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Thread: Embarrassing medical exams

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    Default Embarrassing medical exams

    EMBARRASSING MEDICAL EXAMS

    1. A man comes into the ER and yells . . .'My wife's going to have her baby in the cab.'
    I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress and began to take off her underwear.
    Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs - - -
    and I was in the wrong one.
    Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald,
    San Francisco

    2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.
    'Big breaths, I instructed.
    'Yes, they used to be, Replied the patient.
    Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes,
    Seattle, WA

    3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct.
    Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a 'massive internal fart.'
    Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg

    4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications.
    'Which one? I asked.
    'The patch.'
    'The Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours
    and now I'm running out of places to put it!'
    I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see.
    Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!
    Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
    Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair,
    Norfolk, VA

    5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked,
    'How long have you been bedridden?'
    After a look of complete confusion she answered,
    ' Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive.'
    Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson,
    Corvallis, OR

    6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on a man I asked . . .' So how's your breakfast this morning?'
    'It's very good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste,' Bob replied.
    I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced a foil packet labeled 'KY Jelly.'
    Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf,
    Detroit

    7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos,
    and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery.
    When she was completely disrobed on the operating table,
    the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green
    and above it there was a Tattoo that read . . .' Keep off the grass.'
    Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, Which said, 'Sorry . . . Had to mow the lawn.'
    Submitted by RN no name,

    AND FINALLY!!

    8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB,
    I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams.
    To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.
    The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing, further embarrassing me.
    I looked up from my work and sheepishly said . . ..
    ' I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?'
    She replied with tears running down her cheeks from laughing so hard . . ..
    ' No doctor but the song you were whistling was,
    ' I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener.'
    Dr. Wouldn't submit his name....

    1 MORE

    Baby's First Doctor Visit
    This made me laugh out loud.
    I hope it will give you a smile!
    A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room,
    waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.
    The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
    'Breast-fed,' she replied.
    'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered.
    She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.
    Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said,
    'No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk.'
    'I know,' she said, 'I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came.'
    "Our veterans did not forget about us .... Let's not forget about them." From Michael Levesque

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    Default Re: Embarrassing medical exams

    I could relate many tales after all my years as a paramedic but 2 that won't get me stuck off spring to mind.

    - we responded to a maternity call, I asked the older gentleman if he was going to come in the ambulance with his daughter or follow in the car. He told me it wasn't his daughter but his wife... Given the difference in age between me and the wife this always makes me smile - without being big headed I've aged better than he had! After that I never assumed anything about a pregnant lady's companion.

    - we had attended a cardiac arrest which after a long attempt at success had a bad outcome, in those days we had to wait for the doctor to attend and confirm death and for the police to act as the coroner"s representative. The patient's wife was taking things well and their neighbour was on hand to help. The neighbour offered us coffee while we waited. I can't stand coffee so asked if I could have tea instead. Well I ended up with coffee and not wanting to appear rude given the circumstances I was having whispered discussions with my crew mate what to do with it. He guestured to a big plant pot next to me. I chose my moment and poured the coffee into the pot. Well it had clearly been recently watered and now with hot coffee was producing a good amount of steam! He made a vailiant effort to distract them whilst I fanned away the steam

    SDG

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    Default Re: Embarrassing medical exams

    i think i may have posted before, but many years ago on duty in winter, thrashing down with rain, when the alarm button at the front door of the station rang, the duty watchman ran to the door, and out side was a guy, in a large raincoat, doubled over in obvious deep pain, and yes, you've guessed it, he had been caught short and had to relieve himself in a doorway, when someone approached, he yanked his zip up, and not just nipped his old man, but had sewn about an inch of it into the zip. he had hobbled some distance like that before reaching the station. We had to cut his trousers, and the top of the zip to release the poor old member, and then called an ambulance to be taken for a checkover. It was the source of much laughter at the messroom table for a couple of days. kt
    R689823

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    Default Re: Embarrassing medical exams

    Quote Originally Posted by Keith Tindell View Post
    i think i may have posted before, but many years ago on duty in winter, thrashing down with rain, when the alarm button at the front door of the station rang, the duty watchman ran to the door, and out side was a guy, in a large raincoat, doubled over in obvious deep pain, and yes, you've guessed it, he had been caught short and had to relieve himself in a doorway, when someone approached, he yanked his zip up, and not just nipped his old man, but had sewn about an inch of it into the zip. he had hobbled some distance like that before reaching the station. We had to cut his trousers, and the top of the zip to release the poor old member, and then called an ambulance to be taken for a checkover. It was the source of much laughter at the messroom table for a couple of days. kt
    ###jeez keith i think i would spill the beans just on the threat of getting zipped up ......no hero or legend here .....might even cry ...........and on tele as well......aaaaaagh

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    Default Re: Embarrassing medical exams

    #####just had a thought it must be a bloody site worse when a woman gets zipped up ......lol cappy

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    Default Re: Embarrassing medical exams

    Quote Originally Posted by Keith Tindell View Post
    i think i may have posted before, but many years ago on duty in winter, thrashing down with rain, when the alarm button at the front door of the station rang, the duty watchman ran to the door, and out side was a guy, in a large raincoat, doubled over in obvious deep pain, and yes, you've guessed it, he had been caught short and had to relieve himself in a doorway, when someone approached, he yanked his zip up, and not just nipped his old man, but had sewn about an inch of it into the zip. he had hobbled some distance like that before reaching the station. We had to cut his trousers, and the top of the zip to release the poor old member, and then called an ambulance to be taken for a checkover. It was the source of much laughter at the messroom table for a couple of days. kt
    Whe I joined the ambulance service at 19 I was naive and young, indeed at the time I was the youngest paramedic I the UK.

    We went to a call for a guy bleeding from his 'toy'. He gave various reasons as to why it was bleeding which I gullibly believed after the call my crewmate pointed out that his girlfriend had got carried away and bitten him whilst playing...

    SDG
    Last edited by Shaun Gander; 15th January 2019 at 01:50 PM.

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    Default Re: Embarrassing medical exams

    After a 15 minute interview, which actually took around 45 minutes as the guy interviewing me kept disappearing on other business and forgetting all about me, I was offered a cadet's job with C.P. subject to passing a medical, this was carried out by the company doctor in his office in the liver buildings. On entering his office I was told to strip naked and lie on his examination couch. He then put the blood pressure cuff on my arm and started inflating it. He had only just started when his female secretary came in with papers for him to sign, which he did whilst still inflating the cuff. He turned to his secretary and asked her what she thought of the one on the couch. She looked over a very embarrassed me and said, "he's not going to drop dead tomorrow is he". With that the doc said "o.k. son, you've passed, get up", and that was the sum total of my medical examination on entry to the MN.
    Rgds
    J.A.

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    Default Re: Embarrassing medical exams

    A man goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. He hasn’t been feeling well and wants to find out if he is ill. After the checkup, the doctor comes out with the results of the examination.
    “I’m afraid I have some bad news. You’re dying and you don’t have much time,” the doctor says.
    “Oh no, that’s terrible. How long have I got?” the man asks.
    “10…” says the doctor.
    “10? 10 what? Months? Weeks? What?!” he asks desperately.
    “10…9…8…7…”
    "Our veterans did not forget about us .... Let's not forget about them." From Michael Levesque

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    Default Re: Embarrassing medical exams

    When on nights in a major Sydney hospital an patient arrived with his mate, both well away on the alcohol. I took his friend for a head x-ray as he had fallen outside in the middle of the road. He was left in the waiting room. Having finished the first guy I sent him back to A&E via another exit, totally forgot about his mate still in the waiting room.
    When I went to shut up for the night there he was diligently waiting for his mate, refused to leave when I said he'd left ages ago. "He went through that door I'm not*** leaving till he comes back out"!
    Eventually I had to call a couple of attendants to remove both him and the chair he was grimly hanging on to so I could lock up. Must've been good mates.

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    Default Re: Embarrassing medical exams

    Many Years ago i was in the Durban Fire Department and Ambulance Services,so we had two jobs to attend to most of te time. Bersides the Fire Fighting experiences, i had two rather awkward experiences to say the least,these were just two of which I will tell.
    First one i was called to a difficult position, to the Main Toilet Block in the City Centre ,this was at 2.30am in the Morning, on arrival I was confronted by this awful mess,blood everywhere and this poor soul ( dead drunk) was hanging on one of the Tiolet Palings (The Toilets were closed at 10pm each night) seemed he was inside got locked in and then tried to get out through the Top of the Palings,he was starkers as well, don't ask why .
    Anyway I had to prise him up and while doing this of course the Squelshing of the poor Sods Blood all over me ,it was a terrible job and although I had had other things happen this made me feel quite ill to say the least!
    Anyway after a lot of heaving I eventually got him off the Paling which was quite thick,and the Hole that it left was something to see.
    Quickly into the Ambo and massive Wads of Sterilised pressure Cotton Wool and bandages with great amount of pressure to try and control the bit of blood the poor soul still had.
    I was amazed that he was still alive and through all that awake as well,just pleading for a Drink,which of course we could not give him.
    So to the Hospital and into Surgery he went, we did hear after a few days when making enquiries about him that he had passed away during the Op.

    Second case
    Again called out to a Woman in labour sitting in the street again in Durban Central, and again this Woman had a few too many.
    Anyway I got her into the Ambo pronto,so as I could get her to the Hospital ,no way Hosay as just as I got her in the back she decided it was time,and that was it. I had the job of delivering the little Bab in the Ambo,all my training just seemed to kick in like automatic,no panic at all and the Bab was delivered all safe and cosey! On arrival at Hospital I was congratulated on the job I did.
    That made me feel real good! But never again LOL
    End of but there were many many other cases that I could go on about ,would take too long!
    Cheers
    Senior Member and Friend of this Website

    R697530

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