but cant find among the many, so sorry if it is.

I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 70 years later.
I don"t have to go to school or work, I get an allowance every month. I have my own home . I don"t have a curfew. I have a drivers licence and my own car. The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant and I don"t have acne. Life is great. I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds, people get out of the way much faster now.

Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers.
I didn"t make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row. I decided to stop calling the bathroom " John" and renamed it " Jim". I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.
When I was a child I thought " nap time " was a punishment. Now it feels like a small vacation.
The biggest lie I tell myself is.." I don"t have to write that down, I"ll remember it".
I don"t have grey hair..I have " wisdom highlights " Im just very wise.
If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would"ve put them on my knees.
Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators .We haven"t met yet.
Of course, I talk to myself . Sometimes I need expert advice.
At my age " getting lucky " means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.
I have more friends I should send this to, but right now I cant remember their names.
Now I"m wondering ...did I send this to you , or did you send it to me ?