Why I like Retirement

[j.sabourn]

Q...How many days in a week ?
A...6 Saturdays , 1 Sunday

Q...When is a Retirees bedtime ?
A...Two hours after falling asleep on the couch

Q...How many retirees does it take to change a light bulb?
A...Only one, but it might take all day

Q...What's the biggest gripe of retirees?
A...There is not enough time to get everything done

Q... Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors ?
A...The term comes with a 10% discount.

Q...Among retirees , what is considered formal attire ?
A...Tied Shoes

Q...Why do retirees count pennies?
A...They are the only ones who have the time

Q...What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire ?
A... NUTS!

Q...Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement , attic or garage ?
A...They know as soon as they do , one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there

Q...What do retirees call a long lunch ?
A...Normal

Q...What is the best way to describe retirement ?
A...The never ending Coffee Break

Q...Whats the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree ?
A...If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.

Q...What do you do all week?
A... Monday through friday , Nothing, Saturday and Sunday I rest.

JS

[happy daze john in oz]

Bloody heck John, where did that come from.

Since retirement I never have enough time to get all done that I want.
Working harder and longer than when employed.

[John Gill]

The company I worked for as a trucker retired me at 65 then re-employed me the same day as an agency driver. I had been with the firm 20 years, but company rules prevailed. It was costing them a third more to hire me from the agency. The logic escaped me. However, I continued driving hgv for another 10 years, passing a strict yearly medical and keeping up with the new tacho tech. As I reached 75 the company sold out to an American company who immediately asset stripped it and closed it down. I could have driven elsewhere but didn't want a new start. I'm still driving now, (not a 45 tonner) but a Vauxhall Astra doing voluntary work for the NHS and local council. Gets me out the house too!

[Des Taff Jenkins]

JS
Is your Club still open? Ours has now been closed for just on a month and I meet people who are going bananas, one is in the lounge right now. I took a chance this morning I let her cut my hair, it was either that or buy a violin, I wish I had bought the violin.
Des

[j.sabourn]

#4... Life over here has never been too far off the beaten track for most Des. Don’t think have worn a mask for much more than a week. Most clubs still open . Restrictions here I wouldn’t moan too much about , and think what is and has been imposed were necessary. By the time everyone who is going to be vaccinated are done they will have had time to build up a normal resistance to in any case . It’s going to be there in any case for infinity the same as all germ disease. Have just come from a probus meeting and 59 in room and not a mask in sight.
Tomorrow night at the residents bingo night the same with about the usual 120 there. Missed last weeks Wednesday do as was up on a bus trip to York with 38 in the bus. Went for lunch at a pub no sign of any head counting or ere you get your mask on, unless it was someone very ugly. Cheers JS

[happy daze john in oz]

John #3, know what you mean.
I was in a similar situation, retrenched to cut costs then taken on as an agency member of staff.

Something very odd but I did not complain, the money was about 120% more than they had been paying me.

- - - Updated - - -

Something to think about to help fill the day.


Advertisement In Shop:
Guitar, for sale........ Cheap........
.......no strings attached.


Ad. In Hospital Waiting Room:
Smoking Helps You Lose Weight....
One Lung At A Time!


On a bulletin board:
Success Is Relative.
The more The Success,
The more The Relatives.


When I Read About The Evils Of Drinking....
I Gave Up Reading


My Grandfather Is Eighty
And Still Doesn't Need Glasses....
He Drinks Straight Out Of The Bottle.


Sign In A Bar:
'Those Of You Who Are Drinking To Forget,
Please do Pay In Advance.'


Sign In Driving School:
If Your Wife Wants To Learn To Drive,
Don't Stand In Her Way....


Behind Every Great Man,
There Is A Surprised Woman.


The Reason Men Lie Is Because
Women Ask too Many Questions.


Getting Caught
Is The Mother Of Invention.


Laugh And The World Laughs With You,
Snore And You sleep Alone


The Surest Sign
That Intelligent Life Exists
Elsewhere In The Universe
Is The Fact That It Has Never Tried To Contact Us.


Sign At A Barber's Shop :
We Need Your Heads To Run Our Business..


Sign In A Restaurant:
All Drinking Water In This Establishment
Has Been Personally Passed By The Manager

[j.sabourn]

Ref. to #4... Although wouldnt surprise me that we get a spike in the dreaded allergy after the football crowds descend on Perth vaccinations or no vaccinations. JS.

[Des Taff Jenkins]

John.
Before the football finals start by plenty of toilet paper; and a box of potato crisps.
Des

[j.sabourn]

Maybe have to go native and rely on finger and small tin of water Des. Just think of the poorer ones who have to budget for toilet paper. May have to go the full way and just eat with left hand. Easy to do with crisps I suppose. Maybe able to do both jobs at the same time . That would be a pretty picture wouldnt it ? JS.

[happy daze john in oz]

Just down to the Swan and bathe.
Not like the Ganges so safe I would think.
Just be very wary of anyone from Melbourne who asks the way. just show them the way back and maybe no virus for you.

But don't hold your breath on that one.