When you tell your husband I love you ( for the ladies)

[j.sabourn]

A group of women were at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with their husbands. The women were asked ,"How many of you love your husband ?"
All the women raised their hands . Then they were asked , " When was the last time you told your husband you loved him ?".
Some women answered today, a few yesterday, and some couldn't remember.
The women were told to take to take out their cell phones and text their husband - " I love you, Sweetheart."
Next the women were told to exchange phones with one another and read aloud the text message they received in response to their message.
Below are 11 hilarious replies. If you have been married for some time, you understand that these replies are a sign of true love. Who else would reply in such a succinct way ?

1. Who the hell is this ?

2. Eh, mother of my children , are you sick or what ?

3. Yeah, and I love you too, What's wrong ?

4. What now ? Did you wreck the car again ?

5. I don't understand what you mean

6. What the hell did you do now ?

7. Don't beat about the bush, just tell me how much you need.

8. Am I dreaming ?

9. If you don't tell me who this message is actually for, someone will die.

10. I thought we agreed you wouldn't drink during the day

11 Your mother is coming to stay with us , isn't she ?

JS....

[j.sabourn]

Is that a Probus Club ? Or the OBE group ( over bloody eighty ) JS.

[j.sabourn]

#2.... Why we love Children.....
A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat , but it was dead. How do you know the cat was dead she asked him.
Because I pissed in its ear and it didnt move answered the child innocently.
You did WHAT ! The teacher said in surprise.
You know explained the boy , I leaned over and went Pssssst and it didnt move.

A little girl goes with he father to the barber shop. She stands next to the barbers chair while her Dad gets his hair cut, eating a snack cake. The barber says to her ..Sweetheart , your gonna get hair on your twinkle, she says yes I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too.

One day the third grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part where Chicken Little warns the farmer the sky is falling, the teacher then asks the class , and what do you think the farmer said ?
One little girl raised her hand and said; Holy Sh-t a talking chicken !

JS

[Keith at Tregenna]

WHY GOD MADE MOMS

Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions:

Why did God make mothers?

1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?

1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of?

1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.

Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?

1. We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's mom like me.

What kind of a little girl was your mom?

1. My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.

What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?

1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your mom marry your dad?

1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that mom didn't have her thinking cap on.

Who's the boss at your house?

1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.

What's the difference between moms and dads?

1. Moms work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller and stronger, but moms have all the real power cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friends.
4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.

What does your mom do in her spare time?

1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your mom perfect?

1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?

1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
2. I'd make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.

[happy daze john in oz]

FESAVERS - The Sweets With The Little Hole

This should make you smile.
You have to love little kids.

A Kindergarten teacher gave her class of 5 year olds a taste test using Lifesavers.

The children began to identify the 'easier' flavours by their colour:

Red.....................Cherry
Yellow..................Lemon
Green...................Lime
Orange ...............Orange

Finally the teacher gave them all HONEY lifesavers.

None of the children could identify the taste.

The teacher said, 'I will give you all a clue. It's what your mother may sometimes call your father.'

One little girl looked up in horror, spat her lifesaver out and yelled,

'Oh no! They're ****-holes!

The teacher had to leave the room!